Towards the end of holiday at moms I discovered that you can actually make meat in the oven and then not only eat this freshly made meat a few hours later, but that you can then use it for sandwiches for days and days afterwards. It was like a revelation. Single guys can cook meat at their house? no way. so off rushed to the grocery store to buy some meat. Buying meat is another story. There is a lot of meat out there. and with the whole mad cow disease thing happening now here in the states, it’s a little intimidating. If one is to die from eating a piece of meat, then it better be the right meat. I mean, it better be a damn good piece of meat. But what is a good piece of meat. I had the Little Tree on the phone. “I’m in the meat department. What do I buy???” “well what do you want?” “how the hell do I know? I’ve never made meat before.” “well what do you eat at home then?” she asks. “I haven’t eaten at home in years. I don’t eat anything at home. sometimes popcorn. Cereal and milk. Brie and crackers. Fruit. Pasta. Soup. and that’s on the rare occasion.” “So what kind of meat do you like?” “Well what is a pot roast like? Could we make roast beef out of that?” “Yes you can.” “you mean I can just buy a pot roast and then cook it in the oven and pretty soon we could have slices of roast beef in the house?” “Yes you can.” “o.k. so that’s what I will buy. A pot roast. And we’ll cook it ourselves.”
So later on I called Bellsouth about the phone bill. “Mam I think there is a problem on our phone.” “what is it?” “well doesn’t it seem a bit high?” “well isn’t this what you always pay?” she asks. “to be honest, I have no idea.” I say. “I haven’t paid bills in years. And now I am just starting to take a look at them and it appears that we’re paying like over a hundred dollars just for local phone service and we don’t even use that phone. In fact I don’t even know where the house phone is. I mean we have cell phones and all…” I had her on the portable phone. And I was walking around the house talking to her. She was trying to talk me into keeping all these extra things that we had which makes sense, I mean that’s their job, and I was trying to get it lower. “Honestly mam, I haven’t even seen our house phone in years. I don’t think we should really be paying so much. Lets just have the basic phone thing in the house just in case we ever find it and need it, O.K?….
by the way, I’m trying to cook a roast in the oven… do you know anything about making a roast???” “Excuse me sir?” “Well you know, we’re a couple of single guys and we’ve decided to make meat in our own oven here at our house. and I’m not sure how to do it. Have you ever made meat at your house before?” I think she went into shock at first. But then she started breaking everything down for me and asking me all these questions. “Do you have a meat thermometer there sir?” “Uh I wouldn’t know. where do I look for a meat thermometer. Does it come with the meat?” “O.k. forget about that. do you have a bag of potatoes there?” “Oh no, but that would be great wouldn’t it?” “Well of course. Then you could use the juices of the meat to marinate the potatoes.” “Wow this is really exciting isn’t it?” I say to the very friendly customer service rep from the phone company.