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Month: May 2003

article 2019-04-29 124619_0.html

May 31, 2003

In the studio today working on the new new album, temporarily and affectionately nicknamed Slept with you, the Bastard little step brother of Sleep with you. The joke being that Sleep with you hasn’t even come out yet, and fuck who knows if it ever will. (ps—to all of our fans who expected to buy the album on its “official” release date of March 1st, then April 1st, may 1st, and then June 1st, our apologies. We seriously and sincerely hope along with you that it WILL be out by July 1st.) But we are so far gone from that project now. We are holed up in Vancouver’s home studio madly passionately insanely and around the clock cutting tracks to this new new album. we have been waiting so fucking long for the new album to get the artwork done and come out so we can start playing and promoting that I think that we were all just going stir crazy creatively and we are so happy and excited to be playing together right now, you know, we’re like little kids, cause we all have the same influences and inspirations so we didn’t even plan this. We just started writing in rehearsal and Vancouver was like “hey why don’t we go record at my house?” and we were like “what? No producer? No real studio?” and so we did it. And then well then, we’re going to post a song on the site for you to check out, cause we are making the sickest album. So now the thing is we’re just lofi-ing this thing and doing whatever we want, all on our own. A few rules we’ve come up with so far: no real studio. No producer. No engineer. No worrying about what is commercial or sellable right now. no thinking about hits or singles. Do whatever songs we want. Don’t worry about beginnings or endings, etc. So we cut our own version of tomorrow, 
The McCartney and wings song, and we’re gonna do a Sinatra song. And just write and record day to day, choosing songs as we go.  
Right now the Piano Man is recording his keyboard parts while Vancouver attempts to engineer him. Father Bloopy is passed out on the couch. I’m typing, and Vancouver is screaming “this is so exciting. Holy shit. Dudes!” we’re all high-fiving. Because I think for the first time we are actually making real music. 
I know for me there was a moment when we were creating this intro to tomorrow that we wrote, that as I was singing, between takes I think, I put my head down and started to cry, kind of more like weeping, only for a few seconds, because it sounded so beautiful, and I was so happy to be making that. no one saw me and I don’t care if they would have. I just feel now that I have all of a sudden started becoming so much me now, so much who I really am, that I am filled with joy all the time. Especially with music, or with who I am as a musician. It just made me cry, cause I’m finally making music the way I always wanted to, the way I always knew I could, its starting to come out sounding like it always has in my head. So it’s a really wonderful thing.
And it’s fun to share that with the other guys. Cause they are so much younger than me some of them and its cool to be with them and to show them that we can just make our music however we want and really go for the FEELING rather than the HITS or the COMMERCIAL appeal, which is what most people do and now after all these years of going through that when I was a really young musician, I think that is what ruins your music. Who knows, that could be what stops people from being really successful or popular at music, cause they’re always trying to fit in with what’s popular or commercial at the time or what some suit and tie is telling them. 

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Uncategorized Labels: commercial hits, Music Industry, new album, Studio Session, transcendence diaries

article 2019-04-29 124619_1.html

May 30, 2003

Went to the Turkish baths today for massage and steam and salt water Jacuzzis. Ooo yeah. 
Then we went to the clubs tonight. Not rock clubs, or cool clubs or scene clubs, but regular clubs, dance clubs, mainstreamers’ clubs. Top 40 music type places. The kinds of places where you see the people standing in line in the front waiting to get in. I always wondered why those people stood there like that just to get into a club, and who would want to get into a club that didn’t want them in there, you know, if they’re not smiling from ear to ear at the door and shaking your hand because they are happy to see you like is the case in the kind of clubs me and my boys have been going to for years, then why would you possibly want to go in? Well I wanted to check it out. 
Pretty wild and crazy. This is where all the short-hairs hang out. All the guidos, and the chicks with the short dresses and low cut jeans and the ‘you’re not going to fuck me” frowns on their faces. Every one is dancing like crazy and getting drunk. Total hedonism. Fun stuff. if you can bear being in this kind of crowd for long. And not actually talking about anything important or intelligent. And of course the music is dreadful. Combination top forty mixed with dance. They’re just dancing and drinking and trying to pick each other up. Again, just a totally different trip than when you go to more of a scene type of place where people are listening to more underground stuff and talking about this or that, politics, what documentaries they are working on or whatever. Just a very different crowd of people. These crowds are just dancing to the latest “50 Cent” tune or whatever dance song is happening in the moment.  
So less than an hour into it, I find myself on the dance floor just totally making out with this chick from Spain. And my friend comes over to me and he’s like “dude, now do you see why we come to these clubs?!” and he high fives me. and I’m like “dude!” 
Yea and then like three hours later we see her making out with some other guy on the dance floor. And I’m like “o.k. so about this whole “free love” ideal I have. Its not so easy as I thought. 
But then we’re whizzing down the highway at 5 am in the morning listening to Dean Martin sing us home. And all was well.  
Current Spin: Dean Martin, the capital years. 

