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Month: January 2005

Ignorance is bliss

January 31, 2005

Went to the Internet movie database, as one often does when needing a bit more data, to read what others have said about la dolce vita so I could perhaps gain a keener appreciation of the film. many people have it actually placed on their top ten or top five lists. [This site is brilliant and essential by the way if you do not know it. I’ve been digging it since ‘98. Go here and check it: www.imdb.com.] Best movie lists are impossible of course but always fun. its always interesting to read other peoples lists. you read about movies you’ve never even heard of before. You can then jump right over to netflix.com and order the DVDs to come sit in your player for a night.

My top five if I absolutely had to, but only in this moment, with very little thought and in absolutely no order; in fact they are all tied for first place:

raging bull, sound of music, my fair lady, schindlers list, 8 ½, the matrix, fight club, godfather 1 and 2, but 3 gets nowhere near the top 1000. royal tennenbaums, of course, and life aquatic of Steve zisou, star wars and empire strikes back are always fun, until the end of the world and the two angel movies Wim Wenders did, far away so close and that other one. and then give me any early Cary grant movie just to have him in there. I don’t really care which one. take Philadelphia story. That’s a good one. and would have to get eternal sunshine of the spotless mind in there because I think it may be one of the best screenplays ever written in humankind’s history. of course apocalypse now, since along with citizen Kane, it just may be actually in the top two of all time. oh yes and also the top two would have to include at least three of Woody’s, say, Annie hall, deconstructing Harry, and stardust memories, off the top of my head. Solaris comes to mind for its tone and vibage, but prob not top fifty. But good flick because it speaks to US and not the common masses like most movies do these days.

For tonight that would be it and that would be a fine list for any desert island experience.

For fun we took our IQ tests on this website, www.tickle.com. I missed 4 questions out of 40. Scored a 136. Not bad. Not as good as I expected but not bad. Top 5% overall percentile. Top 100 percentile in visual-spatial, logical, and linguistic intelligence, which means that out of the one-million people who have logged on and taken the test on this site, the score is higher than 100% of all of them – however they figure that??? Or that 0% have ever scored higher; so where did I fuck up? The glitch is that I flubbed some math; only top 95% in mathematical intelligence. All four of my wrong answers were math related. Princess Little Tree on the other hand was so good at the math problems that she didn’t even need to see them. I would just call them out to her and she would answer them correctly in a few seconds. I was impressed. She is after all she reminds me an engineer. I have no idea what engineers do actually but I assume it must have something to do with being good at math.

Stats are as follows:

In fact, 95% of all people have IQs within the range 70 to 130. 68% of people score between 80 and 120. The following chart to your right, shows these percentages and where your IQ score is on that scale. You scored in the top 5% of all participants.??Fucking math. Always been my weakness. But not bad for a kid who was by all accounts a complete fucking idiot in school and never got a grade above a D in twelve years. [this is the truth. I’m not even making it up for dramatic purposes or poetic license. I just never could do school. Always felt lost in it.]

I have always believed, despite what experts claim, that our IQs are constantly changing. Or better, are constantly able to change, depending on our up-bringing and our desire and ability to change the results/outcome of that upbringing and of course our present circumstances play a minor role in it such as how much sleep we’ve had or how much caffeine or how we distracted we are in the moment etc…

I’m pleased with the results of today’s test because I take good care to exercise which I think keeps you smart, I stay in a constant state of learning – for me its certainly prioritized higher on my list than any social concerns – I’m always going to choose reading or writing or working or studying to going out — taking classes of any kind on a regular basis and always learning new languages and staying in this constant state of learning is not only going to keep you smart, but I believe, makes you smarter.

I have also been taking the right nutriceuticals for about fifteen years straight now without fail. And I stagger my intake of certain nutrients depending on what I feel is going on in my mind or body at the time, which I think is also important, the secret weapon. I used to be really into smart drugs and nutrients, in the nineties if you remember, but haven’t been touching them for a few years now since, one, I started intuitively postulating the theory that they could have a tendency to make one more depressed – why I don’t know for sure but could have something to do with their potential to increase acetyl-Choline in the brain, and two, one day I just realized I didn’t need to get any fucking smarter. I took this amazing brain formula about a year ago for the first time in years and I was just flying on it all day, but I just had this thought that said what the fuck, the last thing I need right now in my life is to have any more ideas or to have any better of a memory than I have, or be any more creative than I already am. It wasn’t to ‘be smarter’ that I was in need of; instead it was to be more disciplined, to have more will, to have more follow through… things like that I realized were more important to me now.

