There’s so much now, to pay attention to, attempt to discover, research and explore, debate and discuss. So many “hot” topics du jour. So much to chew on. Most of it utterly meaningless in the grander scheme of course. Especially when you add in the variable of time. Unless you habitually skip all the mainstream BS and jump right into the real meat, particle physics, ancient history, civilization theory, cosmology, ontology…all come to mind.
And yet… even then, with such tantalizing subjects to sink one’s teeth into with a few like minded individuals, when faced with the agonizing reality of the human condition, or bigger picture, all life, still just as much a random roll of the dice as it was tens of thousands of years ago, even conversations of that ilk seem unimportant.
Just got off the phone with one of my oldest friends. 30+ years we’ve been there for each other to laugh love party rave about the music we love and rage against the politics we hate. His cancer, though in and out of remission for years, has ravaged his body beyond the level of him being able to live a comfortable life anymore.
When he first told me a few days ago about the decision, I could not for the life of me feel the grief i knew should be there as he relayed his plans to me; could not bring it down into FEEL. I was too caught up in my head, in THINK, trying to find solutions. My mind racing around scrolling through decades of collected data searching for what would save the day and save my friend’a life.
As we’ve continued to talk everyday it’s become more and more real. My friend is going to leave his body behind soon. Very soon. Last night we really had to have the heart to heart. He needs and wants me to get to acceptance with him about his fate, for my own sanity and peace of mind, as much he needs me to be there for him whenever he wants to talk or vent or cry or rage at the cruel gods and soulless cycles that govern we the lowly and vulnerable.
When something wonderful happens to a human being who claims to believe in one god or another, they exclaim “thank god! God is good!” When something unimaginably tragic happens to that same human, they dishearteningly sigh “I guess it’s god’s plan”. They can’t square the 50/50 success rate of their preferred god. Because there’s no squaring it.
This problem with humanity’s various gods has been tossed around in theological and philosophy circles for thousands of years. The problem, or the philosophical exploration of it, is called Theodicy. If there’s a god he’s either all powerful and cruel as hell, or he’s all loving and just not very powerful. I lean toward the latter if we’re going to assume the existence of one purely for the sake of exploring this, one of the many Problems we debate in the field of Philosophy.
Last night as we talked and made plans for me to come up to his place to say a final goodbye, no easy feat for me still because I cannot walk for more than 5 minutes at a time and an hour and half car ride will be excruciating on my back, the reality finally, suddenly, profoundly hit me.
Last week as he was relaying this new information to me, it was through deep, low growling sobs and moans and cries out to a God or fate or the universe in the most raw vulnerable and painful manner I’ve ever heard or witnessed.
“Ed i don’t want to die! Bro why? Why bro?!?” he screamed between deep gurgly sobs and gags. “It’s so cruel bro! My wife! My mom! My daughter !” This was a human being begging for his life, wailing like a baby begging anybody or anything in the universe to let him live. Deep guttural sobbing, choking, wailing. Humanity at its purest core. To the f*^king bone.
I just kept listening. Appreciating. Flowing love. Kept saying “I know brother. I’m so sorry man. I know… I’m so sorry brother…”
Last night the tables were turned. He called to let me know it’s going to be sooner than later. And that I needed to find a way to get to acceptance and stop trying to solve it, and stop fighting it. “I’m worried about you man,” he said. “I’m going to die Ed.”
And then it hit me. This was real. This is happening. All the gods and prayer and avatar and meditation and affirmations and money in the world was not going to stop this reality. I burst into a primitive childlike sobbing that I’ve never experienced before.
I sounded like an animal. “Dude I don’t want you to go man!” I let out through garbled choking uncontrollable sobbing and tears… “I don’t want you to die bro! Please don’t go man! Please..! Please don’t leave man!” An unbearable and painful grief. Rage. Biblical level wailing.
Couldn’t catch my breath. Kept choking on my own throat and spit and sobbing. Huge inhales to prepare for the next wave.
This time he listened to me, appreciated me, flowed love to me and my pain. “I know bro. I know. But I’m never going to leave you Ed. I’m leaving this body. But I’m never gonna leave you bro. I would never do that to you Ed. I’ll always be here for you.” We both just sobbed, caught our breath, sobbed more.
What a man he is. What a man he was in that moment. To be that selfless. To be there for ME. Like that. When he’s the one suffering so much and dying. I’ve never respected anyone as much as I respect this beautiful man that I’ve called friend for the last 30 years.
How blessed we are to know friendship. To love and be loved. And as randomly tragic and tragically random as it is, to have and to know life. For even as brief and fleeting as it is, how blessed we are to have lived.
Fracking Means We’re Fucked
It’s well past midnight. But I can’t sleep. I heard about Josh Fox’s documentary on hydrolic fracturing, better known as fracking, from Bill Maher. (Say what one will about the ever vigilant pornography loving, womanizing, pot smoking, religious hating, ultra-liberal, potty-mouthed late night talk show host, but the man is smart, funny and one of only a handful of people in the American entertainment industry intelligent enough to not be willing to sell out and at the same time stay committed to somehow making valuable issues topical in our modern highly degraded and degenerate society. Leno, Fallon, Kimmel, and the rest of them, even Letterman unfortunately, only add to the collective garbage that spews forth into America’s polluted mass consciousness with their focus on meaningless celebrity, pranks, and the usual irrelevant non-news bites of the day.
I’ve been watching the documentary entitled GASLAND based on Maher’s recommendation for the last hour and half. It is late and I am tired.
