April 2005 - TheTranscendenceDiaries

Maria full of grace

April 15, 2005

Just got the call. Our friend Maria is getting worse. She has started to bleed through her trachea tube. It is only a matter of time now. she has we guess decided to head the other way. I call her lover *** and I tell her we are there for her. hundreds of people around the country are there for you both thinking about you and thinking the best thoughts for you. I hope you know that. I know. I know. and Maria knows too she tells me sobbing into the phone. Fishy, there is one thing you can do. tell me sweetie. will you write a song for Maria? She sobs. I already did. I wrote one that night that I was with her in the hospital. And you know what? she added some lyrics of her own. oh my God thank you so much Fishy. that is so cool. I know. it really was. I will play it for you one day. I will record it. it is called Maria full of grace.

Boo Boo Kitty tells me that its o.k. that Maria wants to check out. that will finally be free out there floating. I lied this imagery. It helped me calm into it a bit more. death is heavy for the people that are left behind. But perhaps its not so bad for the person who leaves. At least for Maria, attached to all these machines, afraid to even wake up for fear of choking on the dam tubes shoved down her throat… maybe for her its an alright thing to pass on. I will hold that space for her. for whatever she decides to create. I will miss her though. Very much.

Current spin: ivano fossati, not a word. This is AMAZING. REALLY GOOD MUSIC.

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April 8, 2005

Current spin: Francis Cabrel, double tour. I love Francis cabrel. He reminds me of being young in love with Cleopatra. when life was art and art was life and times were simpler. I love his thick southern accent. My French teacher makes fun of it because she is an ignorant bigot from Paris — She thinks that the only cool stuff that comes out of France is from Paris, but I dig his music very much. A lot of passion.

Last screening: fat Albert. Watched it on the plane. Reminded me of childhood. Frankly I dug it.

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April 7, 2005

Current spin: Elliot smith, from a basement on a hill. Elliot of course just recently passed on from here… very sad. What a talent he was. Don’t know yet about this one. need to listen more. love Elliot’s voice. And sometimes his songwriting. This is… well, lets put it this way… it sounds unfinished. So perhaps a critique just wouldn’t be fair.

Last screening: Garden state. Good enough.

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April 6, 2005

On a plane. Going to Seattle.

French class today started again. third semester for me now and I still feel like I can’t speak a fucking word. Frustrating. But I am entirely committed. I will do it. I will master this language. Will bring down this beast in me that makes it seem so difficult. If not for communicating with the French, which doesn’t seem half as important since they all seem to speak English anyway these days, I will bring it into me and make it a part of me so I can study African music in north-western Africa with the masters. This feels big and important. so everyday I go and I focus as much as I possibly can for a guy who has the attention span of a three year old. But I’m really trying. If I could just get the French people at my school to display even an ounce of passion about anything. Just anything, then I know I would get it better. But they just don’t seem to posses any passion whatsoever. Not for their music or their film or their art. The total opposite of the Brazilians or the Spanish or the South Americans or the Italians. so there’s nothing for me to grab onto and run with. You know how their music has that lazy matter of fact sound to it… well that’s the way the people come off. That’s why French bands like Tahiti 80 and phoenix who sing in English not French come off so good, because they are singing more American, more English, more passionate. throwing more of themselves into it. I swear to God these French people come off like they’re all on downers all the time. so intellectual and passive. And maybe that’s it. maybe its me who needs to shift viewpoints. I need to allow them to be as they are and stop trying to get them to be what I want or need them to be. anyway that’s how I approached this new semester and I have to admit I did feel more into it and felt like I learned a bit more.

Current spin: Nellie, his new one, SUIT. LOVE HIM!!!

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April 5, 2005

I’m sitting on the steps outside in front of my apt writing on my laptop and the doorman pulls up in his old beater. Parks. Turns to me on his way upstairs, smiles and in his grisly voice says to me, “its spring. Seeing you sitting there again… its official. Spring has arrived.” I hadn’t sat outside to write in four months but spring is indeed here. beautiful days. absolutely beautiful. temperatures in the seventies for days now. seems more like California. God is it good not to be freezing my ass off all the time.

