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U2 Proves Rock is Dead. And So Is the Album

September 11, 2014

The below is the latest blog entry from music-culture blogger and general curmudgeon, Bob Lefsetz. In it he plainly and clearly argues that the release of the latest U2 album — through giving it away for free via Apple’s iTunes platform — was yet another red flag that rock music AND the album as a viable art-form is utterly entirely and completely dead. He argues a lot of things in the article below. Much of it makes sense and rings true. One of things he emphatically states is that no one has time to dig through 11 songs on a rock music album (or any album for that matter) and therefore U2 wasted years creating their newest magnum opus. They should have just released a 4 song EP instead. You can read it below for yourself. Frankly I don’t have the time to respond to Bob’s ideas — and THIS gives testimony to just how accurate he is in his latest treatise on the rapidly changing cultural world around us.

For my part, I CAN say this. Everyone knows that I am an avid U2 fan. I own all their albums and buy them as soon as they come out or soon afterwards. I have seen them live in concert more times than I can count. But have I heard this new one yet? Nope. Do I even own it? Nope. And they’re giving it away for FREE!!! Yet I still don’t own it. Yep. This fact proves Bob’s point more than I’d like it to. To further prove the validity of his statements below, he is right in these assertions as well: I didn’t want to go to iTunes to download the album — while at the gym I obviously wasn’t able to do this. What I wanted to do was LISTEN TO the album. As in STREAM IT via Spotify. But U2 made the irreversible error of making the album NOT available on Spotify for at least a month or two. By that time no one will be talking about or interested in the new U2 album. We’ll all be discussing something else entirely. So they lost that shot. The next place I went to try to hear the new album? YouTube. Just like Bob predicted we all would. And as can probably be guessed, the new U2 album is not yet available on YouTube. So they dropped that ball too.

This is why, three days later I still don’t own the new U2 album. And I’m an actual FAN. Forget about the ex-fans or never-have-been-fans or the flat-out haters. They’re all having a field day making fun of and insulting Bono and company. They’ve become the punchline of the hour, the battering ram of the week — right after Ray Rice, ISIS and Ferguson, Missouri.

It’s a damn sad day when one of the greatest musical acts of all time can become so lambasted, negatively perceived and devoured by mainstream society for such a small and simple mistake. It’s even more disturbing that Lefsetz appears to be right not only in his assertion that rock music has lost all credibility and influence in modern Western society AND so too has the album as a viable art-form SIMPLY BECAUSE no one has the time for either of them. Especially for yours truly, who still bathes in the illusion that I make my living from recording and releasing albums of primarily “rock” music. Oh well. Oh well. Oh well. Better luck next time.

What follows below is the article by Bob Lefsetz. Happy reading. Feel free to share your thoughts.

Ambassador

NEWS FOR A DAY

No different from a rape or a murder, but with even less legs. In today’s world it’s not about making an impact, but sustaining. Could it be that Bono’s been living too long in the echo chamber, hanging with forty and fiftysomethings who think they rule the world but truly don’t? Yes, older people build the tools, but it’s young people who utilize them. The older bloke will lament the loss of the record shop, the younger person has never been. If you want to make it in today’s marketing culture you must be online 24/7, picking up the nuances. Because it is about cred and it is about cool but if you think the old rules apply, you probably can’t name a YouTube star.

EVANESCENCE

This is an analog of the above. Here today, gone tomorrow. How could the band be so stupid as to believe anybody would actually play their music, especially the 500 million it was pushed to. Where’s the afterplan? Nonexistent.

PUSH

We live in a pull economy. Nothing pisses off the audience more than pushing something they don’t want and didn’t ask for to their devices. Even if you don’t download the album, it’s sitting there in your purchases, pissing you off.

HOW TO

Did you have iCloud turned on in iTunes? Even those who wanted the album weren’t quite sure how to get it.

ALBUM

How many tracks did PSY have? One!

OVERLOAD

No one’s got time to listen to a complete album, especially when it’s pushed upon them, that’s just too much material. Yes, a nascent artist on his way up might have people check out more tracks on his album out of curiosity, but no one’s curious about U2, they already know everything about them. One must factor in that we’re all overloaded with stimuli and you must point us to the paramount item and make it digestible in a matter of moments. If we love it, we’ll want more. If we don’t, we’re never going to get to the rest of your opus that you spent years creating.