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Uncategorized Labels: hedonism, top 40 music, transcendence diaries, turkish baths

article 2019-04-29 124619_2.html

May 28, 2003

A lot of the pain over the last two years since I’ve been single—the trail of broken hearts as my friends tease me about, its just because you know when people are single, as I’ve been learning they really are looking for someone, really hoping to find a Mr. or Mrs. Right. And when you meet someone and you have this amazing time with them and everything seems great, but then maybe that person calls it off, it does hurt. And the tendency is to blame that person for hurting you. But deeper than that, its that we just feel so goddamn upset that they don’t like us. So we get mad. Its like this what the fuck is wrong with me thing. And you know I never meant to hurt anyone. And I know that no one meant to hurt me. That one time the first girl I dated once me and Cleopatra broke up Kelli, and we went out for a while and then I find out one night she’s seeing her boss out on a date with this guy. And I was surprised you know. I told my boys. Man I’m so hurt I say. And they say get used to it. Welcome to being single bro. You’ll bounce back. but I never faulted kell, cause she obviously liked this guy more than me even though we really hit it off. Six months later they were married. So who’s to say? She and I became friends pretty soon after that night. I started giving her tips how to play it with the guy you know. I couldn’t really be mad. I mean who’s to fucking say who someone is going to like. Its just a roll of the dice. Or more than that, its some kind of destiny. You can’t blame someone for not liking you and vice versa. I hate when girls get mad at me for not liking them. and I’m sure they feel the same way about guys, when guys won’t stop calling them. I understand their pain, cause I’ve felt it, but it still hurts when they blame you for something you really can’t help. Cause after I am with a girl I want to keep knowing them and hanging with them anyway. I hate that whole attitude ‘well if we’re not going to go out then I don’t care if were friends or not.’ That’s a great way to know that you made the right decision when you break up with a girl, if she gives you that line.
Last Movie:  looking for an echo. This was a great movie. I think I’m going to get into doo wop now after seeing this movie.
Current Spin: alanis morrisette, supposed infatuation…

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Uncategorized being single, Labels: being in love, loneliness, looking for love, looking for the one, meeting someone, transcendence diaries

article 2019-04-29 124619_3.html

May 27, 2003

Went to the Road to see Jim Camacho play. Amazing show!!! This guy is on fire right now. He is just perfect. Spent a lot of time talking to Enzu and other guys in the scene about making a documentary about the Miami music scene. Meeting on Sunday to put a plan together. 
Thought you’ve seen it all? Bush and Blair now nominated for the Nobel Prize! This is really funny! Its not a joke. Reject this nomination by signing this petition. Please forward this email to others you believe share your concern. To view additional petitions, please click here: http://www.thePetitionSite.com 
Last Movie:  Rufus wainright video for April fools day

