Saturday night or sunday morning 3AM depending on how you look at it. January 1st, 2012. Yep. Its no secret. Except maybe to folks in Hawaii. Weve finally wrestled free from the viscious grip of 2011 and in the last 3 seconds of the game we managed to dive into the endzone of 2012. Thank God. As more than one good friend family member or innocent passerby commented over the last few weeks, “2011 sucked”. I tend to agree. So I’m more than a little happy relieved and excited to leave that number behind once and for all. Talk about change and challenge. If 2011 offered anything, it was a lot of change and a whole hell of a lot of challenge. Let’s agree to get into that some other day. It’s late now and I’m tired. Besides the fact that I’m attempting to write this post in the pitch black of night on a tiny ass little iPhone keyboard.
I’ve been married now for almost two years. I’ve got friends who’ve been married for twenty. So I get that two years isn’t a long time for such things. But long time friends fans and readers know that the ongoing saga that recounts the romance between me and Princess Little Tree has been a long slow steady natural and very organic evolution. It started with a bang. An impossible love at first sight — nearly ten years ago. And slowly over time it eventually evolved into one of the most super-natural and magical Hollywood ending like weddings I’ve ever had the priveledge to be a part of. The fact that it was my wedding made it that much more incredible.
I’d just about given up on “finding the One” when I realized I already had. Princess Little Tree had always been there. Right under my nose all along. Sometimes at the forefront of my wild life. And at other times more in the background. But always an active and willing character in the never ending “Adventures of Fishy” (that’s me btw for new readers; and it also happens to be the title of the series of novels which a very small part of you are now reading).
Marriage is a rocky road. I don’t lie anymore. It’s too damn hard to get away with both literally and karmically. So you won’t ever hear me utter the words “marriage is easy.” But one good thing I have discovered about marriage is this: if you committ to your committment, such as the sentiments you expressed in your wedding vows when everything was all hot sex and fireworks, and you’re willing to not only allow your partner to change as they see fit, but also change along with them, marriage offers an amazing array of benefits that very few other things in life seem to. I’ve done just about everything a human being should be allowed to in my short life thus far and more even. In that i am very very blessed. Or just really damn lucky. And I’ve gotta admit, marrying the fairest purest kindest most beautiful girl in all the world has so far been the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had.
Having waited for over twenty years and making sure that I more than sowed my wild oats was the strategy as any faithful reader or friend of mine knows. I wanted no regrets when I was older. Neither did I want any midlife crisis leading to divorce as more than 55% of Americans experience. Just didn’t see it in the cards for me. Besides, there was no real reason as far as I was concerned to rush into marriage. I never saw marriage as an accomplishment as a lot of middle Americans seem to, rushing into it in their early to mid twenties as if marriage and children in and of itself was some kind of goal or acheivement. Girls were plenty. And rushing into anything that lasts “forever” seemed to me at least to be a damn risky venture. So I looked at marriage as more of a “well if I ever really feel that strongly about a girl where the actual thought of marriage doesn’t make me feel sick and frightened then I’ll be happy to do it.” But until that time if it ever arrives, I’m just as happy being single and enjoying the heck out of what singlehood has to offer.
But then along came PLT. From the moment I met her I couldn’t put her away so to speak. Couldn’t shake her. No matter how hard I tried. And truth be told not only was she the best friend I’d ever made in my life, she also happened to be the most kind sweet caring unique generoous neat cool sexy fun loyal and special girl I’d ever known. Once I let my guard down, after almost seven years of on again off again mini romances wirh her, I felt something with her that I’d never truly felt before: YES. I felt YES everytime I thought or prayed about marrying her. It just took me a while to realize that sometimes what we think we are looking for may not appear from the outside looking in to be what we originally plan on when we’re young and idealistic to the point of living in a fantasy world as we artists tend to do for better or worse.
So I took the plunge. Princess Little Tree had waited for me her whole life. She knew from the moment she laid eyes on me that she’d never feel as much love in her heart as she did for me. She wrote to me daily in her personal diaries for seven years. Without my knowledge. And more than that she stayed my best friend through those seven years as I dated hundreds of other girls in my quest to find Mrs Right or just have a good time as a single man with an irresistably controversial reputation.
