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Month: March 2005

Avatar: Day 4

March 22, 2005

Day four

Holy shit. we got some new exercises today. explained a little more. turns out this is not about building you up like some of the other courses… but breaking the ego completely down – getting control of it, getting it in check. For me, forget about it. I have worked my ass off to build my ego up for the last few years thinking I had to in the business I am in and today I was in total resistance from just thinking about my ego. Struggling. Squirming in my chair like a little kid. the ego going fucking nuts. attacking other students on the course I was working with all day. lots of tears and screaming. Very defensive. Had to call a trainer a few times to help me integrate before I went crazy. lots of Anger. Shame. Pain. nauseous. Wanting to give up a few times. I cannot imagine ever being able to get control of my ego. Feels too big for me. much bigger than I am. Discovered that almost everything I do is to feed or boost my ego.



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Uncategorized avatar course, breaking your ego, ego

If I could plug my brain into a machine

March 14, 2005

In the subway. Ipod blaring in my ears. I can’t hear a thing around me. just this pounding music. so I’m watching everyone…. I see a strange response around me from many people. I take off an earbud and hear that we are now stuck in the middle of a fucking tunnel two full stories underneath the ground and we will be here for at least fifteen minutes because the train in front of us is broken… talk about a freak out. everyone is freaking out. standing up and trying to calm down… eventually people calm down. There is no way out…

I watch as everyone is reading their various things. a girl next to me is studying some textbook. And a girl across the way is reading some magazine article and a guy is reading some science fiction book and someone else is reading some technical manual for his job. And I’m thinking… I’m so sick of the way humanity still is… with this way we have to read everything…we’re so primitive. Still having to read and type. We’re just not getting it at all. we’re so not there. so totally unconvinced that this is the ultimate method for obtaining data, of downloading data into our internal hard drives of our brain. Its like we’re a bunch of cavemen still. each of us supposed to major in something so we can do that as our job and we have to sit here and read all this shit and learn it so we can do that as our job…. the matrix movie really had it with the whole concept of plugging in or jacking in and downloading whole knowledge banks into our brains. When will this happen? and why the fuck do I have to sit here and type? Its so fucking frustrating. So old school. So last century. There has to be a better way.

Just as mark twain used to have to sit and hand write and then later say tom Robbins had to sit and type on a typewriter we too are still totally trapped by our having to sit and type into a computer. If only I could plug my brain into a machine that would allow my thoughts to instantly transfer to the page…

Current spin: The streets new one. very cool.



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Uncategorized download data, internal hard drives, plug our brain

What the bleep

March 11, 2005

The Poet calls me. About that movie what the bleep do we know.

“Dog. did you see it?”

“yeah. Heard it all before. but cool that its hitting the masses now…”

“well some cat, who’s gay by the way, not that that means anything, here totally destroys it in a recent review in the paper. says its garbage and not scientific… I wondered what you thought about it…”

“Look man I didn’t even like the movie. You know. I fell asleep. But to try to discount the scientific theories that that movie is talking about is ridiculous. These aren’t even new theories. Scientists have been talking about them for years. since the late eighties when that whole “science meets metaphysics” concept first started. Books like the Tao of physics and dancing with the wu li masters… so this guy you’re talking about is an idiot to try to even discount it… sure it was a boring movie… ameturish. I’ll give you that. but c’mon. At this point its obvious we’re controlling a lot of what were experiencing through some sort of unconscious or semi-conscious manipulation of molecules with our mind energy…. it’s a given… I don’t have the time to argue with these idiots anymore if they don’t get it…”

“I thought you’d say that. you would think so.”

“maybe the guy is just pissed that he was born gay and feels trapped by it, you know, genetically… so he refuses to accept that we have any control of our own destinies and would rather have a fatalist attitude about life….”