Current spin: ivano fossati, la disciplina della terra. I LOVE him. think Italian Sting meets pat metheny style music. he talk-sings a lot. intelligent. Turning into a big influence on how I look at songwriting.

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April 4, 2005

Today I met a man named Harvey Finkelstein. I’m not making this up. He’s a young guy. a cool guy. a guy you would want to hang with. But after he gave me his card, right there in black and white Finkelstein… this was no joke. This was his name. and he is keeping it… if there is any name in the entire history of humankind that belongs off limits to call yourself, but only to be used as the butt of all jokes, it would be Finkelstein… that’s just not a name that should be used for anything but stand up comedy… I couldn’t help but just stare at it and wonder… why doesn’t he just change that name? I mean, o.k. its bad enough that he has it… that’s his parent’s fault, for not changing it before they had him, and then later his own fault… but then if he gets married and has a child he’s going to give that same name to his children.. .and they’re going to be forced to walk around with it and go through all that torture as children as well… and for what? some kind of weird pride? Its bad enough to hang on to a crazy name like that yourself – perhaps if you are some kind of a masochist, you would keep the name Finkelstein and be ornery enough to force it upon your wife – but to do that to your children… that’s really inexcusable.

Now what this reminds me of is when I first met the infamous drummer extra-ordinario Infinito. He had just recently relocated from Bolivia, fresh out of college. still very young. Never a serious word out of his mouth. In fact, he’s still that way today. but a little older and wiser. Everytime we took a break at our rehearsals for the rise and shine album he would go up to my microphone and stand there coming up with very American sounding names and say them into the mic and then laugh his ass off. He would say ‘hold on hold on…. ladies and gentleman, Mr. John Smithson…’ and then he would break out into huge laugher like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard… ‘hold on hold on… listen… ladies and gentlemen… Mr. Fred Baxter!’ and then he would laugh. I never got the joke. At least not at first… but then I started thinking of how my friends and I here in America make fun of Spanish names like that sometimes when we were kids… we would say ‘miguel Jose Gomez… or juan martinez… and we would laugh.. I guess because it just sounded so typically Latin or South American or whatever… and then you would meet someone with that name and you would laugh. Holy shit, that guys name is really Jose martinez or whatever… so Infinito would go on and on… ‘ladies and gentlemen… introducing Mr. roger Wilson!’ and he would laugh… as if that was funny that someone could have that name…

Reminds me of something I read today about the pope dying. It said in the new York times that he passed away at 9:35 pm. And I remember seeing it live on TV in the studio that he died at about 3 o’clock in the afternoon. Well that’s just because I happened to be in America at the time. on the east coast. So that makes sense. But I thought that was strange. time. what a funny thing time is. how the hell are you going to quantify something like that… in the future when people are asked ‘where were you when the pope died?’ they are going to respond according to where they were and what time it was where THEY were, not where the pope was. so if someone was in California they will remember very clearly that the pope died at about noon. And yet the official report will always read that the pope died at 9:35 at night. to make matters even more perplexing, to everyone that was in Australia or new Zealand at the time, they will remember that he died the following day… time on earth. It is quite relative. Next… what else is relative?

current spin: A. Molotkov, this is totally avant garde experimental music project out of Portland OR. Out there. not even music really, but sound. Interesting.

Last screening: sin city. wow. What a feast. Violent and graphic and brutal as all hell. But new. Unique. Bruce was rather predictable, which isn’t a bad thing, because Bruce is great just being Bruce as always, but Mickey Rourke God love him can rest now forever. He performed his swan song. He was over the top amazing. worth seeing again just for his performance… this movie made me extremely uncomfortable and sick throughout. But it still sucks you in. Not my thing, but still a respectable work for its singular vision. One thing is, I will never forget it. a lot of critics are giving it an F. And some are giving it five stars or an A. no one can agree if it’s good or not. That’s a sign of great art. [in that respect the pope was a great artist because he so polarized society] If you ask me I would give it an A because its that good of a piece of work – on its own, it can stand proud, gruesome and discomforting, but proud — but I would give it a 7 out of 10 or a three out of five stars to separate it from the better films of all time. because its not that. but it is a damn good piece of art that you won’t soon forget.