ALBUM TWO

Make it an EP. Four tracks. People haven’t finished Piketty’s tome. It would have been better off as a magazine article. People bought it, they just didn’t read it, who’s got the time?

ENGAGEMENT

Now what. Where’s the game, where’s the jaw-dropping viral video? Where’s the element we can all point to and talk about. If anything, we’re talking about the stunt, not the music.

WRONG SERVICE

They’d have been better off releasing it on YouTube, that’s where the digital generation goes for music. iTunes is a backwater. It may be the number one sales outlet, but it’s not the number one music platform, not even close.

UNHIP

Put it on Spotify. Try to look cutting edge. Meanwhile, having the quality of your music trumpeted by Tim Cook is like having Ed Sullivan say your tunes are good.

CLOSED DOORS

This is the problem vexing filmed entertainment/video, there’s not one platform with everything. But in music we’ve solved this problem, Spotify and YouTube have all the tracks and you can access them for free, but putting hype over practicality, U2 failed to see they were playing in a walled garden, to their detriment.

This was a stunt, poorly executed. Everybody forgets that despite all the hoopla about naming your own price, “In Rainbows” was a disaster, with only hard core fans familiar with the material. Yup, Radiohead may be independent, but they’ve done a good job of marginalizing themselves.

And at least Beyonce had the videos, somewhere to click to.

And Weird Al had videos too, but after a week, few cared.

Because at the end of the day we only care about the music. And U2 didn’t cut that one indelible track that stops us in our tracks, that we want to listen to again and again and pass on. Sure, the song they played at the Apple soiree was good, but good is no longer good enough.

Furthermore, when Bono talked he lost all charisma.

This looked like nothing so much as what it was, old farts using their connections to shove material down the throats of those who don’t want it. It’s what we hate so much about today’s environment, rich people who think they know better and our entitled to their behavior.

Don’t listen to the press. Rock writers are antiques who are underpaid who are in it for access and free tickets.

And the business press doesn’t care about the music.

And the old fart fortysomethings who talk about this music should be ignored. It’s no different from a Jason Isbell fan testifying about his tracks. No offense, but it’s a tiny world. Sure, U2’s is bigger, but until U2 cuts a track that makes the rest of us care, we don’t.

Meanwhile, Jason Isbell had a hit today, he tweeted: “U2 PHONES IT IN.”

Yup, that’s Internet culture, where someone who raises their head above is fodder for criticism.

But it gets worse.

Cultofmac said:

“But trotting out aging Irish rockers after you’ve wowed the world with the first glimpse of the glorious Apple Watch? That’s not thinking different. That’s a pity-f__k for a band that’s lost its edge, and an unfortunate bum note for a company that’s rarely perceived as tone-deaf.”

http://www.cultofmac.com/295084/u2-apple-event/

Whew!

All over the web people are criticizing U2. And that’s where music now lives, online.

So, so long Bono and crew. You’ll continue to sell tickets, but you’re no longer au courant.

So long rock that does not break through on Top Forty. U2 would have been better off cutting a country track, that would have been a better fit with a fighting chance of airplay.

So long albums. If you’ve got an hour to listen to once that which must be listened to ten times to get you’ve got no life, but everyone does, and they’re the center of it, glued to their devices, and to distract them you’ve got to be pretty damn good and the talk of the town for an extended period of time, U2’s new music is not.

So long stunts with no aftermath. If you’re not in the news every damn day, you’re getting it wrong. The biggest pop stars are the Kardashians. Ever notice not a day goes by without them in the news? Bono, et al, would be better off hanging with the sisters than heads of state, at least if they want to have a hit.

And so long the fiction that Guy Oseary would do a better job than Paul McGuinness. There might be a patina of new school, but this album release is positively old school.

Here’s how it goes:

Make everyone aware.

Put tickets on sale.

Make it an event, a la the Stones, i.e. if you don’t come now, you may never be able to experience it again.

Trump up traditional press so wankers believe there’s something happening.

But there’s not.

Because “I Will Follow” was inspired. It sounded like nothing else. It had urgency. It had attitude. You needed to hear it again. It was so good you wanted to hear what else the band was up to.