But back at the peak of my experimentation with smart-nutrients, about 1998, a friend who was in graduate school for psychiatry asked me to take an IQ test for her so she could fulfill some requirement for a class. I happily obliged since I was curious to see if the benefits I thought I was feeling the last few years prior were merely anecdotal or if in fact they were having a measurable effect; I upped up my dosages of smart nutrients for about a week before the test date. I scored a 147 on the test which she told me was a good score. Comparing that with my recent score of 136 would lead me to believe that I have actually gotten dumber. But since I am happier than I’ve ever been I would tend to believe that the old adage that ‘ignorance is bliss’ may have some truth to it and we should all be trying to dumb down rather than get smarter.

For the record for those who are interested, the nutrients I am referring to are the following: Choline – the PC kind, PS – phosphatidal-serine, PGA – pyroglutamic acid, DMAE — dimethylaminoethanol, ginkgo biloba, Bacopa, vinpocetine, galantamine, l-carnitine, L-phenylalanine. That’s a good start. From there you could move up to actual nootropics, which are drugs not nutrients. But the line is pretty blurred between the two. The smart-nutrients work just as well as the drugs at this point. Again, for me, I’m off them all now. And if that means I drop a few points in IQ, that’s cool. if I have any more ideas than I have now I’m going to fucking go crazy as it is.

For Sir Richard:

But while we’re on it, as far as supplements go, which of course is a major passion of mine, and should be for everyone, my current regime consists of the following:

•    a greens drink once or twice a day to alkalize and get foundational nutrition since I don’t eat very well right now.

•    a Myoplex protein shake because I’m poor and lazy and it provides me with 25 grams in a 2$ one shot with only 5 carbs,

•    a calcium and magnesium with boron and other minerals supplement (I use advacal by lane labs because it is the best form available now) a good calmag is one of the essentials. It keeps you calm, helps you sleep, prevents kidney stones from forming, and most importantly prevents your bones from weakening as most peoples do as we get older so you don’t have to have a fucking hip replacement like Eddie van halen or nikki sixx just did, both in their mid-forties. fuck that.

•    I also like Jarrow formulas advanced bone up which combines the same calcium as advacal with anti-inflamatory nutrients to prevent arthritis or sore and stiff fingers from playing the guitar and piano for hours. [coffee and soda cause arthritis, that’s it in a nutshell, and I love coffee and don’t want to give it up. so a good joint formula like this is important or else.

•    a good B complex with coenzymes – this is the better form, much more absorbable. By far the most important for me. B vits saved my fucking life. alcohol coffee and smoking all leech the b vitamins from your body and so does stress. And my life is filled with all four. And guess what happens when you don’t have enough b vits in your body? panic attacks, anxiety, feelings of stress, depression, irritability, inability to sleep or concentrate, low energy… etc…. also the food we eat here in the states has all the vitamins ripped out of it in the processing stages so a good b vit at least twice a day is essential. But don’t take them at night because if they are good they will give you energy. But at the same time overall calm you down and prevent anxiety. Crazy but true. good stuff. essential. Your life will change within a week of going on a good b complex.

•    Food for life by rainbow light. A phyto-nutrient formula from fruits and vegetables. Lycopene for the prostrate; lutein and carotenoids for the eyes, etc. good stuff. this is the best phyto-nutrient, the most natural one, out there.

•    Alpha-lipoic acid and acetyl l Carnitine combo. Great for energy, memory, male performance, clear thinking, insulin balancing, powerful anti-oxidant protection. On and on.

•    I take an hgh formula about five times a week to keep the level high in my system. I use UltraMax HGH for obvious reasons. It’s the best one out there. great for skin, hair, nails, male performance, libido, fat reduction, increased lean muscle mass, etc. best overall anti-aging combo on the market today. at three bucks a does it better be.

•    I am really into hormones right now. I can honestly say I have never felt better in my whole life. I switch back and forth between DHEA one day and pregnenolone the next, always taking Sundays off. Talk about massive amounts of energy and sharp clear thinking. makes you feel like superman these two do. most days I am just on fire.

•    Deer antler velvet. I don’t take it very often right now because I still think it fucks with my singing, increasing my testosterone levels too rapidly lowers my range, but if you aren’t a singer you will love this nutrient. Super-high in IGF-1 and other cofactors. I still like it every now and then when I need to kick ass. if you are an athlete you will love it.

•    For more energy I take rodiola occasionally. Maybe a half sometimes. But lately I just haven’t needed any more energy. The city energizes me enough.

•    Also NADH is amazing for energy. But be careful, it sneaks up on you. you can get very wired from NADH. And it lasts. Again, I just don’t need it right now. Sublingual formula only seems to work.

