Extreme Fetish party. Picked up a few others on the way there. Girl says to me from the backseat, “you don’t smoke pot, do you?” I think to myself, eyebrows raised, as I give her a glance in the rearview, “hhhmmm, when did I turn into someone who looks like they ‘don’t smoke pot do you?” The irony. I spend ten years unequivocally looking like someone who “definitely smokes pot don’t you?” and now… life is funny. Our constant transformation…

And so off we drove, by now a little past 1:03 in the morning, four strangers in a car, because none of us know each other—I was picking people up randomly who looked like they were going to the fetish party and giving them lifts. So four strangers flying down the highway. Introducing themselves, sharing where they were born, where they grew up, how they ended up in Miami, and even more telling, how they ended up in my car on their way to am extreme fetish party at one-thirty in the morning. 

We get there. By now we’re all best friends of course, having known each other for a good half hour at least. Walk in. Sex everywhere. Massive perversion. Deviance like nothing you’ve ever seen before. A human circus. Man plays the animal. Hungry desperate faces roaming aimlessly with the ‘can I play?’ look in their eye. Really just a massive orgy amongst not very good looking people. But adventurous nonetheless. A feast for the eyes and body if you dare partake. But over all, not much like the normal festivities, which are usually filled with fun frolicking fashion freaks and thrill seekers. This was just an excuse for total perverts and deviants to get in a room and freak out together, suck each other’s big toes, hang Baskets of eggs from their nut sacks, and walk around in diapers. Too many men. Too many older people. And too many uglies. A big thumbs down. 

Free love, just pure unadulterated free sex and passion, lust, and love amongst consenting adults is one thing. That whole Roman Greek Hollywood orgy thing is fascinating to me. But fetish isn’t it. Fetish is a whole different thing. The fashion is cool. But its not what I’m looking for. That whole Playboy Mansion thing though is another story. Hugh Heffner in the hot tub with ten girls. [reminds me of this one time in school—I went to a “Christian” high school-and they would always have these speakers come to talk to us—and they were always these “reformed” types—they live these supposedly crazy awful lifestyles and THEN they find “God” or “Christianity” and you know then they drive around the country making money from telling people about it. so this couple comes in and tells us about their “horrible lifestyle” where they were always involved in all these orgies all the time in the sixties and seventies before they found God. And me and my friends who were 16 year old high school guys were looking at each other like “O.k.???? what’s so bad about that????” Seriously though, this is really something that we need to research from a socio-psychological perspective and heal our whole speices—well maybe its just the Americans that need the healing, cause the French and Italians certainly don’t seem to have these sex hang-ups. 

What is this trauma/phobia that religious people have with sex? What is their hang up? And why do they equate it with being so sinful? Its like they gasp. “Aaahhh! Sex! No!” but in their entertainment they’re so “ahhh, sex! Yes!!” I wonder what that is. I wonder if it is the old “what gives pleasure is wrong and if I avoid or give up seeking pleasure or things that give me pleasure then I will be enlightened/saved/good/pure/God-like/whatever.” That whole idea of us being born guilty and we need to be saved or forgiven our sins. We need something outside of ourselves to heal us or save us. the older I get the more I see that it is just a crock. I’m not saying we’re not born feeling bad inside. You know, it does kind of seem like we are. Or maybe we aren’t, but by the time we hit maybe ten years old we start feeling kind of weird about ourselves—so that explains the ridiculous but understandable from a caveman-like mentality of “original sin”—and so yea that temptation to look to something outside of ourselves to get healed, saved, or forgiven is an easy play, especially if its brought to young people by people who are older than us. ‘look to this and you will be healed for your sins.” I think its important to keep it in perspective that we all feel that way—its not really a personal thing—we all have that weird feeling inside, like maybe there’s something wrong, maybe I did something wrong. and no I don’t think we should call it original sin or take on any of that bullshit about Adam and Eve or “accept that we are all sinners” or any of that crap. its just a sham. Look at these big fucking churches that are perpetrating these myths. These places are huge with these huge stone columns and high ceilings, like castles or something. You want to help heal the world? Stop telling us all this shit. I don’t think it has to be through anything outside of ourselves. I think its just us accepting ourselves and forgiving ourselves and moving on. [I remember my uncle once telling me “Eddie, you don’t know man, I’ve done some really bad things in my life.” and I was like “uncle don’t worry about it, we all have. That’s no reason to beat yourself about it for years and years. just let it go man. We’ve all done shit that haunts us. I mean, that’s one thing you can be sure of. Everyone has. You have to let it go. love yourself that much that you can forgive yourself.] And within us all is the power to heal and save and forgive ourselves. And then we can start forgiving others. Yea.      

Celebrating a lot this last week. Feels like a party inside.  

Current Spin: Bee gees, main course. Researching the bee gees now. Checking out all their other stuff besides the sat night fever album. 

That sound man.