The new album is paint-by-numbers disposable.

Today we have to pull you into our world. And we only hold you in our bosom if we believe your music is repeatable and deserves our time.

Bono’s on top of the world, he’ll reject everything I say.

Rapino and Oseary will keep shoveling, hoping to keep this alive.

And you and me?

WE’RE ALREADY OVER IT!

You know when you know that you know

January 1, 2012

Most people may not know it. But YOU do. YOU… KNOW… when you know that you know. You just know it. And no matter what anyone else says or thinks they know, you know that you know you know; and that’s as golden as gets. Though it’s not without it’s challenges. Number one, you need to learn to and learn how to trust it. If you really know you know, then you know. And you know that. So forget about what other people say or claim to believe. You need to master the art of ignoring the various objections you may hear from others; for arguing about something you already know you know is a waste of precious time effort and energy. You will also want to cultivate a thick skin in order to handle the occasional attacks on your character by those whose insecurities compel them to resort to ad hominem falacies when confronted with people of superior intelligence.

Try to remember “the lowest common deniminator phenomenon”… Ie that there are billions of people on planet earth, and that most of them are either not so smart or not so bold as to stand up to the not so smart to defend the few who stick out because they know things most people don’t. Call it the law of crowds, or mob rules, or live and let die. It’s an unfortunate aspect of being alive in human form on planet earth that throughout recorded human history almost anyone who knew something valuable well before most others was usually mocked ridiculed attacked imprisoned or put to death because of it. Think Jesus Gandhi Gallileo Tesla Einstein or MLK. To name only a few.I’m sure there are thousands of examples. Knowing stuff can be dangerous.

In our own time names like David Icke or Richard Branson or even the late Steve Jobs come to mind. Without an ounce of brand loyalty nor any corporate sponsorship (I’m certainly not opposed to the latter though) take Steve Jobs for example simply because his story makes a great case to further the point. From the very beginning of the personal computer age to the present day, Jobs had numerous opponents objectors and competitors. Most notably Bill Gates and his fledgling Microsoft. It’s no secret anymore that Gates and company tricked deceived and stole many of the most important elements of their Windows OS from the more gullible Jobs and Wozniack(sp?) and their burgeoning Apple Computers OS. It’s also no secret that no matter how much one pays for a “Windows based PC”, it will never look or perform as well or as quickly or as efficiently as an Apple computer. And yet the majority of the aforementioned billions of people on planet earth still use said Windows based PCs instead of Apple.

Call it the law of the land. The idea of the masses of mediocrity controlling things in our world is so ingrained in all of us that as most people now know Steve Jobs was fired from his job as CEO of Apple even though it was his own company. Yet again, if Jobs suffered from anything besides the arrogance that often accompanies the intelligence of those who know they know that they know it was gullibility. Of course history eventually self corrected that injustice in the nick of time right before Apple was about to go bust and bringing him back on board not only saved Apple the company, it also revolutionized how nearly every person on earth lives works communicates and functions; along with half a dozen global industries as well. Steve Jobs and “what he knew” was vindicated in this case. But many aren’t.

And yet we cannot forget the more important point of the Steve Jobs story, that being that Microsoft branded Windows based computers still outsell the far superior Apple brand by at least 100 to 1. Truth be told those numbers may be much higher. The statistics aren’t as important as the phenomenon itself. It’s an anomaly that is as easily understandable, due to this “lowest common denominator phenom”, as it is surprising.

If you get this then you probably also get the gist of the importance of staying true to yourself when you know you know whatever it is that you know. But social pressures are often the straw that breaks the back of many of the smartest people in human society. Many play dumb to fit in. Pretending they don’t know what they know. Or at least don’t know as much of it as they do. Others simply give in to the threat of losing contact with others due to recognizing that if they stand tall and speak up about how much they know then they start to get verbally attacked by those around them. Sometimes those “others” can be the closest people in proximity to you. One’s own family or best friends.