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Uncategorized Jim Camacho, Labels: bush and blair nobel peace prize, Miami Scene, transcendence diaries

article 2019-04-29 124619_4.html

May 26, 2003

Worked every day this weekend. Most days till 9 or 9:03 at night. No day off yet. But in the end, it will be worth it. Momentum trails all around me. Just huge leaps and bounds. That book peak evolution should be mandatory reading for everyone. Before you get your driver’s license or something. Like a bible, but better. 
As soon as I start thinking of something, I see it start to manifest around me. Getting good at noticing optimizers, blocks and flows. Investment bank contacted us about buying or investing in AF. This could be a great thing, an amazing thing. Cleopatra and I have worked together for too long. Time to let go completely. Big sighs of relief and cries of release the last two weeks realizing it and letting it all go—you can literally feel chunks of reality lift off of your body when you discreate or let go of things—you feel lighter, more free—this is how we explain miraculous healings of physical ailments or sickness or disease when someone heals something mentally or emotionally. You can actually feel it physically. Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my office and my hard drives. Deleting entire folders filled with years’ worth of files. Just letting this whole aspect of my life go. Filling garbage bags with years worth of folders and documents. Jumping up and down–celebrating the end of an era. And the beginning of a new one.
On the smoking front. The worst part is over. But there is something worse than the worst part when it comes to not smoking. The weight gain. You just tend to eat more. Its fucking crazy. I’ve gained 4.5 pounds. I swear to God I would rather die at 40 skinny than live till 70 fat. 
Last Movie:  Secretary. O.k. so what was that? Francis  recommended it. now I’m worried about Francis .  
Current Spin: Travis, the man who.  What an amazing album. amazing. this is like a Beatles album. every song is as good as the next. Its just beautiful.  

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Uncategorized investing, Labels: AF, optimizers, quit smoking, smoking, transcendence diaries, working hard

article 2019-04-29 124619_5.html

May 25, 2003

Thinking about…. can we become our own guru? Imagine that. become your own guru. 
Also starting to realize more and more that I/we need to be less “planny” and more “do-y” How do you write it? Plan less, and do more. Stay watchful of each moment and look for the optimizers and wham strike hard and fast like a snake does. Rather than plan every move. I mean, the truth is, we already know what were doing. We already know what we want. Our big picture most of the time has been playing in our heads for years, since we were kids. We just have to go for it. stop thinking about it. take more action. 
Current Spin: Muse: Origin of Symmetry. This is THE FUCKING BAND. My God. How does a band like this get away from us? from total world domination. And yet Justin, Britney, J Lo, Nelly, etc. are just everywhere??? How does this happen? I really don’t get it. I just don’t get it. what is wrong with the fucking picture? Now you get a better understanding of why someone like woody Allen or Picasso was so revered. Because they were good AND popular, whereas a lot of times, people who are popular with the masses are just so NOT good. popular or not, Muse is great. Check ‘em out. 

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Uncategorized guru, Labels: be watchful, muse, optimizers, orgin of symmetry, take action, transcendence diaries