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April 2, 2005

The pope is dead. (I don’t like to use the term ‘the pope’ these days – as if everyone is supposed to know what ‘the pope’ means… if we said ‘the doctor’ when speaking about some witch doctor in Zimbabwe would everyone in the world know who that was? no. of course not. so instead let us offer the same respect to the catholic church as we would any other religion of humankind. Not more not less. Perhaps we should call him ‘the leader of the catholic church,’ which is, after all, in the end, all he is.) Tens of thousands mourn in St. peters square. It seems like just yesterday when Giovanna and I were skipping through St. Peters high on hash and Italian beer in the wee hours of the night, splashing in the fountains and jumping from square to square. “are you a catholic,” I ask her. “isn’t everyone a catholic here?” “of course I’m not a catholic,” she shouts back at me in her sexy thick Italian accent, as if I had offended her. she tells me how the idea that Italy is all catholic is a myth perpetrated by the church, that at this point in history the people of Italy are nothing now, they are no religion. They believe in God and Jesus but they sure as hell don’t believe in the catholic church. they are waiting to be liberated by some new religion or by a regenerated catholic church willing to represent the people rather than rule them with outdated patriarchic ideologies no longer relevant or acceptable to most. [looking back now I find it fascinating how many people stood in line at St. peters to mourn the death of this pope; certainly some of them must be catholic…]

She went on to tell me how many Italians are scared shitless of the catholic church [hey its not just Italians…] and would never dare speak up against them as we do in America—in that we are lucky in America she tells me, but at the same time they don’t go to church or pay much attention to anything that has to do with the church. Indeed this idea is so well known that I even had read the same thing in my American tour guide when first visiting the country. at this point the church is relegated to births and weddings and deaths and that’s about it. the people are waiting for something to inspire them and revitalize them once more. having been raised a catholic myself I noticed the same thing here in America. People didn’t seem to care much about the church here in the states. it seemed very matter of fact growing up… Catholics weren’t inspired; obligated maybe, but never inspired. The last dark veil around the beautiful face of humanity is religion; Catholicism and Islam and Christianity. We need to honor and respect our brethren’s beliefs but keep the truth in the back of our minds. Hold a candle for the light of truth to one day shine on humanity.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/04/06/pope.main/index.html

For me I stand in awe and amazement at how newsworthy this event appears to the world. the man stood against same sex marriage, abortion, birth control, women becoming preists – he still promoted this very sexist patriarchal heirechy where men were above women, the obligation of celibacy for the presithood.. which leads to… denial and then, well, you know what… and so many other modern and progressive ideas, and so to me, he stood against humankind itself in a lot of ways. Still, with that said, he united a lot of people and gave them hope… he was against the imperialist invasion of Iraq, good for him. he is against capital punishment, good for him. that actually makes sense given his stand against abortion, as opposed to most conservative Americans, who reveal the glitch in their thinking machinery by admitting being against abortion but pro-capital punishment… The person called the pope leads one of the richest, most powerful, sinister, and dangerous organizations in the world – the catholic church – what’s left of the gasping roman empire still today; a thinly veiled euphemism at best to those in the know. most people don’t even know that not only is the catholic church one of the richest companies in the world, they are also secretly their own COUNTRY. Just over the top crazy evil shit this company/country-disguised-as-a-religion has pulled off over the last two thousand years… but they won’t mention this on CNN or any other news network. The truth is only uttered under the breath of those brave enough to even have the thought in their heads.

Check out this photo:

grim right? but why? All of the former American presidents have flown in to sit and stare at the passed on priest’s body… but none of them are catholic… what is going on here? any guesses? Would they do the same if the leader of the Hindu religion died? Would they do it if the ayatollah died? Prob not. o.k., obviously not. not now. but I bet they would do it if the dali lama died.. yes? but still they won’t help the dali lama in his quest to free his country from the clutches of tyrannical empirical china… well that’s because china has more money than Tibet. And the catholic church has more money than both… the photo and the reality it portrays is quite startling… why are these men putting on such a show to mourn the loss of the leader of the catholic church when they weren’t even catholic?

