Speaking with Providence about how great our lives are… in comparison to so many others’. and yet the human mind always longs for more. still often times longs for more, over-analyzes and criticizes. Even when in the bigger picture, things are so damn good already.

Recognizing how far out I was willing to travel for forcing IT, rather than letting IT, we can know IT by the degree of how much of our ‘real selves’ are we being…. when we are in flow and truly being ourselves, it is close or closer to “IT.” When we are not feeling ourselves, then we can safely assume that it is not “IT.”

Feel a certain sense of fright, as a lot of people do, about the current stream of events in America in relation to the rest of the world. I feel underneath it all a fear that we are about to be attacked again… cannot put my finger on it, but there is something there, that any day we are going to be attacked here at home.

I am seriously in shock and deeply saddened by the fact the people who are in control in our government are so unenlightened that they chose the path they chose over the last two years. they have deliberately created more violence, more danger, more anger, more desperation and resentment in the hearts of those who are currently playing the role of “our enemy” rather than doing the right thing and really getting down to why we were attacked in the first place.

Of course this gives them the benefit of the doubt… that they did not in fact set the whole thing up as a ‘new pearl harbor’ as a way to instigate a reason/justification to attack Iraq etc… at this point is difficult to ascertain what really happened. But if we are to assume that we were really attacked by terrorist forces who ‘hate us’ as the government has lead the world to believe, that in fact it was not an inside job as the evidence is leading many to believe now, then the right thing would be for us to look inward and really try to determine why someone would feel a need to attack us and then do our best to make amends with these people, with the world at large, and attempt to show through our own example what a good true honest just moral fair minded society of enlightened individuals could be like…. we could really help bring peace to the world.

isn’t it fascinating that the war-mongers among us always use peace as an excuse to wage war? and isn’t it fascinating that they claim to wage war to get peace? And isn’t even more fascinating how the majority of the masses of sheep-le out there, in any society, actually fall for these atrocious and barbaric fallacies so easily? They never seem to notice or acknowledge that violence is in fact violence, and peace is in fact peace. And that they are two totally different worlds. we will never bring peace to the world through murder destruction or violence. And yet it is difficult to convince those who are less perceptive than we are of this simple understanding. The truth is that this attack by the US government on the country of Iraq could very well blow up in our faces and turn into something much more devastating to all of us than we could ever imagine. It could lead us to a world war, a never ending domino effect of retaliation, a back and forth of killing and being killed. Why do they not see it, and if they do, why do they not care?

We are being led astray by a very small group of treacherous murderers who are jeopardizing all of our welfare. I am truly fascinated by the red-state mentality that does not seem to recognize this.

Breakfast with Tuesday. At a little French café uptown. A soft boiled egg. Paris ham and gruyere tartine with dark mustard. A larger than life cappuccino. Praline nut butter. She asks me as only she can, to identify what exactly I saw or was attracted to in women, and what I do not like. Where is the attraction and where is the discomfort? Could it be that simple? Important to acknowledge these things so we do not repeat the same experiences more than once, and also so we can truly create what we want in our life. we then apply the same principles to her life. and we get great learning and growing from this.

I love the ‘brilliant’ aspect in women. I label it important, in fact very necessary. I love the dreamer aspect, but I do not like the air-head aspect. I love the visionary quality. I love the motivated/ambitious/in her own world, doing her own thing independently quality in girls. Important. I more than prefer but actually need, congruity and honesty in speech and action. Not willing to settle for less than that. I love the intellectual battle of wits. But we recognize that there is a subtle difference between combative/righteous debate that weakens the spirit and a loving challenging debate between two brilliant minds that strengthens the spirit. There is a difference. And I prefer the latter. We agree that we both prefer the latter.

But if we never take the time to check it out and to really analyze what it is that attracts us to people, then we will never see what it is that we are attracting and why. we will be settling for many things that we do not prefer and not know why, just because we are receiving a few other things that we do like. This was huge for me. and for her as well. when you begin to acknowledge this, you can see that there is no blame. That in the larger picture it is an umbilical-corded subliminal game we are playing with other beings… and in the end, there can be no blame. We are choosing the game out of these attractions and repulsions/resistances with others and it is just as much “us” as it is “them.” no blame. Only appreciation.

From this viewpoint one can see the world of romance and love from a birds-eye view, shift easily in and out of affairs or the heart until a true fit occurs that builds, strengthens, inspires, and rejuvenates and grows us.

Last screening: Howard Zinn biography. Awesome man. truly inspirational.