People don’t like “know it alls”. And most of us simply don’t have the time nor the capactity to know it all. But if you know a lot about a thing or two you may have experienced this label being branded on you more than once in your life. It hurts. It’s not fun. People will accuse you of always thinking you’re right all the time. The problem is that you may well be right all the time because you may be one of the few who don’t ever speak about something unless you know for sure that you’re right. Or not. Only you know. But 99% of people don’t live this way. So they have no idea that it’s possible. Take a few days of silence and do nothing but listen to other people. Whether in person or on the Internet or the radio or the TV, most people just talk all the time regardless of whether they know what they’re talking about or not. If you’re one of the few who already know you know that you know then you know this already. Which means you also understand why the world we live in has always been so compromised mediocre and painful.

Most people are not half as interested in being right as they are to being heard. Which is why the world is filled with so much noise disguised as content. Erroneous soundbites created by misinformed (or worse yet, disinformed) propaganda machines. Mediocrity for the masses of mediocre. But again, if you’re one of the few who know, then you know this already. The secret is to do your best to disguise the fact that you know this so you can maintain a semblance of feeling and appearing as though you fit in.

Some people don’t recognize how often you confess to not knowing things so you can in turn ask about and then learn about whatever it is in that moment that you don’t think you know enough about. This is one of the tell-tale signs of a someone who knows a whole hell of a lot versus a pompous know it all who only thinks they know a lot. People who know a lot have no problem admitting when they dont know something. In fact they do it all the time. They remain in effect in a constant state of knowing how much they dont know and thus are always attempting to do something about it.

This is why — if you’re a long time reader of The Transcendence Diaries or just one of those who “know” — you may remember the old adage proffered here years ago stating that “Those who truly KNOW (all cap KNOW) know that they don’t know. (meaning they know that they don’t know much of anything and will therefore never truly KNOW) and thus this is how those who KNOW can recognize others who KNOW. By the fact that they know that they don’t really KNOW and they don’t mind admitting it. None of us do. This, it turns out, is just about the only thing there is to really know. Therefore if you’re ever in a position where you’re trying to figure out if someone really KNOWS, or if instead they’re just “smart” or know a lot, you can easily determine this by their willingness and/or capability to admit that they know that they don’t really KNOW. If you KNOW then you know what I’m talking about here. If not… Then, well, start taking a look at all the things you and everyone else doesn’t know. Soon you’ll discover that none of us really know much of anything. That’s the first step and the first major realization on the road to really KNOWING But of course that’s also our curse. It isnt easy knowing so much that you’ve reached the point where you know how much we still dont know. It makes social interactions with nearly everyone entirely unbearable. Your choice again is to pretend how little you know all the time in order to fit in, ie “playing dumb,” or being a flat out recluse or loner. But at least we know it. There’s a wee bit of solace and refuge in that.

And therein lies the challenge. Just by your very nature, even if you’ve perfected the art of dumbing down in order to fit in, you still may get attacked. It’s as if people can vibrationally pick up on the fact that you arent nearly as dumb and normal as you pretend to be. And to the other strategy, just being yourself and boldly going through life hoping that over the years you will meet others at the same level as you, even when you confess to not knowing things you dont know, you still get accused of always thinking you know it all.

It’s easy to start playing dumb. To fit in wirh the bulk of the people you encounter on the road through life. But I recommened resisting that temptation with everything you’ve got. The same goes for going the loner route. History is filled with stories of loner geniuses. But I’ve never fancied that kind of life very appealing myself. I love people too much. I think i love people as much as I love knowing things. In fact i know i do. Which means I spent the first quarter of my life being ridiculed for being a brainiac or nerd, the second quarter of my life playing dumb to fit in, and luckily over the last few years I’ve managed to find that ever so slight nearly invisible line between being a someone who knows a lot and being a socially acceptable and appealing fellow human. I consider myself very lucky for this.

Of course I still get attacked now and then and accused of being a know it all, or someone who “always has to be right all the time.” But at this point I’m too aware of how utterly meaningless it is to care about such things. Knowing that you know you know is simply too valuable a commodity for oneself and the world around us to care more about fitting in than knowing a lot. In the end you and most others around you will begin to recognize how much more important you are to the world because of what you know versus how well you fit in. In fact as “Mr. Tipping Point” himself pointed out in his last book “Outliers”, if you’ve got what it takes to endure those first few decades of ridicule, there’s a good chance your knowing will contribute considerably more to the world than your fitting in ever will.