Fast forward three years and here we are. Husband and wife. Pigs do fly after all and hell has officially frozen so said Duckie, one of my formers and still a good friend since high school when she first heard the news. I was surprised how easy it was — proposing, allowing her in all the way, letting the invisible wall come down brick by brick that sheilded my heart of hearts from anyone but myself and my God. Being married to Princess Little Tree is easy. I’ve got to admit it. It would be unfair to her not to. Surprisingly easy.
On the other side of the token being married in general is challenging. No matter who u marry. Surprising even more for me was the discovery that as perfect as she seemed as a friend and girlfriend PLT has her own special set of imperfections. We all do. God knows it can’t be easy to be married to me. It’s nearly 4am in the morning now and I’m sitting here writing in bed next to the beautiful princess who’s been sleeping since 1. She’ll wake up for her day sometime around 5 to 7 AM. I’ll sleep till noon if she let’s me. That can’t be easy. I get it.
But the real point to it all for me at least is that for all the chalenges that day to day married life throws in our way, once we overcome them we find ourselves even more in love with our spouse than we were before. And I wholeheartedly mean that. It’s the reason I’m writing this post. It’s the major theme of the film. It’s the aria of this particular opera.
For three days or more I have found myself falling more and more in love with PLT than I ever felt before. And that says a lot. As a hopeless romantic as these Diaries attest to time and time again when I fall in love I fall hard. Earth shattering hard. And yet there seems to be no bottom to hit as you fall. No limits. If you’re married to the right person I assume.
Tonight we drove thirty minutes away from our own home to stay in a posh hotel in downtown Seattle, to share dinner together at a five star restaurant and attend a concert by the Seattle Symphony performing Beethoven’s 9th Symphony as a way to bring in the New Year. She looked ravishing. As always. Dressed all in black. I am always so proud to be seen with her. Because Princess Little Tree is a drop dead gorgeous to look at woman when it comes to pure beauty. And yes that’s a very nice thing. But it’s not THE thing.
The real thing, the ultimate thing, about PLT as far as I can tell, is who she is inside. The only word that repeatedly comes to mind is “special.” Like a fairy princess out of story book, she often looks and speaks and acts overtly magical or other worldly. She’s happy when we do big things. Like this evening’s grand adventure. But she’s just as happy doing simple things. She’d never been to a symphony before. It was an honor to accompany her to her first and to observe the looks on her face throughout. She is almost never without appreciation or gratitude. And hence I am never without a longing to please her or make her happy.
After the symphony we joined a thousand others for a raucous champaign soaked dance and New Years Eve countdown. We toasted each other numerous times recounting our various new years resolutions to one another. Each and every one a shared goal. As if what is most important to either one of us is equally important to the other. Words can not do justice to what a remarkable feeling that is. To share that unity of vision with another. Each toast was puncuated with a kiss or two or three. Eventually we made our way out into the streets to head back to our hotel. She took her heels off because her feet hurt and walked back in her barefeet and stockings in 35 degree weather and smiled and laughed the whole way.
You see, when you are lucky enough to find yourself married to a girl like that, a real live in the flesh princess, there is no end to how much love you can feel for her. It is boundless. So yes, indeed, so far it has been a very happy new year. But alas the new year is only four hours old. Something tells me that this new year has the potential to offer more incredible opportunities for all of us than any other year of our lifetimes. It’s just a hunch. Call it “2012 superstition.” I also see that this new year may pose more challenges for those of us striving for peace on earth and love and light than we’ve experienced in decades. It’s in the air. A new Renaissance is just around the bend. Many have been feeling it for months now.
What gives me hope, what makes me smile as I sit her writing, is that regardless of how crazy or challenging things may become as the climax of this grand battle between good and evil on earth reaches it’s zenith, I’ve got this knowing inside that everything is going to be ok. Better than ok. True love can do that to us if we let it. I now know and understand the power of true love on a personal level. PLT has given me that. And so much more. And not even deliberatly. It wasn’t a conscious decision I don’t believe anyway as much as just one of rhe many benefits of allowing her into my life and allowing her to be her incredible beautiful self.
No matter how tough things get in a marriage — and they do at times — there is refuge in the fact that if youre married to the right person and you stick it out things will turn back around and become even better than they were before. This is an amazing phenomenon. Just one of the many that true love between two people has to offer us.