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You see things here…
There was the 45 year old Turkish woman, big breasted, dark eyes, dark hair, smoking a cigarette, who sat down next to me on a bench in front of the CBS building and asked me if I wanted a “massage and some companionship.” We talked some more. I told her no thank you, that I was meeting a friend in a few minutes to play a board game. This was true. But I took her number. Talk about a fantasy she would be. I’ve never had Turkish. So this is must when I get the time.
The lady all dressed up in black pantsuit swaggering down the sidewalk totally wasted. Like any minute she was going to stumble over and fall face first onto the ground and never wake up. she was mumbling to herself very grumpily. Just totally wasted.
This girl standing on the corner at union square crying, just a little girl, maybe 18, ‘can any of you please spare some loose change. The guys in my band shied away from her but I came up to her and asked her are you having a bad night and she said yes a very bad night. I took out a ten and gave it to her. it was all I had. aren’t you broke man my bandmates asked me. I am now I answered. I then hugged her and reminded her to pray to ask God for help and he would help her. it stayed with me all night. the desperation on her face. The pure sadness.
it reminded me of when I was a young struggling artist. Although I was never hooked on any major drugs like she obviously was I was still totally down and out and I know that God has infinite compassion and understanding for whoever we are and where ever we are in our lives. He knows and he accepts and he is always there for us ready to pull us out when we are ready.
The seven year old kid who knocks on our apartment door for a half hour while we are trying to sleep. Finally he just walks in and goes up to the edge of my bed. He wakes me up I swear to go I don’t even know this kid and asks me if I play the guitar. I say yes in complete shock. He then asks me if I will teach him guitar. I politely tell him that yes I will but that he will have to wait till we wake up. that musicians sleep very late in the day and that it is better if he doesn’t just walk in to strange apartments like that. crazy. only in New York.
There is the garbage issue here too that is totally out of the twilight zone. Today I received a ticket for improper disposal of my garbage because some garbage cop assumedly found 1 can and two plastic bottles in a clear plastic bag rather than a blue or black bag.
So you can’t throw away cans bottles or plastic or glass or aluminum of any kind. O.k. that’s actually cool if you can figure out where to get these special bags from. But you also cannot throw away cardboard boxes either. So my apartment is filling up with them. these big boxes. Because supposedly you have to tear them apart and then flatten them and then tie them up with string or twine whatever the hell that is. and where the hell are we supposed to buy that from…. this place is nuts.
A camera, I need a video camera around me and on me at all times here. the rest of the country will never believe what it is like here. it is a world all its own.
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Being back in America now, after living in Miami for almost four years, I notice that my heart feels a certain sense of comfort when I hear people on the street here in nyc speaking Spanish. Gives me a subconscious sense of home somehow. I guess it just reminds me of Miami and everyone I know there. interesting. Now speaking Spanish, which in Miami was obligatory and because of that sometimes a very frustrating pain in the ass, is fun and helps break up the monotony of day to day life here.
I am still in complete shock how often you hear people speaking in other languages here in this city. I am not exaggerating when I say that you hear foreign languages being spoken here on the street and in the various shops and buildings just as often if not more than you hear English being spoken. In the last two weeks I have heard Albanian, Pakistani, Arabian, Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese, Russian, Farsi, various Indian dialects, and numerous others I can’t sound out yet. its really inspiring and cool.
Bad things: my apt is too small and I think I’m going stir crazy. its cold. Its wet. Its always raining. Its crowded. Its noisy. Its expensive. Its hard to get around. But besides that its good here. I keep telling myself that. LOL.