The main point to always remember is that only YOU know if you really know that you know that you know. With the right amount of courage and confidence, you can either ignore or overcome the objections of others and use this gift to make the world a better place for all of us.

iPhone, Blackberry, or Palm? – or Why We Love the iPhone but Don’t Use One

January 29, 2009

A lot of talk lately about the new Palm Pre PDA/Handheld. Stuff Magazine claims it might be THE phone to kill the iPhone. Not that one cares or should care about such things… except that Apple dominates right now in so many areas and still manages to suck ass in a lot of the areas they dominate in. Case in point: our dead iPods that DO NOT come with replaceable batteries. (I have a 60 gig iPod that will not even turn on anymore that is only 2 years old…. sad little thing.) Once an ipod hits the 2 or 3 year mark they just stop working and won’t recharge. Buy a new battery you say? Yeah, great idea. Except that Apple doesn’t offer that. So you either throw it away or call Apple to see what you CAN do. They tell you that for $168 they will “fix it” or send you a “refurbished and reformatted” ipod. They DO NOT guarantee that they will send you YOUR ipod back. So that’s that. Your ipod is history.

ipod pricing has come down so much that you can now buy the same ipod that you paid $500 for two or three years ago for $200. That’s not a bad thing. But it does make their $168 fee to fix your dead battery or give you a refurbished replacement a negligible solution. Now you might as well buy a new one. And get used to it. Because you’ll be doing that every 2 or 3 years. Great idea guys. Now that’s innovation.

A buddy says to me the other day, “dude can I use your charger for my ipod again?” I’m like “what? you just used it last night…” He’s like “yeah I know but it only holds a charge for an hour or less now… do they have a new battery I can get for this?” “Nah man. You send it in for $168 for them to send you some used one…” “But I only paid $150 for this new,” he says. “yeah, welcome to the world of the ipod.”

And that’s just the grand finale rape scene that leaves you weeping when you exit the theatre. Forget about all the kicking biting scratching punching and beating you take before that trying to use the damn thing.

A friend says to me a few weeks ago while looking for a song, “God I hate scrolling like this! It drives me crazy. Isn’t there any other way to find a song or an artist?” “Nope. Nice huh?” Looks cool, but they cost three times as much as they should and will drive you absolutely crazy if you try to use it. Hey wait a minute! That sounds like something else… what is it??? oh that’s it. Apple computers themselves. But let’s not even go there yet.

So I call Apple one day. “Hey there. I probably loaded about ten new albums into iTunes this weekend and I want to be able to see those new albums on my ipod after I synch. How do I do that? “I’m sorry sir. You can’t.” “What?!!! You’re telling me that there is no way to sort according to most recently added so I can see the newest music that I have on my ipod???!” “No sir. Good idea though. We haven’t come up with it yet.” “O.k. well then take it. It’s yours. Consider it a freebie.” Crazy fucks. Have they never used an ipod themselves? Do they keep a list of the newest music they loaded in on their iPhone or something? Or perhaps scrawled on a piece of paper in their pocket?

[truth be told we did create a solution, a lame one, but this will do till they let you sort your music on the ipod in a variety of ways AND even let you create customized sorting configs as they SHOULD. Here’s the fix: You will have to create ENDLESS playlists in iTunes on your computer called “New Music 1, 2, 3,” etc and then drag your newest music over there. That’s the best they got. But even that sucks because the ipod DOESN’T LET YOU SEE WHAT THE NAME OF THE FREAKING ALBUMS OR ARTISTS ARE IN PLAYLISTS!!! All you see is the name of a song!!! So you just have to scroll and scroll and scroll through these freaking playlists clicking on each song every few seconds to see who it’s by or what album its from… it is truly an abomination in functional engineering, despite its technological advances.

So the iPhone… yes oh yes oh yes. just typing the name of it gets me drooling. Sure I want one. Is it not the coolest thing since a convertible BMW with Techtronic transmission and turbo power? Hell yeah it is. But its fraught with problems in functionality for power users. So they end up with Blackberries or Palm devices still. Wannabe hipsters and newbies to the handheld world are flocking to get their hands on iPhones. And for good reason. They’re cool as shit and have tons of nifty features. Now granted, most of them are just tricked out innovations taken from Palm (see forum dialogues below) but still, there is nothing like your first double-fingered view-expand on an iPhone. A truly chill-producing experience.