•    Fiber. I don’t take it everyday. But its great to fill you up so you don’t eat as much, lowers bad cholesterol like a mother, and keeps you regular when needed. I take it once a week or so. as we get older the need seems to increase. If you eat like shit your need is higher.

•    A lot of people may ask where is the multi-vitamin or anti-oxidant. But by the time you’re done with this list there are plenty of vitamins and anti-oxidants in here for more than your required daily need.

•    One or two caveats: Arginine and glutamine are great for lean muscle increase and fat reduction but UltraMax HGH has plenty of both.

•    also, switch your supplements every month. This is the key. This is the secret weapon of the knowing few. You don’t have to take them every day or every month.

•    Also, what works for me may not work for you. everyone’s needs are different. You have to study the shit like crazy for a few years and experiment to discover what your own needs are.

•    Also, switch brands to see what works best for you. you can’t believe how different each brand is going to feel.

•    Also, there is no need to follow the directions. You may only need half doses of many nutrients.

•    Also, take Sundays off. Give your system a complete day of rest off all supplements to relax and reset itself.

•    One more thing: sleep. I know it’s not a supplement, but I consider it just as important. anyone who knows me knows how much I love sleep. I think sleep is highly under rated by most people. everyone has a different need. some people I know need only six hours a day instead of the average eight. But me, I like a good eight to ten hours most of the time. not every night but I can easily sleep like a rock for ten hours and wake up feeling raged and wild and ready to rock the world. Sounds crazy I know but that’s where I’m at and I’m super defensive of my need for it. people say that’s too much sleep and that you’re sleeping your life away. sure. Keep on thinking that, but I’m more than happy with my productivity, daily output, and overall performance. just ask any of my bandmates. Try waking me up in the morning. It’s not pretty. On sleep also, for some reason I notice that my clock is set to go to sleep late and wake up late. don’t know why but its always been this way. no matter how early I go to sleep I still feel tired before 10am.

•    One more thing since we’re on it and I’m feeling generous. Hair. In the music and entertainment biz, hair is everything. so how does the Ambassador maintain his lion’s mane of curly locks? Well besides the above mammoth list, which I am sure certainly helps, the secret weapon in this department is not a supplement but a topical solution called KEVIS. Little vials of an enzyme extracted from sheep semen from Italy actually. Don’t ask me how it works but it can take a receding hairline or a bald spot and go to town on them like nothing on the market. Rogain is for the unknowing masses. leave it for them. Go on eBay and pick up a few hundred vials of KEVIS and rub it into your scalp everyday for a few weeks and watch what happens. your hair will grow like a fucking weed. Now you know. If you’re balding and hate it, don’t ever say no one told you.

Current spin: an ipod arrived today. I loaded it up and man walking down the street with this baby in your ear makes walking in New York is a whole different experience. Subways are boring and routine? Not anymore. You aren’t even aware you’re on a subway. The music is so loud and boomy and you are just fucking transported to this sound inside your head. Its way fucking hot, an unbelievable invention.



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Uncategorized best movies, imdb.com, iq test, netflix.com, tickle.com, top ten movies, transcendence diaries, vitamin supplements

On fire!

January 29, 2005

Working out tonight after a full fucking day I was just rocking like lightening. On fire. Ideas shooting out of my brain. Twenty minutes of cardio, then about a half hour of weights, and then I put on some gloves and hit the bag and practiced jabs and cross for a while till I was just totally fatigued. Boxing is very cool.

Last screening: me and Isaac Newton. This is a documentary about some of the most cutting edge scientists of our time. especially finding the cognitive psychology work of Steven pinker interesting. And michio kaku the physicist. “what I find the most fascinating is that as I am formulating these ideas of a unified field theory here at this time… that there is someone else, another man or woman or being thinking about the same thing a trillion miles away in another galaxy… formulating the same idea…”

Current spin: NEK, greatest hits. Italian pop star. Nothing I would recommend but cool. kind of a Enrique Iglesias of Italy. Never managed to pull me under.



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Uncategorized boxing, cognitive psychology, working out

Eggs: What the hell are they?

January 5, 2005

Was thinking tonight about eggs. We eat eggs. But what the hell are they? I couldn’t sleep from thinking about it. so I had to get up in bed and make a note. it is such a gross thought when you really just start thinking about it. an egg… isn’t that the fetus of an animal? So where the hell is the animal? I think its like the unfertilized egg of an animal, something like that. totally gross when you think about it. The worse part is that I love eggs. But who the hell thought of this crazy idea? and why don’t we eat the eggs of other animals as well? other birds like turkeys or other birds? Man that would be weird. Why just the chicken? Face it, the idea of us eating the eggs of other animals is just plain fucking weird.