Well, after studying his life the last few days maybe its just because he was such a great guy. and maybe its because he was so dedicated to promoting peace. He even issued a number of apologies on behalf of the catholic church over the last ten years for the horrors perpetrated by Catholics over the last two thousand years to the rest of humanity. That’s just fucking amazing. that alone makes him a good guy. better than many that preceded him. for sure.

I keep my eyes on the prize at the end of the right and wrong game when humans will no longer be satisfied being ruled by archaic dogma, but instead will choose self rule and self governance on all levels in their lives. But those days may still be quite a number of years away from us at this point in our slow evolution. People are religious I remind myself. This is real. It is I who lives in another world. the world is still in the world. and though I don’t see it, even I am in that world. I just pretend not to know it. people, I remind myself, are religious here on earth still. and dogma is king. Beaurocracy is king. Hierarchies are king.

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April 1, 2005

At the metropolitan museum of art in central park with a big group of matrix-website community members. I’m serious. Met Nebraska and his wife little Nikki there who were up from Miami for the day to meet a bunch of people from this community who flew in from different countries around the world. they’re all members of this matrix website community. Crazy. but cool.

I was in the van Gogh room and I had this realization that our industry, the music industry is totally fucked up. totally anti-art. The way the painters would do hundreds of paintings a year. just let themselves go free do whatever they wanted to in the moment – freely express themselves as artists and how in the music industry we aren’t even supposed to make more than one album a year for fear of wasting it because the “fans” don’t want to buy more than one album a year from the same artist… all these rules. Have to just break the whole fucking thing wide open. and let the pieces crumble down around us. MTV and the radio has murdered the art form of music. just obliterated it.

When I got home tonight from the museum – great chili by the way at this restaurant that sells nothing but soup, that’s another story, only in New York, is there a better place in the world? maybe not — I sat and watched videos with this twelve year old kid who lives upstairs, Tyler. We get along great. Hang out a bit on the rare occasion that I am home. we jam on our guitars and listen to music and watch videos. I’m up in his room watching videos… I wonder what his parents think.. they always thank me for hanging out with him, so that’s cool. I guess they don’t mind. so yeah we’re sitting there watching videos and I was horrified by how bad the music was in most of these really popular songs… just couldn’t believe it. they all sound the same. Very generic and formulaic. I’m sitting there swigging red wine from the bottle and Tyler is asking me for some. Man I need some wine. This music is so bad, he tells me. Bro you’re twelve. You don’t drink wine. Drown your sorrows in Coke. As a twelve year old he even hears it. he has posters of bob Dylan and Bruce springsteen and the Beatles and the stones and zeppelin all over his walls in his bedroom. NOT the modern music of today. and this is a twelve year old. Even he hears how crappy today’s POPular music is compared to the older music. (not that there isn’t great music being made right now, because there is, lots of it. its just not popular.) and the kid is fucking twelve. So its not just me and the guys in the band. the labels tell us that we have to listen to more of the music of today and try to make our next album more like that. that our sound is too left of center, that it doesn’t sound like anything out today. after watching MTV tonight with Tyler I am glad about that. no wonder we don’t sound like the music of today. how the fuck are we supposed to do that? we are fucking creative for gods sake. We are creators. Not craftsmen. Nuts. Totally fucking nuts.

I’ve decided to form another band or two. And continue on in recording more than one album at the same time. I would like to work on all three at the same time right now. with three different themes and three different producers. The rules say you don’t do that. on all accounts according to industry standards I am totally off base. But from this point forward I am saying goodbye to all the rules of the business. just saying fuck it to everything that anyone has ever told me about the music business and what you are supposed to do and not do. its all just hype and crap anyway. The only thing that matters is the art itself at this point.

Being in the museum reminded me how inspirational painting can be for music making. Endless hours of inspiration. New ideas and new possibilities abound.

Current spin: Morrocco, sands of time. this is totally out there, off the dial stuff. non-pop. Brilliant. I could listen to it forever.

Last screening: earth girls are easy. o.k. I think I have now finally seen the worst movie of all time.

TheTranscendenceDiaries

Month: April 2005

Maria full of grace

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