[Editor’s Note: Over the last few weeks I have started to get a substantial intuitive feeling that it is no longer enough to simply post and share on the social networks such as Facebook and Twitter that we all know and love and depend on for the latest and greatest. It came first as an intuitive hit, sometimes I call them voices, or visions; no words or even thoughts that can be translated into words except very basic generalities… something to the effect of “I wonder if posting to social media rather than the more traditional blog is actually hurting the cause more than helping…. then more as thought-clouds… frequent thought bubbles would appear in my brain about the subject. How many people actually see a post? What if it’s an important post? Something that everyone should be aware of? How many other posts and status updates is that one post competing with? And worst of all, hashtags and all, it’s still damn hard to FIND information on social media without a lot of work, and impossible to bookmark or save it. So sure putting something up on Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr gets it out there “fast” and it sure is easy for us… but how many people does it actually reach? Even when you have a fanbase in the tens of thousands or millions…? Furthermore, once a post is a few days old, it tends to hit the proverbial bottom of the barrel, seems no longer relevant; hell, it’s no longer even visible to most people except for the real hardcore deep diggers and bottom dwellers. But how many of us are like that these days in this age of too much information..? No, posting to social media may have temporarily seemed like the quick fix we all wanted so we wouldn’t have to keep posting to our blogs and all the upkeep cost and maintenance necessary to keep them, but it just isn’t going to work in the long run for hardcore lifetime information providers or artists and content creators. So we’re back to blogging now, pretty much everything minus only the most mundane items, with auto-feeds going into Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr to alert non-subscribers. Hell, this should be a blog post on its own. But fuck it, if you’re reading this, now you know. Heed it. It’s only get worse. If your message is important, get it back into a blog format. Don’t just rely on social media. It’s just too damned overloaded.] End of Editor’s Note
In 2005 Bush/Cheney passed their Energy Act, a law that allows all oil and natural gas companies (using Haliburton technology, Cheney the former CEO) drilling for oil and natural gas in the US to be exempt from all the previous 1970’s laws that protected our air, water, environment and even our drinking water. This was illegal for thirty years prior to their passing of this ludicrous and criminal law. It made anyone drilling for oil or natural gas in America to NOT have to be bound by or abide by the Clean Drinking Water Act, the Natural Water act and the Clean Air act. In other words, they can do whatever they want to the air or water in the US when fracking or drilling and not be regulated, or fined or even scientifically researched. “WTF???” you might ask. Yeah, me too. When I first heard it I thought maybe I was having a flashback and kept rubbing my eyes… surely I misheard that. So I rewound and watched and listened again. Nope. Got it right the first time. feeling irritated. But it only gets worse.
There are 596 chemicals — the majority of which are poison to the air, water and the environment — that are used in #fracking fluid that is pumped underground in over 450,000 wells in 30 states across the United States currently. This is happening NOW. #Mindblowing. Colorado, Texas, Kansas, Wyoming, Pensyvania, Louisiana, on and on. And it’s only getting worse. This documentary was made in 2010 for God’s sake. God only knows how much worse it’s gotten since this was made. One of the most devastating aspects of the whole situation is that one of Dick Cheney’s many milestone achievements while he was in the White House, along with covert spying, torture, and mass killings in the Middle East, was convincing the powers that be to allow oil and natural gas drilling on PUBLIC LANDS. All those millions of acres that Teddy Roosevelt preserved in the United States to save generations to come — land that belongs to every legal U.S. citizen — are now now being destroyed from fracking.
I don’t want to go into a lot of the details here. That’s one of the benefits of his new age. There’s no need. Suffice it to say: GO FIND A WAY TO WATCH FILM CALLED GASLAND. Do it today. Make your whole family watch it. That spouse of yours, the one who’s all “I’m not into that kind of stuff” — male or female, make them watch it anyway. Force them if you have to. It’s that important.
The truth is that this isn’t even a debatable issue anymore. It’s not something that needs more research or exploration. It’s more like already a freaking disaster that’s already happened. Even in large cities like Dallas / Ft. Worth — one of the worst places hit by it, some parts now deserted, people all sick and dying. It’s beyond discussing or debating. It’s already a public health and environmental disaster. I’m more than irritated. I’m sad but more than sad. I’m angry but more than angry. Can’t really describe what I’m feeling yet. Overwhelmed maybe. Over it. Like “it’s time to seriously consider where we are going to move now and start planning on when” over it. America is fucked if this continues.
You’ll have to see the film for yourself and then start studying it. Study the numbers up above. Consider that all this natural shale that is underneath half the United States that they are drilling into or want to is surrounded by lakes and rivers and streams. We are talking about doing something here that cannot be undone. A catastrophe so mammoth that we may destroy half or more of one of the most beautiful countries on planet earth. And ruin it’s natural water supply. Basically the best way to look at it is this: for those who live in any of these states where fracking is already taking place, they’re screwed. They’ll get sick and the survivors will soon realize that they have to move. Big cities will get bigger. Smaller cities will turn into big cities. And that’s really just the beginning. There is no governmental oversight on any of this because of Cheney making it all exempt from any kind of oversight, so as one of the higher-ups at the EPA said “We need to be investigating this and we know it. But we need to be directed to investigate it first. And so far we have not been directed to investigate it. No matter how many nightmare stories we hear of people getting sick or being able to light their tap water on fire etc… We are presently being told that it is out of our jurisdiction.”
Funny. So if protecting clean air, drinking water, and the environment that is being poisoned all over the United States is out of the jurisdiction of the EPA, then who’s jurisdiction is it in exactly? Right? Well that’s the catch. No one’s. Like I said, we’re fucked. Belize anyone? Italy? See ya there soon. Ciao.