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Uncategorized eggs

Consciousness

January 4, 2005

Went to the dinosaur museum today for a few hours. There is something there we are not getting yet. the earth without man? Or man’s consciousness? The entire world and whole universe without intelligent consciousness? Frankly I don’t believe it. call me anthropomorphic, or whatever that word is that defines when people project humanity onto everything, but I do not believe that there was a time when WE, human consciousness, were never on the earth, or in the universe. Period. I just don’t believe it.

I will never forget the moment when I first discovered it. I was in deep meditation, or tripping on acid, can’t remember, about fifteen years ago. Sitting on the floor of my bedroom as a teenager. Scattered about my room were many books. Mostly on science and religions at the time. in my meditative state I had opened my eyes for a moment and happened upon a picture in one of the books of some dinosaurs. I went back into meditation and had this realization that there was no way that the world was spinning on without our consciousness, as we are told about times during the dinosaur periods. There was only one logical explanation for the quandary: that we were actually dinosaurs, in dinosaur form, before we were in human form. Our consciousness was at least. I just sat in this understanding for a while and tried to imagine what life was like back then for us.

Since we invented the concept of God, then the theory that we weren’t around for hundreds of millions of years and yet other living beings were, like the dinosaurs, is like admitting that God wasn’t around, and therefore didn’t create the universe at all. unless we are to believe that the dinosaurs were intelligent life. which most people don’t. But I would argue with them on that point. I’ve said before and I will say it again and one day it will probably come to pass that a very smart scientist living God knows where will get the credit for “discovering” or “inventing” the theory that we, human consciousness, were actually dinosaurs for hundreds of millions of years before we became extinct and then re-evolved as humans in our current form.

After all, try to imagine a universe without our ‘consciousness’ existing in it, without ‘intelligent life’ in it. impossible yes? exactly. precisely. Indubitably. The truth is that we at one point came to exist on earth, were birthed in the great universe at that point in time, as dinosaurs, because that is the form we needed to take at that time because of the environment of the earth. We could not have existed as humans at that time. So are we to believe that intelligent life did not exist at all in the entire universe? Hardly. We just didn’t exist in our human form that we now exist as. But we certainly did exist. Intelligent life must have certainly existed, since time began I would assert, and since we are the only intelligent life we know of on the earth and throughout the history of the universe, at least we tell ourselves that we are at this point, then why not assume that we took the most practical physical form necessary for our survival at that time? I am surprised that no psychics have ever gone into trance to vibe into the whole dinosaur consciousness to get a better feel for what we thought and felt during those times. and I am even more surprised that no scientists have discovered or postulated this theory as of yet.

After all, where the hell was consciousness, as we know it, the collective consciousness of all that is, during the hundreds of millions of years that the dinosaurs roamed the earth and humans as they are now didn’t roam the earth? could it be that there was no collective consciousness during this time? certainly not. I believe, I feel that it could be quite possible, that we have always been a part of the universe. Since the universe first formed we have been a part of it, existed in it and existed as it, as a part of it. Not only in the universe, but of the universe. And more, I would easily feel at ease with admitting that I believe that we are part of the God force that we still relegate to being separate from us. being gods ourselves, or better, being each of us a part of the God-force, that creates and sustains life in the universe, I would say that it is an impossible theory to even promote for an instant that there was ever a time when the universe ever existed without consciousness in it, our consciousness, godly collective and creative consciousness. Therefore the only thing left to believe is that we first came to the earth as the earliest forms of life that there ever were, perhaps even single celled organisms, then we eventually evolved into aquatic animals, eventually made our way to land and became dinosaurs for as long a time as that form served us, and then became extinct only to re-evolve as upright walking hominids as we are today.

I guess the most important point of this would be to understand that human history does not begin four million years ago when we assume that we first appeared on the planet. We have been here much longer in other forms, as other species entirely. interestingly, perhaps consciousness itself has evolved along the same lines as our physical evolvement. Must be. so when we are searching for signs of modern man’s thinking we have it all wrong. because we weren’t modern man back then. we were modern dinosaurs. Consciousness existed, in as much as it was necessary to exist at that time, just not as human consciousness. But it was still consciousness. Are we then to believe that consciousness as we now define the word today did not exist on planet earth or in the universe until we arrived? As if God/Us created the world fifteen billion years ago, as is presently accepted, but then waited till just the last four million years to create “intelligent life (human beings)?” I would think not. Makes no sense does it? what was God doing? Just chilling by himself? No, again, I would think not. I would say that WE are that God- force and we have existed in whatever form was most suitable to the environment of the world since time began.