New York weather forecast:
5 DAY FORECAST
Tuesday
54°F (12°C) | 46°F (8°C)
Wednesday
56°F (13°C) | 48°F (9°C)
Thursday
59°F (15°C) | 47°F (8°C)
Friday
57°F (14°C) | 47°F (8°C)
Saturday
57°F (14°C) | 51°F (11°C)
Miami weather forecast:
5 DAY FORECAST
Tuesday
87°F (31°C) | 76°F (24°C)
Wednesday
88°F (31°C) | 74°F (23°C)
Thursday
88°F (31°C) | 71°F (22°C)
Friday
86°F (30°C) | 72°F (22°C)
Saturday
86°F (30°C) | 75°F (24°C)
No wonder my body feels like its freaking out. I think what I am experiencing can best be described as shock! There is one word for this weather of the north. It sucks.
Good things: well this is Manhattan after all. Gotham city. so that’s cool. millions of pretty classy girls to look at. And millions of educated well informed cool men to hang out and converse with. Thousands of cool buildings to stare up at and venture into. I get to ear all of my winter clothes that I never got to wear in Florida. Sweaters and scarves and things like that. that’s cool.
Also we are in the middle of the pennant race and as always the Yankees are in it. I was raised a Yankees fan since my family was from up here originally. We used to watch the Yankees games on TV with my grandfather all the time growing up and he would tell us all the old stories of their glory days when he was growing up. the New York Yankees were one of the most important things in their lives back then, before TV and movies and Internet and all that. the yanks were it. So actually being a resident here while the Yankees are fighting for it, rather than rooting for them from some other city is a really fulfilling feeling. Like I’m connecting with my grandparents and great grandparents by being here now while they are playing to become the champions.
I think the old lyric “if I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere…” rings pretty true.
Strange signs of the times. things are changing? In two unrelated but significantly similar instances both this week. American soldiers fighting in Iraq refused to follow orders to drive a truck down a certain road which is grounds for court marshal but the whole squadron just refused to follow the orders because they said there was no frontline to protect them, and that the truck was not properly maintained nor was it properly armored.
And then last night a young boy in Russia shot and killed both of his parents because his father gave him a beating after school on Monday for receiving low grades. Crazy.
Current read: the alchemist. I love this book, as so many people do. the soul of the world, the language of the universe, your personal legend. The book is very simple. The little prince meets sidartha. But it is very special and every night you look forward to reading it. this is a must read. this is kind of book you want to read again as soon as you finish it just so you can stay in the world of it.
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But there is also the other side to is as well. the whole lower half of the island is quite dirty and seedy. There is graffiti everywhere. and the streets get all cockeyed and confused and broken up. there is the aspect of having to walk everywhere in the freezing cold that truly sucks. Or you have to go down and catch a subway and stand in these crazy ass lines and wait a long time and ride in these train cars packed like a sardine with thousands of other people. nothing fun about that. but somehow I find it fun.
I think that at a different income level New York would be everything that a person would want it to be. once you get to a six digit income then I think it would be just grand, once you can afford your own driver really. That’s what you need really. That would be the first thing to word toward. For me anyway. My own driver. Getting around here at this income level just really sucks if you are not from here and are not accustomed to it. honestly, and with all due respect towards native new Yorkers, walking around like this and taking the subway everywhere just really sucks and is very inconvenient if you are used to just getting in your car and driving where ever you want to go.
[speaking of being accustomed to something, I recently contemplated the difference between the English phrases of “I am used to it” versus “I am accustomed to it.” we use the phrases interchangeably don’t we? But they don’t really mean the same thing literally when you think about it. Even though we intend the same idea at this point in their usage. But their original derivation is quite dissimilar when you stop and think about it. ‘I am used to it’ would mean more that ‘we’ are ‘used’ to ‘it,’ that ‘it’ is somehow tired of ‘us,’ that we are no longer ‘new’ to it. Now seeing that most of the time the ‘it’ we are referring to is most likely an inanimate object, if we really wanted to say ‘I’ am accustomed to ‘something,’ then we should really be saying ‘it’ is ‘used’ to ‘me,’ rather than ‘I am used to it.’ Just an observation.]
