Killer ear ache the last few days. this is my second one in six months. I know what its from. its because I don’t have a housekeeper now and I take baths. I have always taken baths. My new image consultant or image coach more like it, what did we call him again? JB? Yeah, JB I think. he’s always trying to get me to discover more of my quirks because he says it makes great press. Of course you need great press if you are a somebody, but I’ve made a career of being a not-somebody so I have no idea why we are worrying about great press. But in any case, JB tells me, there’s another quirk for you. I have always taken baths. There was a brief time in high school when I thought it was cool and grownup to take showers so I did it for a while because it was all about discovering the inner-man within and bagging the babes, but by college I was back in the tub every morning.

So did that freak any of my girlfriends out through the years? yeah I think it did. a grown man jumping out of bed to go sit in the bathtub for an hour every morning. but now everyone is used to it because well I’m an adult now and I think everyone has just pretty much assumed ‘yeah, well Fishy takes baths. He just does. He’s always done that.’ when at home for the holidays mom always wakes me up early so I don’t make everyone late because of the bath factor. Classic.

[I just heard a girl on the street say what the fuck. I hate when girls curse. I know. totally sexist. But I can’t help it. I’m old fashioned. if I hear a girl curse I just totally lose my interest in them. if a girl says fuck because she’s really mad that’s one thing, as long as its cute.. you know. like “honey you just said fuck.” And then she apologizes. But if you’re at dinner with a girl and she says fuck matter of factly… Forget about it. I’m looking at her wondering how I ever managed to be at a dinner table with her. I’m not saying I wouldn’t sleep with them. but I just wouldn’t go out with them. you know, girls should offer you that girl thing. and saying fuck is not just not that girl thing. speaking of girls, today some girl comes into my office and slaps all these naked photos of her in all these erotic poses on my desk and walks away. I’ll tell you, ever since I decided to stop being player and hold out for number one the girls are just coming out of the woodwork. Its nuts. I think girls can feel when you’re not playing anymore. They try to get through that maybe because they see as a challenge. Or maybe just because you aren’t putting out that I’m a player vibe anymore. Who knows. but this is crazy. now when I finally decide to get serious and look for Mrs. Number one… now they’re just everywhere. and the naked pix didn’t even turn me on. which could mean that I’m gay I guess. Holy shit that reminds me last night I walked to this local newsstand on second avenue to get a smoke and there was this GAY XXX magazine on the counter so I opened it up and looked inside. And holy shit. it was filled with naked men with huge erect rods doing each other. I mean they were like really doing each other in the poop shoots. I had never seen that before. I mean, we hear about it, but to see it like that in full color. Wow. that was some crazy stuff. so that’s what they do for real then huh. Crazy. hey, whatever floats your boat.]

so where were we. O.k. so no housekeeper and the apartment is really gross. I mean we are back to the college days at this point. Seriously disgusting at this point. But that’s because I’m working around the clock and frankly even if I weren’t who wants to clean their own house? so I just let it go because well its fun and I’m lazy and probably too much of a snob at this point for my own good. but the bath tub is so gross! I’m talking gross and I still take these baths everyday in it like that character from the old MTV show the young ones. And I don’t really mind because I’m really enjoying the old dirty college days vibe. I don’t know why exactly but I’m actually enjoying it. I think I secretly look at it like my last blast. I mean, lets face it, once you settle down with a girl you can’t just let the house go and live like a pig so I’m just really getting a lot out of it and making the most of it. there is garbage everywhere and when I walk I just kick it around the room. Now bear in mind that I’m pretty high right now from all this pain medication from this effing ear ache so don’t count on me to admit this tomorrow.


but yeah I think the dirty tub water is giving me these crazy ear infections. From dunking my head under the water. But that’s not the point. Frankly, I’m quite saddened by the whole thing because the doctor told me I had to take showers for a while or I could end up in the hospital. He said that if I didn’t get in his office today I would have ended up in the hospital by Sunday because he had never seen an infection so bad. He asked how I was dealing with the pain. I told him I was popping like twenty Advil a day at this point and I finally only came in because I lost my hearing in that ear and it sucked because I couldn’t talk on the phone in my left ear and type anymore.