More hours spent viewing and time-logging footage for the show. Endless and overwhelming task but getting through it. a few hours spent talking to Lil Sis and boo boo. About how hard it is to feel centered and grounded in New York. so hard to feel comfort and secure and nurtured here. because the energy is so high all time. hard to get together with friends. Everyone so caught up in their quest to make their dream a reality. Everyone always working so hard and striving so hard you can live five blocks from someone and not see them for a month. Surrounded by people and still be very much alone most of the time. I had always heard this about New York but never knew it really till I moved here. but yes it is true. a week flies by so fast it feels like a day or two because you are working so hard and such long hours.

Fishy says:
holy cow! laurence and i are speaking about you right now!!! how weird
Rosie  says:
!!!
Rosie  says:
hey
Fishy says:
i jsut asked him where the heck is ro?
Fishy says:
standby i will copy and paste some good news for you so i dont have to retype
Fishy says:
your brother is in the middle of preaching jesus to me right now. as always.  standby…
Fishy says:
Fishy says:
i finally found a home-church here in manhattan after a nine month search.
Laurence-  says:
wow, and what does that exactly mean?
Rosie says:
great!!!!! im so pleased for u! so hows the serach going….like spiritually?
 Fishy says:
its ok. i feel a strong god presence all the time now. he led me to go into this church one day when i was walking by and i was filled with the most spiritually fulfilling feeling of euphoria i had ever felt before
Rosie  says:
so you are feeling closer to the truth!!   that’s great!
Fishy says:
Well perhaps. or just blind hypnosis… religion is hypnosis… haha… but perhaps its ok 
Fishy says:
of euphoria i had ever felt before. a sens of peace and joy and love and comfort and feeling that he is there for us and with us all the time. so i got the message and went back to the church that sunday
Rosie  says:
what ahhpend next
Rosie  says:
happend
Fishy says:
good stuff.
Rosie  says:
elaborate
Fishy says:
i went back to the church and felt immediately at home after going to different churches ever sunday for about nine months i knew i was home. couldnt explain it. felt like home. felt like old times. god spoke to me sort of like that and all of a sudden i felt this surge of him being very close to me and very close to this church.
Fishy says:
as if its a special place….
Rosie  says:
cool
Rosie  says:
what kind of church was it?
Fishy says:
christ church, united methodist
Rosie  says:
ok…so do you think that the God they worship is true?
Rosie  says:
based on the experience you had?
Fishy says:
the god? yes i guess. i know that i feel god, gods love, presence in our lives…
Fishy says:
i feel that we are all feeling someting akin to godness who are at that church…
Rosie  says:
that is wonderful
Rosie  says:
so…do you believe in the concept of salvation?
Fishy says:
i grew up in the church and went to christian schools so the community aspect is very importnat to me
Fishy says:
the spiritual community aspect of being with like minded people who walk the walk is importnat to me
Fishy says:
im jsut not sure about the details of the dogma…
Fishy says:
i do not beleive that humanity needs salvation from outside of itself…
Fishy says:
i beleive we can supply our own salvation.
Fishy says:
i know this to be true becasue it was me who supplied my own salvation in ’95 and onward… through discvoering the avatar tools and other tools that we can use to free ourselves of guilt and pain and regret and resentment and all that… it didnt come from outside of me. it came from me forgiving myself…. and then voila! i was happy and refreshed and filled with joy again
Fishy says:
i am sure god has something to do with it. i am sure of it. i pray to him eveyday and always have.
Rosie  says:
you know what Jesus taught about salvation right?
Fishy says:
tell me in your words
Rosie  says:
we cannot save our selves.  god requires complete purity/holiness from us and we cannot achieve that our selves.  jesus died for us so that we cam be completely forgiven and saved from our own sin
Rosie  says:
we just need to trust in him, surrender our sins to him (aknowledging we cannot save our selves and need him and his sacrifice).
Fishy says:
i did this many times when i was a teenager and became so to speak born again. but im jsut not there anymore in my heart or mind. but i am sure god understands… to be perfectly honest, i beleive that god if we dare utter the word cares alot more about who we are and how we are and how we act than he does about what we say we beleive or not.
Fishy says:
walk the walk. talking the talk is pretty insignificant. this is my beleif.
Rosie  says:
i get what you mean
Rosie  says:
but it says in the bible that
Rosie  says:
it is through Faith we are saved
Rosie  says:
not by works
Rosie  says:
lest any man should boast
Rosie  says:
(Romans)
Fishy says:
when god speaks to me i listen. when he asks me to do something i do it. i listen.
Fishy says:
remember, that im not such a holy book beleiver.
Fishy says:
its nothing against the christian bible or the koran or any of them. i really dont beleive in any of them… not the bagavad gita or the upanishads or the koran or or the torah or any of them… i do not beleive that man can know god well enough to write his words or ideas down.