Put that way, it seems easy enough to understand, on a purely metaphysical level of course. I am not saying that the human body as it is today, the primate form, evolved directly from the dinosaurs in a strictly evolutionary way. This would be a ridiculous notion. To gather that would be to get it all wrong. I am saying that at some point dinosaurs became extinct, but intelligent consciousness did not. It just reappeared in the human form that we presently attribute to “mankind.” Before this form, our consciousness must have occupied some organic form here on earth and I would guess that it would have been the dinosaurs since that was the dominant species on the planet for so many millions of years. One would have to assume a belief in consciousness as something that exists separate from just our human form. One would have to assume a belief in consciousness as a creative force at work and play in the universe, a God-force I guess. Something that is always present and has always been present since time began.

More later. still postulating. Fascinating stuff though.



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Uncategorized Concept of God, Consciousness, Dinosaur Museum, god, intelligent life

article 2019-04-29 124624_26.html

January 3, 2005
Spoke with the psychic by the name of Echo Bodine, a rather famous woman who lives in Minneapolis, MN. Good stuff.

Current read: Studying history of Tibet.

With an average elevation of 4,900 m (16,000 ft), Tibet is the highest region on earth. For this reason, it is sometimes called the Roof of the World. Most of the people in Tibet live at elevations ranging from 1,200 m (3,900 ft) to 5,100 m (16,700 ft). Tibet is also one of the world’s most isolated regions, surrounded by the Himalayas on the south, the Karakoram Range on the west, and the Kunlun Mountains on the north.

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Uncategorized History of Tibet, Labels: Echo Bodine, psychic, transcendence diaries

article 2019-04-29 124624_27.html

January 2, 2005
Holy shit. I watched some TV tonight at moms house. back in phoenix now. just relaxed and watched a bunch of reality TV. What a crazy world we live in right now in America. Reminds me of that old Arnold movie, Running Man. Like that. things are crazy on TV these days. a perfect time to enter. Who crazier than thou? Haha.

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Uncategorized Labels: reality tv, Running Man, transcendence diaries

New Years Resolutions

January 1, 2005
A fabulous new years eve spent quietly at home with the fam for the first time in many years. But as much as I was apprehensive about my decision earlier today to stay, I must say that I had a great time. I was supposed to fly to L.A. to hang with the sir Michael and lady Beth Ann, but I have been digging hanging with my family so much while I’ve been out here that I just didn’t want to leave them. so I stayed and never flew. May head to L.A. on Sunday instead. I cannot explain how much being with the fam this holiday meant to me. I feel a lot happier and grounded; recharged and refueled. Something changed in me as well in the last few weeks. I really got into this whole kids groove and for the first time could see myself getting married and having kids one day. Not just in an imaginary way like in your mind or in a video or something, but actually saw that I could do it and enjoy it, would welcome it now. crazy. I’m not saying leave the business and become a mainstreamer, not at all. I’m saying do it in spite of still being in the business and staying outside the mainstream. Do it in my own cool way. if I can find a cool non-mainstream wife who digs the idea of having a big family. [but I’m also not saying going totally overboard and naming my kids Dweezil and Moon Unit either. Has to be a subtle in between kind of a thing).

Anyway, we rang in the new year right. lots of Champaign and all of us singing and dancing and all the kids around and I must say that it was very merry and homey and fun. I am very lucky to have such a close tight knit family. It just took me a fucking long time to dig how cool family was. if you would have told me ten years ago that I’d be taking in the new year with my mom and brother and sisters and nieces and cousins at my parents house rather than being at some party somewhere with a bunch of friends, I would have told you that you were fucking nuts. But it was good times indeed. My heart feels warm and smiley and I will fall asleep tonight with a big smile on my face feeling very cozy and full of joy. As Mindy would say, family rocks.