So what’s the problem? Why do the majority of longtime handheld power-users still use Palm devices or their beloved Crackberries? Well mainly because they actually do practical things with their handhelds besides talk on the phone, surf the net, or show their friends how cool their phone is. In fact you almost never see people holding the most powerful Palm out there, the TREO, showing it off. Because they’re too freaking BUSY — USING it. They don’t have time to show you photos from their trip to Disney last week or a blurry photo they snapped that day they spotted Al Pacino in the park. Though the Treo holds and records thousands of photos and videos and mp3s too, it just isn’t the main use for the device. [mine also currently holds 16 bi-level dictionaries for 8 different languages, a voice recorder to capture new songs I hear in my head, a world atlas and maps, a metronome, amortization calculators, the internet, Facebook, texting, endless storage using portable and swappable SD cards, a GPS, Microsoft Excel spreadsheets, Word documents, and 168 file folders about just about everything I need access to when on the go.] [Note: iPhone’s feature plenty of these and more. for the record.]

Here’s the glitch: For most power-users of handhelds, they need real-world, business-related, practical tools to surf through their baddass entrepreneurial life. Not a fancy looking gadget. Though blackberries now look as cool as anyone could possibly want. (I wish the Treo looked as cool as Blackberries do now… sigh). But alas there is a reason why the Treo still remains the most expensive Palm-based handheld on the market these days, coming in at a steal for $500. Twice the cost of an iPhone. But worth every penny.

And that’s because one can basically do anything they’ll ever need with the Treo. Of course it looks like the new Pre discussed below is going to shoot it out of the water. But it appears that Sprint has a lock on it for now, which means that those of us with other services are SOL for the time being.

Speaking of SOL, that reminds me of when a good friend went out and bought his new iPhone and got all excited only to learn that he was then stuck with ATT phone service forever and got transferred to Europe for his job and now cannot actually use his iPhone… That’s Apple in a nutshell. Nothing wrong with ANY company dominating a market if they’re awesome and deliver the goods. But deliver the freaking goods already.

A caveat for diehard Apple lovers: this is not a diss on Apple. I used to LOVE Apple. My very first three computers were Apples. And I will be the first to admit that Gates and crew stole Windows from Apple. Windows is just a cheaper less stable version of Job’s and Wozniak’s brilliant software ideas. Gates and company were shrewd and some might even say very intelligent businessmen. Jobs and Wozniak were brilliant visionaries who didn’t see these shysters coming and got a royal screwing out of many of their brilliant ideas. Duly noted. I also freely admit that for music and graphics and design and video and most other professional applications I would never and don’t ever go PC. They also just offer a more stable environment without all the crashes and hiccups that Windows is so famous for. Granted. [Windows WAS getting better until the disaster they currently call “Vista.”]

BUT I will say this and then back to the Handheld issue: I often find myself in the position of being hired to help people choose and purchase new computer systems for their home or office. And besides the triple the cost price point of Apple computers, the machine has two other major drawbacks: one, all the software is proprietary and expensive and by the time aforesaid client has pimped out their computer with everything they’ll need to actually use it, they’re looking at dropping at least 4 G’s. Which is about 3 times the cost of a Windows based machine.

The other major drawback is this little issue: what happens if there is something wrong with your Apple computer? Will a tech come out to your home or office and fix it? Nope. Not a chance. YOU will have to go to them. Can you imagine? In 2009? Taking your computer in to get looked at and waiting for a few hours or days to get it back? I’d rather have hot lava poured down my throat and swallow than lose a whole day of work. Or five as the case might be. Imagine all these poor innocent people trekking their computers to a store to get it fixed and leaving it there and not being able to work… when with a Dell PC for example you can actually just give them a ring and a guy shows up in a van the next day and completely fixes your computer for you no matter what’s wrong with it. That’s what life in the 21st century SHOLD look like. I will trade all the bells and whistles and cool looking interfaces in the world ala Apple for the ability to KEEP WORKING on my computer and not have to drag my ass off to some store because Apple hasn’t managed to master the art of customer support.