Fishy says:
this is my own personal beleif. god is in our hearts perhaps and can come through in our actions and how we appear to the world but not through written words that try to represent what god is thinking or saying.
Rosie  says:
but if god is Jesus, then much of the new testement is just a history account about an encounter with god on earth
Fishy says:
fascinating ideas in the above sentence rosie…
Fishy says:
and one can go on forever pondering these ideas… unfortunaly we will never know. humankind will prob never know…
Fishy says:
for 2000 years we have pondered those ideas and millions of people have been killed because of them. everyone fighting over things like this.
Fishy says:
its best for us to move beyond all that and to jsut live by a human code of love and peace and morality and ethics and respect…
Rosie  says:
that’s well and good in principle
Rosie  says:
but try it
Rosie  says:
it’s impossible
Rosie  says:
if we really could live by a human code of love and peace and morality and ethics and respect…
Fishy says:
i find it easy. especially if i pray everyday.
Rosie  says:
we would not need god to save us
Fishy says:
i pray to god to help me be true to my heart of hearts. i think holy books — no matter which religion they are from — only confuse humans.
Fishy says:
osama bin laden and george w bush are two great examples of religious people confused by holy books….
Rosie  says:
yeah…but if the Bible is true…it changes everything
Rosie  says:
if it is just a false religious book then of course you are right
Rosie  says:
but if it is tru
Rosie  says:
e
Fishy says:
well every religion could say that. and they do. so who are we humans supposed to beleive?
Rosie  says:
then it changes our definition of truth
Rosie  says:
exactly
Rosie  says:
only God can show us
Fishy says:
that isnt even fair to think about…. really. its exclusionary to humanity.
Rosie  says:
and he will
Fishy says:
well i hope he does eventually show us because im sick of reading the history of humankind killing each other over these very silly arguments…
Fishy says:
its nice that we created a god concept. its an awesome idea. now lets live up to it. lets make god proud.
Rosie  says:
of course
Rosie  says:
interesting
Fishy says:
yes….
Rosie  says:
but what if the only way we can make him proud is to surrender to him and let him cleanse and save us
Fishy says:
thought youd like that chickie
Fishy says:
i know….
Fishy says:
jsut gonna have to wait till god comes down and tells us what the hell is going on!
Fishy says:
cause none of us know…
Fishy says:
until then we still have music and movies and dancing and lovemaking and romance and all that….
Rosie  says:
well he came once and the next time it comes it will be too late
Fishy says:
I don’t agree
Rosie  says:
then it says Every Knee Shall Bow, Every Tounge Confess that Jesus Chrict is Lord
Fishy says:
do you think maybe that i am the second coming?
Fishy says:
i look like jesus….
Fishy says:
do you remember when i was sporting that beard?
Fishy says:
hahahaha!!!
Rosie  says:
well…i think you can answer that for your self my dear Fishy!!
Rosie  says:
but you are cool!!!
Fishy says:
hahahah
Fishy says:
that would be funny if i were the messiah and didnt know it…
Fishy says:
at least you could get into clubs for free…
Rosie  says:
well the messiah will and does no it
Rosie  says:
well u can do that anyway already because you are such a rock star
Fishy says:
lol
Rosie  says:
gotta go
Rosie  says:
have an exam tommorow
Rosie  says:
have not revised
Fishy says:
kick butt!
Rosie  says:
thanks
Rosie  says:
xxxxxxxx

I am glad to speak to my friends and family about these things. I am glad that I have friends and family who are still so religious. It’s a good discourse where we all can learn a little. Not into the ritual of religion so much myself. Believing now that God is actually more of an extension of us… or we an extension of him. that one day we will realize the secret that has been there all along for us to discover. That that which we seek is actually just a larger extension of ourselves. So even the rituals to me seem insignificant and meaningless in the bigger picture. It is our actions that are what’s important. the rituals change and shift according to what time in our history it is and what country we are living in. But our actions are timeless. They are beyond national boundaries.

In the “white house sucks ass department” from our friends at CNN:
WASHINGTON (Reuters) — A White House official, who previously worked for the American Petroleum Institute, has repeatedly edited government climate reports in a way that downplays links between greenhouse gas emissions and global warming, The New York Times reported Wednesday.
Philip Cooney, chief of staff for the White House Council on Environmental Quality, made changes to descriptions of climate research that had already been approved by government scientists and their supervisors, the newspaper said, citing internal documents.
The White House declined comment on the report.
Well of course they did.

Current spin: husseine alizadeh, the art of improvisation. Persian classical music played on the dumbek and the taar. Beautiful. really effing beautiful.