The other day I went to the local smoke shop to sit and have smoke with all the other guys from around town. it is quite the scene here in the city. a very special scene, one that I had dreamed of my whole life. and it really does exist. You just buy your favorite smoke and sit down in this lounge area with a bunch of other guys smoking a cigar or pipe and talk about politics or sports or finances or stocks or the latest issues of the day. you end up hanging with all these Harvard business school graduates, and ceos of major companies like office depot and even the mayor will stop in and sit to have a smoke and a talk.
Being in a band, living eating sleeping breathing in the world of rock and roll, all you ever talk about is music and sex and pop culture. So the older crowd more mainstream crowd is important for me to get away to. there are only so many dick jokes you can hear in one day. and that’s what being in a rock band is all about. talking about music or girls and lots of dick jokes and gay jokes. Its fun, but you know, it can get tiresome.
So I tend to need to sneak away to a more refined and intellectual scene now and then. Get into a different crowd altogether. And there is no place like a cigar shop to do this. these men are puffing away on cigars that cost at a minimum of ten to twenty dollars a pop. So they are well to do and already quite made. so they have a lot of time on their hands so they tend to study a lot and be well educated. You can learn a lot in a cigar shop. And make a lot of good connections.
We spent a whole evening watching jeopardy. If you can imagine. Everyone shouting out the answers to the questions. Or rather, the questions to the answers. And I must say I was in heaven. So there is intelligent life in the universe after all. I just needed to get to New York to find it.
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So the entire country watched John Kerry wipe the floor with a very nervous and fidgety George w. bush. At times it almost appeared that bush was so scared or frustrated with his own performance and lack of information and knowledge that he wanted to walk off the stage. I don’t think we have ever had a president so unfit for the job. None perhaps besides Ford of course, who never wanted to be president in the first place and just ended up there by some crazy twist of unfortunate luck. But boy Bush was just really off last night and Kerry of course was better than ever. I felt proud watching him and listening to him last night at the thought he may eventually be our president. But at heart I am pretty much a blind idealist so I wouldn’t take my admiration of the man too seriously. not even I do. I felt the same way about Clinton/gore in 92 as a kid, and we all know how they turned out. I’m not saying it was all bad —the nineties were a pretty wonderful time for us in American, but that administration had its fair share of problems, that’s for sure.
I know some people don’t agree with me, but that’s cool. I respect that. I always bounce back and forth in elections. Never take the repub or the democrat side a hundred percent of the time. just depends on the year and the candidate and the issues that are most important for the country that year. this year its Kerry and the dems. Maybe in four years it will be the other side or a whole different party. Just have to wait and see.
I was amazed to learn that we’re in the middle of a dead heat right now, which I think is truly amazing because I really can’t imagine anyone voting for bush after seeing him in these last three debates. I wouldn’t vote for him for president of any of my own little companies, let alone the biggest most powerful country in the known universe. I honestly can’t figure out what people are thinking when they see him speak and still want to vote for him for anything. But that’s just me.
Although if you take a look at the map of the United States and how we voted in the year 2000, it is actually quite telling. It is divided between the blue democratic states and the red republican states. what you notice is that all the big city states like New York and la and Boston and phili and Chicago and Seattle voted democrat. And so did all the cool states like new Mexico and Wisconsin and Oregon and of course the predominantly upper class New England states. but then the majority of the states actually, all the small town American states, the rural states and farming states and southern states, what we city folk call the scary places in America all voted republican. telling indeed.
I guess its easier to sell “values” as a word or a concept rather than a real tangible thing we can put into action to these states. they can lose their jobs and income and health care and education and even lose their loved ones in misleading wars and still be sold “values” as a concept, rather than just voting for real values. It’s a phenomenon of the frailty of the human mind really.
And this whole thing about the word liberal being a bad word to these people is hilarious our country was founded on the idea of liberty. And we have worked our asses off at defining and defending those liberties. Why the hell would liberal be a bad word? My brother and his wife voted for W in 2000 for no other reason than the abortion issue. I respected that. but they sure have changed their tune in the last four years. I think a lot of people have. but if these crazies somehow find a way to get W back in office for another four years and things keep going the way they are going for this country for another four years, God help us all, I think the whole damn country is just going to go berserk on the guy and mutiny. There’s only so far the values card can be played before even the simplest minds begin to get the real picture.