A good friend of mine has a “power” problem with her Apple notebook right now. The Apple geeks can’t fix it without her spending hundreds of dollars. And now they are telling her she will need a whole new motherboard or something crazy. So she’s resigned to dealing with it or buying a whole new laptop. So the machine keeps crashing all the time or just shutting down right in the middle of her work and she loses it all… I feel bad for her – what can one even say to console someone in this predicament?… I had a similar issue last year and a Dell technician came out to my apartment and had the entire power section of the motherboard replaced before I was even out of my bathrobe. For free. I offered him a bagel and a cup of Joe to go. The least I could do.

We live in a hard-working multi-tasking gone-mobile world and we need our computers 24/7. Not just when Apple can get around to fixing them. A room full of so-called “Apple Geniuses” is absolutely no use if one cannot get access to them without wasting their whole day. That means COME TO US. Period. Or go back to watching your Star Trek reruns and shut the fuck up about offering good customer service.

Poor little Boo Boo Kitty, another friend of mine, made the switch to an Apple and the first day she was so excited by “how cool” it looked. But in order to actually use the machine, she was at the Apple Store on Fifth avenue in NYC everyday for months… she finally gave up and went back to a turbo-charged Dual Processer Quad-Screen PC that covers half her wall and has been happy ever since. Primarily for two reasons: one, because there was just too much that the Apple couldn’t do that she was already used to. Like run Outlook effectively as a power-user. And two, the “Geniuses” at the Apple Store couldn’t figure out how to help her. So they regretfully but gladly refunded her just so they could get rid of her.

Some of us, in fact most highly effective ambitious ass-kickers, work live and breathe out of a little something called Microsoft Outlook. Not that we think it’s the shit. (Because it’s not. There are plenty of fixes they need to make in Outlook! And often times we the users seem to know more about running the app than the technicians in India you get on the phone…) It’s just that Outlook happens to be the best out there right now. And Apple has so many known glitches with being able to run Outlook properly that it’s only a matter of time before someone either goes postal in some Apple store or they simply switch back if they are accustomed to using Outlook to manage their busy schedules.

I would be lost without my Palm. I’m out of town more than in town and even when in town I would have no clue what the day expected me to do without Outlook running on my Treo. Nor would I be able to have access to an ever growing database of thousands of contacts and respective files associated with those contacts. One day I will retire to a big ranch out west… my heart longs for the day when I will no longer live out of a little metal electric device in my hand all the time…. but that day has not yet arrived. So I live in and out of something called Outlook run on a Palm handheld.

(Apple will try to get you to switch to Entourage to replace Outlook, but google that nightmare app and you’ll see that people hate it so much that it’s a wonder that they still bother to make it.)

Which brings us back to the iPhone and handhelds in general. Google the phrase “Apple iPhone does not sync with Outlook” and you’ll get the picture fast enough. The iPhone is just not quite setup well enough yet to truly sync with Outlook seamlessly. And without being able to sync your handheld with your computer you’re screwed. You CAN JUST use your handheld as your main scheduling and database tool… as many do… but what if you have a major database task that requires a few hours of work? Are you going to do all of that on your iPhone? No. You’re going to do that on your computer and then want to sync your phone to it. And what about scheduling? What if you have ten twenty thirty forty scheduled events, to dos, appointments, repeated events, etc each week? Are you going to do all that scheduling on your little iPhone? Nope. You’re going to want to do it on your computer OR your handheld — and do it interchangeably — and then sync it to your handheld and have it all seamlessly appear there. With NO duplication (that takes a smart program – Palm has it mastered. Apple doesn’t.)

What if you want to take a look at someone’s file you’ve been working on for a week while you’re on the phone with them up on some mountain top? Did you do all that on your handheld? Hell no you didn’t. You did it on your computer. A lot of typing, a lot of copying and pasting, and note-taking while on the phone perhaps etc… and you did all of this on your computer. And THEN you sync it to your handheld device and voila their entire file is right there next to their name on your phone while you’re standing on some beautiful mountain. Go ahead, email it to them wirelessly from that same handheld from 4000 miles away so they can review it and get back to you while you climb another peak. It’s possible. But without Outlook none of that is possible. Not seamlessly at least. Not yet…

And lets not forget the most important issue. BACK THAT SHIT UP. In other words, if you’re doing all your scheduling, event planning, database management, etc on your phone only and you lose it on said mountaintop, then what? You didn’t sync to Outlook on your computer because you own an iPhone. So you lose it all… “oh well” seems to be the answer I hear from most people after they’ve gone bald from puling all their hair out.