“I don’t know. but he just says that there is no scientific proof that we can have any control at all of the molecular nature of the world…”

“yeah, well then he’s been living in a fucking cave for the last twenty years. cause everyone’s talking about it now. I’m not saying that were doing it all a hundred percent. You know. I mean lets be real. If we were controlling our own destinies I wouldn’t be talking to you from an office… I’d be in the back of a limo with a glass of Cristal in my left hand and there’d be three Swedish sixteen year olds going down on me…”

sixteen year olds? Wow. I like that man. Tell it like it is.

hey why hold back man. You know what I mean. but I’m not in the back of a limo..

with three Swedish sixteen year olds going down on you?

exactly. so obviously we aren’t controlling our destinies a hundred percent… but c’mon man… I’ve learned enough. I’ve seen enough… obviously we’re controlling a good portion of it… at this point a lot of people can see that… can feel it. there’s no question about it. regardless of what certain scientists are going to say. Some of them will be the last to let on that they get it. because it defies the laws of current scientific thought. And that’s their job. God bless them because that’s what they’re there for.

“It just goes to show how far off our scientific knowledge of the day can be…”

Exactly.

Right now, here in Atlanta Georgia there are schools that because of supposed scientific knowledge certain schools are not allowed to teach evolution…

Exactly. unbelievable. And according to current scientific knowledge of the sixteen hundreds Galileo was thrown into jail in Florence because he said the earth revolved around the sun. so go figure. So that’s current scientific knowledge for you. Right now we assume the earth revolves around the sun. But for all we know, there’s another body that the sun is revolving around but we just can’t see it because its too big or too small or it exists in some other dimension… who the fuck knows? Current scientific knowledge is only as good as people are willing to extend their imagination beyond it…

Well said Mr. Ambassador. Dude. The universe is fucking expanding. Have you ever thought about that?

Yeah, I know. fucked up. makes me anxious. I have to take a valium when I think about it. how can you feel grounded when you think about that? I just wish everything would stop moving for a while.

My dreamy lover… how I miss you… lets go out tonight. lets eat Indian food and fall asleep on each others laps listening to music in a public place…



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Uncategorized being born gay, being gay, homosexuality

article 2019-04-29 124625_27.html

March 1, 2005
On the subway tonight and there was this girl staring at me. maybe she knew me, or wanted to. she was very beautiful. I was so happy; I was tired, listening to great music on the ipod headed for this art gallery opening that *** was giving and just digging being alive and I’m looking at this chick and I want to reach out to her. tell her how beautiful she was but then I spotted this other chick to my right and then another to my left and in that moment I realized wow I am fucking in love with three different girls on this subway car right now… and in that moment I realized that that was a great thing. opening up. what does that lead to? this opening up? I don’t know. but it feels good to be in it.

Between albums at this time. between worlds. no touring no playing no nothing just waiting building preparing. Sometimes I have to choose between food and laundry. And as most people would I almost always choose the food. I have more clothes than should be legally allowed. Madelynne counted once because she thought it was ridiculous and she said I had a hundred and sixty pairs of pants. A lot more shirts. So running out of clean clothes is never an issue, but running out of underwear is… no matter how many you collect at some point you are going to run out of all of them… and then… well yes then… and you don’t have the money to pay the launders bill just yet because you need it for food… LOL… o.k. so brainstorming with the incomparable Zeke Ziskin the other day about your options in this situation. number one you can just go underwear-less for a while. which is fine except chances are you’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans a few weeks so that’s not usually a good idea. for obvious reasons. You can attempt to wash your underwear in the shower with you. I think that’s the best plan. And then let it hang dry. Lets face it, its never going to be as clean as you would like but probably better than free-balling in the same pair of jeans for a week. you can take the least dirty pair and spray the hell out of them with Lysol disinfectant. That’s worked for me before. you can even wrap yourself with a few sheets of paper towels down there if you want. That could do the trick. But then they’re going to get all crunched up and sweaty and by the end of the day forget about it.

Last screening: the last king, history of Charles the II of great Britain. Got out the English history book to follow along. What a crazy scene the whole monarchy/king and queen thing is. what a bunch of murderous thieving lying monsters they all were. All just to hang onto power.

I’ll tell you, we have three missions while we are here: to rid the world of dishonest governments, monarchies and dictatorships, and religions from having any power over any people on earth.

Current spin: vhs or beta, new one. on astralwerks. Good stuff. in line with the recent early- eighties renaissance along with franz Ferdinand and modest mouse.

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Uncategorized Labels: History of Charles the II of Great Britain, subways, The Last King, transcendence diaries

A private little world for me… a private little world for you. The online journals and musings of singer-songwriter author and activist Ed Hale. The Transcendence Diaries have been posting regularly online since 2001. Comments are always welcomed. And so are YOU.

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