O.k. time for some new years resolutions:

  1. Clean out stuff from the last twenty years. All things items AND habits and thoughts that are no longer serving me. Free up space and time and energy to allow new things to come in and feel a fresh start for the New Year and a new life from now on. 2005 is your year of creativity and fulfillment.
  2. Practice more and master the art of extending the least amount of effort to achieve the biggest and most rewarding results. This is definitely the highest priority behind clearing clutter and freeing up space this year.   
  3. Figure out and find where the fuck I am supposed to live and actually move into a place rather than living out of boxes. I’ve been living out of boxes since July and I have had enough of it. 
  4. I will sign up for French class here in America again and get through the first two levels where I can actually speak French and then… 
  5. I will go to France and study French for a few months in Paris. Spring or summer time would be good.
  6. Speaking of which, I will register for sign language classes when I get back to the city. there is no reason not to speak sign language. Makes me feel like a loser. That would be cool to be able to communicate with people in that language.
  7. From the get go, the most important thing is this: Focus the most free attention on whatever is going to bring in the most money the fastest so I can start delegating more again. delegating is key. Delegating is power. and right now my most immediate need is to have more money available to delegate more.  
  8. Be more artistic. Allow/open myself to be more artistic more of the time. have to get mooooooooooooore into the flow of pure art, flowing art, all the time.
  9. Me and the boys will finish the new album we started in October and it will be our best album ever. I want it to be the best album I have ever been a part of and I am willing to get totally out of the way of it to make that happen. if that makes sense. I know what it means. 
  10. Develop more partnerships. This is really cool and interesting that in the last three days three separate friends of mine have shared with me this same resolution for themselves: acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses in everything that they are doing and develop partnerships with other people that can help fill their needs so their projects are more flowing, and I have been working on developing the same habit. stop trying to do it all yourself and get other like minded people on board. There’s a great book I read last year called mentored by a millionaire that says that this is the number one thing successful people do. 
  11. Along the same lines is the importance of delegating more. this is easier said than done sometimes. I have always been good delegating. But lately I haven’t been doing it as much because of money, or the lack thereof really. There’s tons of stuff we delegate already obviously. If we’re lucky we delegate our laundry and dry cleaning, our massages facials and nails of course, our food preparation when we eat out, etc… but I just want to kick it into overdrive and take it to a higher level. Delegate a shitload more so I can free up more time to do what I’m really good at and what I enjoy doing. True that.  
  12. The TV show we started filming the last quarter of this year will get picked up by a major network. Everyone has worked so hard on it and we deserve to see it through. Plus, I got a chance this holiday while vacationing to catch a bunch of other reality shows on TV now and we have something really cool. Don’t hate me, but I actually watched about five minutes of the nick and Jessica show a few days ago for the first time and for political reasons I won’t say anything except … we need to get our show on the air. And FAST. I’m not going to say it was every bit as stupid and inane and asinine as I thought it was going to be. I’m going to say it was ten times that. times infinity. 
  13. I want to create a way to promote and celebrate GEEKNESS. I’m not sure exactly what I mean by this or how one would do it. But I can feel it. I think that our culture has gotten so totally out of hand with glitz and style and non-substance and hype and crap that we need more substance and authenticity thrown in there to balance things out a bit. [I think ashly simpson and her sister kind of sum it up pretty well… say no more…] We need to honor and celebrate our brains a bit more. and since I am so over the top stupid most of the time I may be the perfect candidate to try to bring some of that out into the mainstream. In other people of course. like if I can just be my cool self and interview smart people that would be cool. I can learn while other people learn watching me learn. That would be cool.
  14. I will not use so many explanation points when I write from now on! Whoops. I mean, I wll not use so many explanation points when I write.  
  15. Of course I will join a gym in nyc when I get back. haven’t been working out the last six months or so and frankly I feel like shit. I live on coffee, sugar, and pizza and that’s no way to live. so I will also make a conscious effort to get through this new anti-aging book by Gary null and really try my best to follow his advice. You should read this book and what he says about sugar and caffeine and processed foods. Its some scary shit. if I wasn’t suffering from all the symptoms he says we do if we eat like that, I would quickly write him off. The problem is that everything he says we experience when we eat like shit is exactly how I feel. go figure. 
  16. I will eat a lot more healthily. More organic, more free range, more whole foods, more natural foods.
  17. I will focus less on being cool and more on being human. Whatever the hell that means, I can feel it and I will try. 
  18. But on the other side of the equation, I will focus less on being so self conscious and allow myself to start dressing as creatively as I want to again. Like I used to. I think I got such a backlash for the sleep with you album from everyone that I went in to reaction from it and started getting really self conscious about how I was being perceived. Kind of closed up too much and wasn’t allowing myself to be the full me for a while. too bad. But not anymore. I’m going to start getting back to dressing as gay and wild and freaky as I want to everyday again. 
