It is so easy to fall in love isn’t it?
Sdawg’s name has now officially changed to Britney, because she looks like the other Britney if you took away all the makeup, wannabe cool clothes, red state mentality, low-breeding, shallow wanton desperate for attention smuttiness and idiocy. And if she could sing – because Sdawg/now-Britney can sing like nothing you’ve ever heard. Picture Britney the one you know without all of those prior stated qualities that she is so famous for, and picture her in a short dress, a sunflower apron over it, baking blueberry muffins, while whistling or singing, and you have a pretty good idea of the Sdawg/now-Britney that I speak of, know, and love….
An insane night! But first let me fill you in on the pre-night:
First off, fan mail is getting overwhelming, nuts, and crazy. something in the stars perhaps. but the strangest requests. Naked pictures in the mail. Crazy email requests and solicitations as if everyone knows you, is your close personal friend. A barrage that is getting truly un-handleable.
Zeke and Jodiach flew into town today for zekes bday. we all hooked up. Sandina was there as well – who is actually TWO people – the two hottest girls you have ever seen but who happen to be married to each other. Good friends of ours and I think the world of them. and of course wish they weren’t gay sometimes so I could make mad passionate love to each of them. we had some good fun quiet time the five of us. Great times tonight talking about the Miami music scene and catching up. they filled me in on everyone down there and what’s been going on. zeke’s doing some work with Jon Secada and Lenny but other than that there isn’t a lot going on down there right now. Reggeaton is big there now. that’s about it. its not like the old days when there was this great rock music scene. Which is one of the many reasons why I bailed and came here. No where better than here right now.
Jodiach tells me that she now understands my song Vicodin. Before she used to think it was so weird that someone would write a song about a pill. But then she had surgery and she had to take Vicodin and she felt happier than she ever felt in her life. ‘gosh I told Zeke, if everyone could just be on Vicodin all the time the world would be such a happy place… now I understand why Fishy wrote that song…’ my sentiments exactly…
So anyway, I tell them to tell everyone hello down there, and if anyone asks so what’s Fishy doing right now? just tell them that Fishy has lost his mind, that I’m hitting all these karaoke clubs every night with this 23 year old girl; and they will totally freak out and think I’m insane. Is he on tour? what about the band’s new album? How is his TV show going? ‘uh… well from what we can tell, he’s just totally into karaoke now. He’s abandoned his career for karaoke now. Look for his new karaoke tour coming to a town near you soon!’ we laugh our asses off. The thing is that everyone would believe that without batting an eyelid.
O.k. so anyway it is true, after I separate from the group I meet up with Sdawg/now-Britney to hit some karaoke club dive bar on the Upper East Side. It is well past 1am in the morning. We’re in the cab and we are laughing our asses off that we are just starting our evening at well past 1am to hit these stupid karaoke bars. But we are addicted.
We go to the song books and find a bunch of songs and fill in the little sheets and give them to the guy, pissed that there is no Lou reed, no velvet underground, no “somewhere in my youth or childhood, from sound of music’ no ‘some enchanted evening.’ this is a small place. only modern shit pedestrian songs. After that is over, we start drinking, putting on a good buzz while we wait our turn, and listening to the other people up there doing their thing. of course its now past 2am and everyone in there is totally drunk and I mean, who the hell is in a bar at 2am on a weeknight anyway. say no more.
Now bear in mind, Brit is a professional singer. her parents are both singers, majoring in music, her mother a professional singer, being raised singing from the day she was born – her voice is awesome. And me, well, the older I get, the more I realize that I can actually sing a bit. Whether I sing well or not, I’ll never know – I never thought I did, but now and then I think I sound alright; but regardless, at this point, I can safely call myself a professional singer, no matter how good or bad I may sound . So we sit in these bars late at night and we wait our turn and we keep drinking waiting for our turn and as the night wears on we get slightly hammered…. good times… And we laugh and goof off because its just so not our scene that its ridiculous. But we cannot help going. because we love to sing.