Anyway, enough of that. Beaver is going crazy. being promoted again at his big oil company. Something has shifted in him now. he realizes that he is wasting his life by not being in a job that is more focused on helping people. so mom just left me and flew home and now she is headed back out on a flight tonight to be with Beav and his family. I’ll tell you, we are the luckiest guys in the world to have the mom that we do. she is just so there for us in her role as mother. Its so inspiring. She just says hang on I’ll be there in five hours and hops on a plane to come be by our side and help us. she’s always been that way since we we’re little kids. God bless her a hundred times a day please.
We have a real chance that our next election will be a tie and no man will win the majority of votes needed to win the white house. so I did some research to see what would happen. google it. its fascinating stuff:
How the Electoral College works
(CNN) — The 2000 election was the fourth time the Electoral College selected a candidate other than the one who won the popular vote.
So do we the people really elect the president and vice president? Technically, we don’t. Presidents are elected by the states and the District of Columbia, not by a national tally of voters. When you vote, you cast your ballot for electors who will vote for a candidate they are politically aligned with.
Most of the time, that means the candidate who wins the popular vote also wins the Electoral College vote.
There are 538 Electoral College voters, one per senator and representative from each state. The District of Columbia, which has no congressional representation, has three votes – the minimum.
California has 55 votes, while Texas (34) and New York (31) have the second and third most, respectively. Besides D.C., seven states have three votes.
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If we are good and we kick ass, we have a chance. If we suck, well I guess we will just always …. be a little unknown band… SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this is a big three days for us coming up.
Wish us luck.
Last screening: cat Stevens Majikat concert from 1976. really really good. but man what happened to the Cat? He went Muslim on us and it doesn’t look like he is turning back anytime soon.
In this movie what the bleep do we know? this man comments that the most audacious thing we can do spiritually is to define this amazingly grand and powerful concept of God in our own image, as so many of mankind’s current antiquated religions still do. hey man you don’t have to tell me that. I’ve been thinking that since I was a little kid. I just never understood that whole lets box God in our own image thing that most people are so willing to do. I always just assumed that everyone me was crazy or worse that maybe it was just me. like I was an alien from a more enlightened planet or something.
there is this funny vision I have sometimes of what life must seem like for the humans when you are an alien who wakes up one day and realizes that they’re all playing football with these sticks of dynamite. And you ask them ‘hey aren’t you all worried that you’re playing ball with this dynamite?’ and they’re all like ‘oh no we’re not worried because the dynamite is our friend and its perfectly safe and we love the dynamite…’ and you’re like ‘well on my planet dynamite is dangerous and it could explode at any minute and kill you all. and the humans are like ‘well we are safe with the dynamite.’ ‘well how do you know this?’ ‘because it is written in our holy books. Everyone knows it. that’s just the way it is.’ And then you look at what they refer to as their holy books and its just all this crazy writing through the years all hodgepodge and collected over years and years with not a lot of sense. Some good some bad and a lot of confusing contradictions and non sequitors. You read how sometimes dynamite is a great thing and how people have loved the game of tossing it about for centuries, and other times dynamite is very dangerous and whole towns have been destroyed by it and yet the humans still persist in playing with it.. You can try to talk sense into them but they still continue to play with the dynamite and one day a big group of them blows up from the dynamite and then you question them about that and they reply that ‘it was the will of the dynamite. That’s just the way it is. the dynamite knows what is best.’