Personally I hope it is sooner than later that the iPhone either becomes as functional for business users or Palm gets as kick ass and cool as the iphone. I love the look of the iPhone. Though I can’t tell you how many people abhor that weak excuse of a touchscreen thing they call a qwerty keyboard. That’s going to have to change too. Touchscreen qwerty keyboards just don’t do the trick if you text and type all day on your handheld. Unless you are a dwarf and have really small fingers. I hear dwarfs love typing on the iPhone. They’re the only ones though, so far.

Bottom line, if you sit behind a desk all day and primarily work from a computer, you can probably do just fine with an iPhone when you’re occasionally out on the town. It looks cool. It’s a fine phone, plays mp3s like an iPod, even offers you maps, the internet, email, texting, photos, and video. But if you’re running all over the world and need to be reminded what your next appointment is and don’t want a giant laptop hanging on your back, then Palm or Crackberry is still the way to go. For better or worse. Functionality my friends is still the key. One day Apple will get that.

Perhaps all of this is for naught and the iPhone will one day come together and be the baddass kick-butt device that newbies, techies, business people, and power-users all collectively dream of… I hope so.

Or perhaps the new Palm Pre will take a bite out of the iPhone so they aren’t so nauseatingly ubiquitous. See some forum posts below from YouTube regarding the iPhone versus the Palm Pre. Interesting stuff….

otterboxiphone (10 hours ago) Show Hide

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Hmm, I love my iphone and itouch but they are not simple to use. It’s good for tons of stuffs except for business-related activities (calendar, to do,…). Palm is better from this standpoint, I have to admit.

TOTALLY agree! iPhone is cool. that’s for sure. But for business apps –real life stuff — PALM is still the way to go. Too bad because i would love to have all the practical application of PALM with the cool features of iPhone in ONE PHONE!!!! Why can’t ONE company comprehend this?

wyguy1209 (15 hours ago) Show Hide

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i have an iphone and i LOVE it. but im happy for plam. FINALLY i phone to keep up!!! or even beat the iphone. the reason im happy because now apple will have to create the next iphone to be better than the pre. so…the next iphone will be a great upgrade and then palm will create something better. Consumers win!

p3t3b2 (16 hours ago) Show Hide

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Look at it this way, if Apples patent is certified Palm can simply change the name pinch/zoom to squeeze, Although I am not sure what Palm calls theirs. That is how narrow Apples claim is, that is one example. Basically Apple was not given a patent on multi-touch, they were give a very narrow patent on a certain swipe not swiping and zooming in general.

zsmorr92 (17 hours ago) Show Hide

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I did see that, Palm could literally do tiny little tweaks to the Pre and avoid most of Apple’s arguments. Apple however cannot escape palm’s. I’m gunna buy some palm stock in hopes that Palm does win this.

p3t3b2 (17 hours ago) Show Hide

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Go over to engadgetDOTCOM and read their in-depth analysis, Apple has been overstating what their patent(s) actually cover. Upon further review of the engadget article it is clear that Apples multi-touch claim is very narrow and that Apple infringed on many of Palms patents with the iphone. IF Apple decides (no indication yet only speculation) to press forward with a lawsuit they have much more to lose.

zsmorr92 (18 hours ago) Show Hide

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Its not over yet my friend, iphone infringes on many of palm’s patents as well, this will be a war of epic proportions lol. Only one problem being that palm is so close to extinction that apple MIGHT be able to drive them to the grave… I wish palm luck, I too will be buying this phone.

igor86SRB (21 hours ago) Show Hide

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omg i must buy this phone ! xD

Wankerlito (1 day ago) Show Hide

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it’s official folks the patent has been awarded as of January 26 2009 and wow I’m really amaze how palm dared to copy most of the features the iphone has. Hahahaha. So what will happen now?

TheTranscendenceDiaries

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