article 2019-04-29 124619_6.html

May 24, 2003

Extreme Fetish party. Picked up a few others on the way there. Girl says to me from the backseat, “you don’t smoke pot, do you?” I think to myself, eyebrows raised, as I give her a glance in the rearview, “hhhmmm, when did I turn into someone who looks like they ‘don’t smoke pot do you?” The irony. I spend ten years unequivocally looking like someone who “definitely smokes pot don’t you?” and now… life is funny. Our constant transformation…
And so off we drove, by now a little past 1:03 in the morning, four strangers in a car, because none of us know each other—I was picking people up randomly who looked like they were going to the fetish party and giving them lifts. So four strangers flying down the highway. Introducing themselves, sharing where they were born, where they grew up, how they ended up in Miami, and even more telling, how they ended up in my car on their way to am extreme fetish party at one-thirty in the morning. 
We get there. By now we’re all best friends of course, having known each other for a good half hour at least. Walk in. Sex everywhere. Massive perversion. Deviance like nothing you’ve ever seen before. A human circus. Man plays the animal. Hungry desperate faces roaming aimlessly with the ‘can I play?’ look in their eye. Really just a massive orgy amongst not very good looking people. But adventurous nonetheless. A feast for the eyes and body if you dare partake. But over all, not much like the normal festivities, which are usually filled with fun frolicking fashion freaks and thrill seekers. This was just an excuse for total perverts and deviants to get in a room and freak out together, suck each other’s big toes, hang Baskets of eggs from their nut sacks, and walk around in diapers. Too many men. Too many older people. And too many uglies. A big thumbs down. 
Free love, just pure unadulterated free sex and passion, lust, and love amongst consenting adults is one thing. That whole Roman Greek Hollywood orgy thing is fascinating to me. But fetish isn’t it. Fetish is a whole different thing. The fashion is cool. But its not what I’m looking for. That whole Playboy Mansion thing though is another story. Hugh Heffner in the hot tub with ten girls. [reminds me of this one time in school—I went to a “Christian” high school-and they would always have these speakers come to talk to us—and they were always these “reformed” types—they live these supposedly crazy awful lifestyles and THEN they find “God” or “Christianity” and you know then they drive around the country making money from telling people about it. so this couple comes in and tells us about their “horrible lifestyle” where they were always involved in all these orgies all the time in the sixties and seventies before they found God. And me and my friends who were 16 year old high school guys were looking at each other like “O.k.???? what’s so bad about that????” Seriously though, this is really something that we need to research from a socio-psychological perspective and heal our whole speices—well maybe its just the Americans that need the healing, cause the French and Italians certainly don’t seem to have these sex hang-ups. 
What is this trauma/phobia that religious people have with sex? What is their hang up? And why do they equate it with being so sinful? Its like they gasp. “Aaahhh! Sex! No!” but in their entertainment they’re so “ahhh, sex! Yes!!” I wonder what that is. I wonder if it is the old “what gives pleasure is wrong and if I avoid or give up seeking pleasure or things that give me pleasure then I will be enlightened/saved/good/pure/God-like/whatever.” That whole idea of us being born guilty and we need to be saved or forgiven our sins. We need something outside of ourselves to heal us or save us. the older I get the more I see that it is just a crock. I’m not saying we’re not born feeling bad inside. You know, it does kind of seem like we are. Or maybe we aren’t, but by the time we hit maybe ten years old we start feeling kind of weird about ourselves—so that explains the ridiculous but understandable from a caveman-like mentality of “original sin”—and so yea that temptation to look to something outside of ourselves to get healed, saved, or forgiven is an easy play, especially if its brought to young people by people who are older than us. ‘look to this and you will be healed for your sins.” I think its important to keep it in perspective that we all feel that way—its not really a personal thing—we all have that weird feeling inside, like maybe there’s something wrong, maybe I did something wrong. and no I don’t think we should call it original sin or take on any of that bullshit about Adam and Eve or “accept that we are all sinners” or any of that crap. its just a sham. Look at these big fucking churches that are perpetrating these myths. These places are huge with these huge stone columns and high ceilings, like castles or something. You want to help heal the world? Stop telling us all this shit. I don’t think it has to be through anything outside of ourselves. I think its just us accepting ourselves and forgiving ourselves and moving on. [I remember my uncle once telling me “Eddie, you don’t know man, I’ve done some really bad things in my life.” and I was like “uncle don’t worry about it, we all have. That’s no reason to beat yourself about it for years and years. just let it go man. We’ve all done shit that haunts us. I mean, that’s one thing you can be sure of. Everyone has. You have to let it go. love yourself that much that you can forgive yourself.] And within us all is the power to heal and save and forgive ourselves. And then we can start forgiving others. Yea.      
Celebrating a lot this last week. Feels like a party inside.  
Current Spin: Bee gees, main course. Researching the bee gees now. Checking out all their other stuff besides the sat night fever album. 
That sound man.

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Uncategorized free love, impressions, Labels: fetish party, morality, morals, orgy, original sin, roman greek hollywood orgy, transcendence diaries

article 2019-04-29 124619_7.html

May 23, 2003

Found the best live vocal mic today, Neuman kms105. it sparkles. Worked all day and into the night. Then we saw ‘down with love’—great fun movie. Realized that I was totally out of gas. Meter said I had 0 miles till empty. Uh oh. So I get to this gas station and just as I’m getting ready to pump, a car comes hurling through the lot and crashed into the store! So they close the pumps! And I’m completely on empty. So I’m like man that sucks but I still have to get some gas. And they’re like sir did you not see a car just crash into the store? And I’m like uh yeah I did but that didn’t fill my car with gas. I’m still on empty. I need gas and I don’t care if a UFO crashes into the store. I did manage to make it to another station—I bet they make those meters with a few extra miles in there just for people who ride it till the end like that. 
And then we were off. A beautiful night. Flying down the highway at 120 mph with the top down listening to this collection of Cole porter  tunes with all the original singers. I snapped a picture of what the lights look like flying by. Try driving 120 trying to take a picture with your Palm. Big fun.