You feel sad for them and you realize that you may not be able to help them because this whole dynamite throwing game is just really big in their lives. they’re just going to keep playing with the dynamite and writing books about the dynamite and when bad things happen because of the dynamite they are just going to find a way to rationalize it. somehow, for some reason, they are addicted to it and will find any rational to justify the game, good or bad. If you really are an alien you may just want to head back to your own planet and leave the humans to their own devices till they smarten up a bit. But if you are from here on planet earth you have to find a way to deal with it. hope no one throws you any live sticks of dynamite with a big smile and tells you it can save your soul or something. just stay away from large open fields I guess.
But its not so bad anymore. People are coming around now. real spirituality is starting to slowly replace mans old dogma. I mean, we are at the place now where as a species we are trying to find a balance between the impractical and illogical dogma of mans old religions and the mysterious but innate spirituality that we all feel called to inside. We’re not there yet, but we’re getting there. God’s speed to all of us.
Current spin: raspberries first two albums. Really great old power pop on these records.
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The poet, our drummer of course, came into town tonight. the first of the guys. tomorrow morning the rest of the guys pull in. we go to the apocalypse lounge to meet some of his friends. East village. Walking around that I feel down there as though any minute you are three yards from an impending drug deal going down from all sides. A grungy area that when I was a younger man I cherished, and now feel more comfortable admiring from afar. Perhaps, I remark to the poet, that as you become older you simply become more uptown, and that’s just the way it is. regardless of the plausibility of my words ever ringing true enough to become prophecy, it has certainly happened for me. I couldn’t feel more comfortable on the upper east side, even though I couldn’t look more east village if I tried. This is the dichotomy of character that I have lived with all of my life. but now I am very comfortable in it.
If you are a person who drives, as most of us are here in America, you know that homey comfort you get from getting inside your car. especially if you have a car you really like. It becomes a part of you. and when you are inside of it you feel as though you are in your second home, your home away from home. in New York you don’t have that because you don’t have a car in New York. Some people I hear, but most don’t. you don’t drive anywhere but instead you just walk or take a cab or take the subway everywhere.
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mom left. She cried. what a pleasure it was to spend time with her. what a gift a mother is. the older I get the more I come to realize how lucky we are to have moms, for those of us who are that lucky. there is nothing like the love of a mother for her children. They say its hormonal for them. but I dare say that there’s got to be more to it than just hormones. Mom is an angel and really helped me settle in to my new home nicely.
Current read: the alchemist. A nice little inspiring read. he has sold more than fifty million books in total. Good times. also checking out this book called mentored by a millionaire. Trite for the most part, but subtle changes can be had by scanning the pages within.
Cool story here about the underground parties in Paris’ subways:
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=572&ncid=572&e=1&u=/nm/20041009/lf_nm/france_cataphiles_dc
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*** it is not the best city in the world to be fair to other cities, but I would say that in all fairness it may be the best place in the world. something like that.
Last screening: what the bleep do we know? good film. all should see it. doesn’t say much new if you are already a new-ager or into quantum physics. but you will still enjoy it. just being among like-minds for a short time will give much comfort.
By the way, Christopher reeves died today. I am writing it, but I cannot believe it. now I fear for the worst. I had just always envisioned that in the next couple of years that we would all wake up one day and discover that Chris was up and walking on his own. That was the great promise of the superman. THAT WAS the dream. But that dream is lost now. seems like a bad omen.
Last night I dreamed that I had killed a few people. the agony over it, the irreversible guilt and agony was miserable to bear. You wouldn’t imagine. An intense secret that weighed very heavy. Constantly trying to hide from everyone that I came into contact with.
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Very important to use whatever tools you have available, whether they be Avatar or Anthony Robbins or visualization or meditation or what have you, to get rid of it. but again, the key is in recognizing that you are living in a state of fear. Then the easy part is to discreate it.
We have come so far as a species now. we have so many tools available to us now to improve ourselves. There really is no excuse to not be living the life of our dreams.
So cold in New York now that when I am outside writing that I cannot get the cursor to move on my laptop’s touchpad because my fingers are so cold. The touchpad works by heat from your fingers. My fingers must be too freezing. Now that’s cold.