We go up on stage when it is our turn and we sing Sorrow by bowie and it is so exhilarating, and the whole place quiets down to where you can hear a pin drop and everyone in the bar looks up on the stage to see what the hell is going on with their mouths hanging open. Who the hell is that up there?! because you know, we’re not Mr. and Mrs. Smith up there hammered out of our minds yodeling away all out of tune… we’re more like pretending to be Mr. and Mrs. Smith raiding these karaoke bars late at night just because we love to fucking sing so much more than anything else. (If there is one thing that I have been negatively accused of in the fucking Nazi-press it has been having a similar voice to Dave’s so me singing Bowie is totally cheating I know. But I can’t help it. its so addictive to sing other people’s songs.)
So we go up and do our thing, but you have to picture this. we sit there and face each other, not the audience or other patrons, and we sing to each other and the whole time we are talking to each other between verses. Sing a verse, “o.k. now you,” sing another verse, “o.k. now you take this one…” It’s hilarious. And we get into it physically and emotionally as anyone else up there does.
So then she does an amazing Crazy by that country singer patsy Cline and all these guys are swooning all over her. I mean, seriously, they are sitting on the stage at her feet, and on the floor of the bar staring up at her holding on her every word… she’s an angel to these guys or something. they are swooning. it really was crazy.
Then we go for Bowie’s Heroes together, which I totally nail but she gets a bit nervous. So the whole time we are talking to each other over the mics, we sing a verse, ‘o.k. now you take this one,’ ‘no I’m too nervous. You do it.’ I sing the next verse, ‘o.k. c’mon try it,’ ‘no, I can’t, you do it.’ ‘no, c’mon give it a try,’ sing another verse…. on and on like that. sounded awesome though. LOVE that song. really I just love to sing any song. love singing.
Right now we are totally dueting everything mostly because I am new at this and get nervous…. but this time she got nervous. Silly and funny right? karaoke can be intensely competitive at times one notices. If you’re a singer and you’re just moonlighting because it’s the middle of the night and you’re getting your rocks off, then who the fuck cares – it’s a goof, but you can tell that some of those people are day-jobbers who at heart are frustrated singers who are really good and they take the shit really seriously because karaoke is all they have and that’s a strange thing, but you can feel it from some of them. Some of the talent is really really good.
So anyway, while I’m singing a little all the way by Sinatra – but I’m totally copping an Ed Hale style, mixed in with a little Bono and Sinatra all at the same time so it sounds cool as shit, some middle-aged geezer is totally hitting on Britney; he’s got his hands all over her. So I jump down and tell him to bog off. I’m like, ‘what is she your girlfriend or something?’ and he’s like ‘no.’ and so I’m like, ‘yeah, I didn’t think so. so get the fuck away’ But he just drunkenly slurs some rude comment. Out of the blue this rage swells in me, so I take this glass of Stella and slam him over the head with it. Just knock him out cold! He falls to the floor out cold. We of course get attacked by the bar staff and have to run out of there laughing our asses off. Won’t be going in there for a few I would imagine.
I can’t believe how guys just hit on girls like that. its crazy. he had his hands all over her. she tells me that she gets that all day everyday from so many guys. I couldn’t imagine what that must be like. I also couldn’t imagine being her boyfriend. I would constantly be getting my ass kicked or kicking someone’s ass if she was always getting hit on like that. it would be maddening. Of course I told her last night, she could discreate it at anytime if she wanted to. after all it is she show is creating it. putting it out there. Brit’s 23 years old, so at that age, who the hell cares. Do whatever you want to. just live the life and enjoy the hell out of it.
What is up with this country and its current heroes? This is the current conversation we shared this evening amongst many groups of different friends as the night wore on. on the tips of everyone’s tongue right now.
Did anyone hear the comment william bennet made? He said something to the effect that we could lower crime in America by aborting all the black babies coming into the world. What a fucking crazy lunatic bigoted asshole. And he’s considered a heroic voice in the republican party.
Bush, rice, Cheney, Rumsfeld, rove, Paris Hilton jessica simpson Britney spears…. what a fucking crazy place our country is in right now… these are the heroes of the day. sad and pathetic and scary. But the question is begged, has it ever been any different? yes, that is the question.