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Uncategorized Labels: down with love, Late Night Drive, live mic, neuman kms105, running on e, speeding, transcendence diaries

article 2019-04-29 124619_8.html

May 22, 2003

Love the flower without the need to pick it. The experience of the flower is 
everything. The true experience of anything is everything.
Love in the moment is not a fleeting thing. Doing things one day at a time is 
not a lack of planning. In fact it is just the opposite. Being in the now 
connects us much more deeply than any plan for capture or ownership ever could.
The paradox is that letting go allows total ownership, but in another whole 
sense.
When you love freely you experience it fully. When you love in the moment you 
take away the power of the past or the future to ruin the moment. What is 
revealed then is so beautiful that it will attract itself again and again. 
Measures against insecurity don’t necessarily lead to more security. 
Sometimes they just lead to more measures.
But love manifested brings us full awareness of ourselves and our ability to 
love, our trust in love. Then love will always be coming into our 
consciousness, into our lives in a beautiful way.
Who or what we love is not really the point. When we love we trust ourselves 
and the universe. That can never be betrayed.
Eman8tions
Copyright © 2003  by John MacEnulty
5/22/2003, St. Louis, MO
Current Spin: primal scream, xtrmntr 

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Uncategorized flowers, John MaCenulty, Labels: about love, love, love poem, mean*tions, poem, transcendence diaries

article 2019-04-29 124619_9.html

May 21, 2003

The more that we suspend our belief in ourselves as the sole creative force in every facet of our lives…. such as when we think, “I wonder if this was meant to be….” or “I wonder if that’s where I am supposed to go?” “I wonder if that’s what was supposed to happen,” the more we do this the more human we become, the more human and powerless we stay as creators, susceptible to arcane constructs such as fate, destiny, or gods. This is where ideas such as “God’s will” comes from. Or “it was just meant to be.” I’m not saying it is easy to think the other way. This type of thinking—that we have the power, the potential, the capability to create our own experiences—is possible. I have experienced it on and off again for the last eight or so years. And when you’re on, you’re really on. Its like you’re just in total flow with the universe, in harmony with the world around you. And you can do no wrong. 
But you know, sometimes you can throw yourself some curve balls and that’s when people say things like “life can throw you some curve balls.” But life doesn’t throw curveballs. Life is as simple as birth, breath, and death. Its us doing it all, obviously in harmony with some sort of energy or force that is holding it all together (scientists call it the unified field theory and haven’t figured out what it is yet, and religious people call it God—see this website http://quantumaetherdynamics.com/ ), and it’s easy for us to get sucked back into that mindset that someone or something else is doing something to us. it just seems hard a lot of time to feel like we are totally steering our own course. We want to call someone. I mean, how many times do we think about being able to pick up the phone and call someone, like God or a psychic or astrologer or counselor or whatever. “Hello? God? Hi, its Fishy. Can you please tell me what the fuck is going on here?!”
I think its important to feel aligned with the universal flow of it or with our higher self or with a higher power. Whatever that means and feels like to each of us, but there is this thing of free will. Free will meaning that we can decide anything we want and do anything we want to in every moment. The more we operate from this viewpoint the more power we seem to possess. And the less dependent we seem to need to be on outside forces. 

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Uncategorized Labels: flow of the universe, self belief, Theory of Quantum Entanglement, transcendence diaries

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A private little world for me… a private little world for you. The online journals and musings of singer-songwriter author and activist Ed Hale. The Transcendence Diaries have been posting regularly online since 2001. Comments are always welcomed. And so are YOU.

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