  19. I would say I will stop smoking so much, but just writing it makes me nervous. So I won’t. 
  20. I’m going to start a charity of some kind. Some kind of non-profit that gives back. the problem with this idea is that we already have enough non-profits in the world, so there doesn’t seem to really be a need for any more. But maybe I can find a void that needs filling and help fill it. I must say that recently finding out that over 30,000 people die of hunger a day really fucked me up. maybe I can help with that one…
  21. I will resolve and finish all business with Cleopatra and get back to a balanced place with that situation.
  22. As in one of the top ten tips of success by Donald Trump I will “get even” with all the people who fucked me or the band or any of my businesses this year. I have to say that when I first heard Donald recite his ten tips of success at a lecture I attended a few years ago, I cringed when he said that number seven was “get even” with people who fuck you over. I thought that was so unenlightened. Like revenge was only for mainstream idiots. But now after living such a fast paced lifestyle the last few years and seeing how easy it is for some people to fuck other people over if they think they can get away with it, I have come to a deeper understanding of why he has this as one of his top ten tips for success. He’s not saying fuck them over; he’s saying “get even.” Meaning, get back to an even playing field with them. So if that means suing them and taking it all the way to the bank to stand your ground and show them that they can’t take advantage of people just because life is fast paced and they figure you won’t take the time to go after them… well then, that’s worth it. just to “get even” and teach them a lesson. I think it also teaches us a lesson too. that we are bigger than that and won’t take shit. makes us a bigger person and makes us more proud of who we are. So this will be the year we get even with a few folks. And I must say my body tingles at the thought of it. 
  23. I would say that I will find my wife and get married because I would love to have a family, but that seems more like a fate thing, doesn’t it? and besides, is marriage really a goal in this day and age? I mean, this isn’t the old days where you needed to find a wife and start having kids immediately for practical reasons… isn’t the goal more to just connect with people and if you do happen to fall in love with someone then perhaps you decide then what to do about it. and really, in the bigger picture, I should be more concerned with just not being so shy and actually talking to girls rather than just talking back to the ones who approach me. that would be a better goal. To just not be so shy. That’s a big joke amongst my friends, that I never talk to girls. I just wait for them to talk to me. But this is going to be the year that I start opening up more and actually approaching them as well. cross your fingers on this one. but on a deeper note, still have the goal of not goofing off too much. I don’t want this new approach just to turn into a fuckfest like in times past. Still keep the light on for the one and not get too distracted. [o.k. I cheated, I’ve been sitting on these resolutions a few days now before sending them in to post, and I have thought more about this one. the truth is that my mom is right, God bless her. I should focus more on sowing my wild oats completely before I settle down to get married so I can really be there one hundred percent for my wife and family. Once you go for it, that’s it. there’s no going back in marriage. its not like school or work, where you can take a vacation for a few weeks. Imagine going up to your wife and asking her for time off to go fuck around with a Swedish cheerleading squad or for a few nights in a brothel in Amsterdam stoned off your ass on hash brownies in various positions in a few mad orgies. I mean, that would be one hell of a wife who would allow that. No, truth be told, these things need to happen first, before I get married. O.k. so I need to reset this resolution. The real resolution has to be something about taking the year to finish sowing the old wild oats. Just fuck like a madman. Just go crazy and fuck everything that moves. That should do it.]   
  24. I will start signing more and more other artists to my record label. That is a feel good goal. Really juices me. how will we afford it? how will we make success with it? don’t know. But it inspires me. In some cases I will take acts that I am passionate about, sign them to a shopping agreement and shop them to larger labels that can better meet their needs as artists if I feel that I can’t.
  25. There is the infomercial project I am currently working on that has the potential to turn into millions. Will finish this project to completion and realize buku dinero from it. this work I don’t like so much but its good money.
  26. There is also the new business of playersearch.com that recently resurfaced out of the blue just from me thinking about it. will explore this puppy and see if there is some good action that can come out of it. I used to feel really weird about being a rock singer/artist AND a business man/entrepreneur at the same time. as if by being one or the other minimized the authenticity of the other identity. But now I feel that I have integrated both aspects of who I am and can make them both rock and get inspiration out of both. spent some time watching ‘where are they now’ and one thing I don’t want is to be twenty years down the road and be a broke singer from a once not so famous or successful band. a person can open up to their true potential, can become big enough to encompass many aspects of who they are, not just one or two.  
  27. And last but not least, we have a new album coming out in January. I would like it to do better than any other album we have ever released. More radio airplay, more positive press, more sales at retail and iTunes, more live shows and bigger live shows, and more money in every area coming our way. amen to this one. Fo schizzel. 
