Such feelings of release and relief and joy in the subtle realizations that come and go about me really being here now and leaving all of that behind down there. there was so much there that I needed to let go of. I feel like such a new person. so happy and free and relieved and clean.
although it is cold and I am not finding it easy to deal with. It is 32 degrees today, says it feels like 26 degrees. Yes that’s about right. feels like 26. when its raining on top of that it really sucks. Freezing rain pelting you in the face as you are walking block after block. Really makes you wonder about the 8.5 people that live here. [I checked. Its only 8.5 million people that actually live in Manhattan believe it or not. One would think it was a lot more. but that’s it.] I mean people tell you that your skin will thicken up or that your blood will thicken to the cold but of course those are just old wives tales. Maybe you just build up a tolerance to it. but that hasn’t happened to me yet.
down in the southern states you never even think about the weather. its just always warm or hot. So except for rain or hurricanes the weather is pretty unimportant. Not something you pay attention to. here you are looking at the weather everyday. Forecasting days ahead of time, praying for a warm day to come around now and then. I just never knew the weather was so important. Until now. I really am in shock that people actually live like this. I just never had any conception of it. I am truly in shock over it. millions and millions of people live like this year after yaer. Don’t they know about the southern states? I guess they figure it’s a tradeoff; they trade good weather for class culture intelligence and style. [hey don’t blame me for all those red states voting to keep slavery and ban gay marriage and voting for Bush so they could lose the rest of their jobs. we’re not losing our jobs in the big cities. And the guy flat out said on live TV that he wasn’t going to help them save their jobs but rather help them get educated so they could get better jobs. hey believe that one when you see it. poor bastards. They are in for a cruel awakening. They have no one to blame but themselves for their reputation. Hey maybe it’s the lack of cold weather that gets to their brain or something. maybe we humans need cold weather to think rationally or something. who knows. then again look at world war two Germany or Russia, so fuck me what do I know?]
but one thing you do notice is that you really become much more aware of the seasons here in the cold weather and also the holidays take on a much more significant flavor in your life as well. in the South, the holidays just seem so blasé and commercial and overplayed. Whereas here in the north the holidays really take on a kind of a magical essence. You can already feel it in the air. And then it snows and its like you’re really walking in a winter wonder land, rather than just singing about it.