[Chiara sang last night. I remember seeing her in 2000 a few times at various clubs performing. She was so young and sweet and pure. She always wore these little sun dresses and she just sang so wonderfully. She then moved to LA to ‘try to make it.’ last night when I saw her I didn’t even recognize her until someone told me who she was. She was all dolled up. wearing a suit type of outfit. Smoking cigarettes. Lots of make up and acting very cynical. It wasn’t like the show sucked. It just lacked that innocent charm she once had. later that night. I was very laid back on this couch because this guy who was sitting next to me had this water bong with the craziest tobacco in it. some kind of herbs. So we were all hitting this thing and feeling really groovy. Chiara came up to me and we talked for a while. I was so loose, I just started talking without holding back. just laying there on the couch. She asked me what I thought of the show. I told her that it was good. but that somewhere down the line it appeared as if she was losing a part of herself. ‘Chiara, remember when you used to be all sweet and joyful all the time? well that used to come through on stage. And it was part of your show. It was the “thing.” you know.“ “are you saying I don’t have the “thing” anymore?” “No, no. no. you definitely have ‘it.’ o.k. what I’m saying is this. Just remember why you make music.” I smiled. “I know you’re out in LA now. But you’re not making music to get signed to a major record label. Or to be on MTV. Or to be famous.” “How do you know why I make music?” “O.k. fine, maybe you are that way but I doubt it. Just hear me out…” “fine. You weirdo.” “I’ll take that as a compliment.” “You shouldn’t.” “I will anyway. Just listen. What I’m saying is that you aren’t a singer because you want to be famous or because you want to make a lot of money or because you want to be a star and sell thigh masters in twenty years…right? You make music because its inside of you and it makes you feel good when you do it. You know? Some people are like that. And that’s you. and if you’re going to focus on that other stuff, which is important no doubt, because we need to make a living. Fucking Christ I know that more than anyone. But just don’t forget who you are and why you’re doing this. The joy is in your music. not the chase for the gold. You know? let that joy out and don’t be afraid of it.” she started crying. We’re in this club and she starts crying. And I am baked on this strange herbal tobacco mixture and 2 white Russians. “I know what you mean. Why are you…. why are you…. so…. so…” she sobs a bit “so what?” I ask. “so …. like this? How do you know this? I don’t even know you…” “We’ve met before.” I say. “Fine. We’ve met before.” she mocks me. “But Its not like we’re friends or anything. Why did you tell me this?” “Are you mad at me? I’m sorry. I’m a little drunk. I’m kind of just floating…. Going on instinct. Perhaps I should have just tried to have sex with you instead and not spoken from my heart. Would you have preferred that?” she just looked up at me between tears like don’t be a jerk… “I smoked from this water pipe…i don’t know who’s it is… here take a hit of this. its really nice…” I handed her the water pipe and she took a few hits. She stopped crying. “God…. I so know what you mean. Its so hard…. to remember…. was I that bad up there?” “No. not at all. You weren’t bad at all. You were great. I would definitely do you. I’m just saying, don’t let the chase drag you down. Remember the joy of the music in you.” “God fishy. Thank you. You are so sweet.” “Well you’re welcome.” “Everyone says you’re so sweet, and its true, you really are.” “Everyone says I’m sweet? I thought everyone said I was an asshole.” “No I think that’s just you who says that. In those insane diaries of yours. Why do you post all that anyway?” “I’m not sure. I think perhaps I’m insane as you say and none of us know it.” “No. I would disagree with you there. I think everyone definitely knows it. you are definitely insane.” she laughed. I laughed. We were laughing. And smoking. From some water pipe that belonged to someone we didn’t even know; on a couch in the dark in some dingy club in the wee small hours of the morning.]
Rehearsed with cooper tonight for about five hours and all we did was learn new songs. Seriously thinking of starting to record a new new new album. crazy I know. sleep with you just came out in December and our new new album, nothing is cohesive, is being mixed now. but what the hell. Strike while the iron is hot as they say. I am on such a roll. Just writing non-stop everyday. New songs: we are columbine, last stand at the walls of Zion, messed it up again, turn a blind eye, something bigger, somebody save me, nobody’s listening to you. just constantly writing. I told cooper, ‘look man, I don’t care if I have to sell my house and live on the street. The idea is just to keep getting the work done man. That’s what its all about now for me. just getting it out there. I don’t know how other bands do it, just putting out one album every year or two. I just couldn’t do that. we just have to keep recording and not stop. Because one day this is going to dry up. I know it. I have seen it in all the greats. They all dry up, but right now I am on this roll so we just have to keep recording. Major label to back us or not, just do whatever it takes to keep getting the music out. I am very lucky to be where I am today. very lucky to be in this zone where I can’t stop writing. it won’t last forever.
Current Spin: tried to get through Nelly furtado’s new one. just could not get into it at all. so polished and glossy sounding. Not my thing. but I still believe in her.