  28. Also, something about experiencing more depth in my daily life, more godness, more soul, more ritual and more feel-goodness. This is important. How do I do it? hard to get close to nature in nyc. But there are the parks. Hard in winter to go in the parks. Its so fucking cold. Will find a way to get all this and more. need more soul and godness in my daily life. workaholic or not. Need to feel more fulfilled spiritually on a daily basis. 
  29. Also, something about opening up even more and not living in fear or being guided by fear or hesitation as much. There is a fine line between being really open and free and just being an idiot who acts before he thinks things through. Have to find that balance so I can do and experience even more out of life but not be an idiot who doesn’t plan ahead. Allow, and this is the key word here, allow myself to open up more and not be so tight-assed. Let myself go a little bit more. Something like that. 
  30. O.k. a few more I have thought about the last few days (I am writing from the future so this is actually possible – to add notes to new years resolutions of the past… heh heh.) I will spend less time focusing on social things, on friends and family things, during potential ‘business hours,’ during working time, and more time focusing on business, career advancing, and money making tasks. Too focused on friends and family all the time I am I believe. Need to hone in more on making shit happen. save the social stuff for night time.
  31. Same thing with learning, studying, and research. I spend far too much time “working” when in fact what I am really doing is reading or studying or researching different things that interest me. I would be laughing now instead of just smiling if this weren’t so damn true. But I have noticed for years that I could be right in the middle of some all important business task like reviewing proposed artwork for a new CD or new PR for a press release or something or even reviewing dates for a upcoming tour, and I’ll just stop in the middle and start reading about Genghis Kahn on msn Encarta. an hour will go by and then it will be late and I’ll be tired and be like “o.k. well that’s enough for today. lets come back tomorrow.” and lo and behold I never got done what I told someone I was going to get done. So what should only take an hour or two usually takes me days or weeks. Cleopatra used to hate this. used to scream about it all the time. I’d be up in my office studying stocks or real estate or cloud formations when I was supposed to be doing the most simple of tasks instead. o.k. well at least I am on the outside of it now. at least I see that this is happening. I don’t think I ever even noticed it before. I just could never figure out why I never got things done as fast as I wanted to. But I sure developed a large knowledge base about a lot of worthless things for better or worse. haha. 
  32. I will not get ‘caught up’ on things as much and then delay the doing of them. this is about not thinking about things more and just doing them. hard to explain this one. but I can feel what it means. I will see something that needs to be done, and tackle it right then and there. the old ‘email inbox’ is a good metaphor for this tendency. I have messages in there that have things that I need to do in them that are from January 2002 still in my inbox. Crazy but true. from now on: see it, plan it or do it. delete it. period.
  33. O.k. one more I thought of: be more watchful of spending money on different things, mainly business promotions or other offers that come in. So you don’t get ripped off. Have contracts in place first. Have NDAs and CAs. Have agreements in place first that protect you. everyone talks a great talk when the deal is being made, but then if the shit hits the fan, which it always seems to after the money has changed hands, that way your ass is covered. 
  34. Develop more partnerships. This is really cool and interesting that in the last three days three separate friends of mine have shared with me this same resolution for themselves: acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses in everything that they are doing anddevelop partnerships with other people that can help fill their needs so their projects are more flowing, and I have been working on developing the same habit. stop trying to do it all yourself and get other like minded people on board. There’s a great book I read last year called mentored by a millionaire that says that this is the number one thing successful people do. 
  35. Along the same lines: Delegate more. Delegate a shitload more so I can free up more time to do what I’m really good at and what I enjoy doing. True that.
  36. O.k. one more. I will not be so needy. What does that mean? Well, I have an inbox and a voicemail filled with unanswered business proposals and messages from associates, family members, and friends and I feel no juice on this. that’s just life. but if I don’t get a timely response from someone when I reach out to them I freak out like a motherfucker. Always have. I take it really personally. Rather than just honoring the flow of life. I will accept and honor the flow of life more. that’s it. 
  37. Work more standing up, less sitting down, in front of the computer. More in the flow.
  38. By the end of this year I will own enough positive-cashflow-producing properties that I will be able to support myself solely from the passive income.
  39. Finish the Cult Brands and Overnight Celebrity: Welcome to the Personal Expression Age book main key-points (outline it only) and pass on to a ghost writer to finish. Sell the book to a publisher.   
  40. Sell The Tribe goes to London script to a Hollywood studio. Outsource the writing now or once it’s sold, or just let them have it.

That should do it. Happy New Year everyone! 2005 will be the schizzel.

Last screening: Mean girls. This is my new favorite movie of all time. At least for tonight. mainly because I love Tina fey for some strange reason, I’m sure it’s the glasses. And Lindsey lohan… well…

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A private little world for me… a private little world for you. The online journals and musings of singer-songwriter author and activist Ed Hale. The Transcendence Diaries have been posting regularly online since 2001. Comments are always welcomed. And so are YOU.

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