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September 23, 2003

So I’m here in this new office now.  I am still not used to it. But I like it. I have decided to try to completely separate from Cleopatra and the businesses that we have together as much as possible. Its really like starting over.  Just totally starting over.  I’m used to having this very large staff working for me and now its just me since my assistant moved to Boston. I’m not rehiring one because honestly I just don’t have the money from the record company yet. So if I’m not working at the other companies and I’m just trying to work at building the band and the record company then I’m just going to have to go it alone right now. so yes its fucking very weird. I’m used to being a CEO at two multi-million dollar companies by day and a singer/songwriter by night, trying to build a fledgling independent record label with a small staff. and I’m used to all the expected benefits that go along with being in that position. So now its like when I need an office supply its like I have to find a way to get it myself. Its pretty weird. Or when I need lunch I have to call for it myself. Or booking appointments, or booking travel, or just fucking anything. God just writing this is fucking depressing me. I have to even pay my own bills. I haven’t even been in a bank in seven years. I haven’t licked a stamp in ??? I don’t know, years. the other day I went to the post office for the first time since I think the mid nineties. That will definitely be the first and last time I ever go to a fucking us post office. I can’t believe people deal with those lines. No sensible person would. So even errands I will run myself for a while. Facts are facts. I resigned. I am no longer the CEO of two huge companies; I am just a singer now, trying to get his band and his record company to actually make money rather than just spend money. A daunting task. I am CEO now of a very small company that cannot even afford to pay me. so that’s the facts. So no assistant. But as I write this I smile, because we may be under funded, but I am still smart. I am still the brilliant entrepreneur I always have been. I have built many businesses up from nothing and I will do the same with this one. I believe in it. I believe in the music we are making as a band. And I believe in myself as a songwriter. And as a business man and entrepreneur. But none of that is making it easy…

Dear Music Industry

September 22, 2003

—–Original Message—–
>From: the Poet [mailto:thepoet@xxxxx.com]
>Sent: Monday, September 22, 2003 4:49 PM
>To: xxxxx@transcendence.com
>Subject: diary
>
>So here we are, in the vastness of Cyberspace.  This note, from 
>Transcendent drummer extraordinaire, The Poet, is for my fellow Transcenders, whether in the 
>band instrumentally or just spiritually.
>
>I first came upon Transcendence through my friend Matt Lapland, an 
>engineer at the Dungeon studios.  Our band at the time was essentially 
>inactive, so I
>jumped at the chance to “play a few gigs for our band” when Fishy asked me to.  I met the guys, and they all seemed nice.
>
>That was about to be boring.  Blah blah.  I did play a few gigs with 
>the band, they were cool, I wish I would have played better, shit in my 
>personal life got really heavy this summer, I wrote and produced a 
>movie, went broke,
>and left town.
>Now that the summary of my time in Transcendence is out of the way,
>let’s
>have fun, but be serious.
>First, stream of consciousness word associations with all the
>Transcendence
>members:
>
>The Piano man– good, serious, Spanish, busy,
>Father Bloopy– quiet, funny, looks like my friend Nick, elastic
>Vancouver– nice, everywhere, playing all the time, hair everywhere
>The Ambassador, better known as Fishy —sexual, uninhibited, confident, idealist
>
>That was next to pointless, but hopefully some small truths were 
>revealed.
>
>So I was listening to the cd of some of the rough cuts of new 
>Transcendence songs that I played on.  And I’m listening to it, and 
>then it hits me– coax.  That is the word.  COAX.  The way I played on 
>some of this stuff. It
>was unlike how I’d ever played.  Partially because the bands I played in
>have been nothing like Transcendence musically, but partially because 
>everyone in the band CARED so much about what I was playing, as much as 
>what they were playing.  And we tried it, and I did my thing, just the 
>normal Poet thing, and sometimes, it was like, “No, not quite, that thing is fine, the Poet thing, but let’s push the thing,” and we did and it came 
>out to be
>some really beautiful stuff.  It was COAXED.  Not forced.  Just took a
>bit
>of PRODDING.  I can’t lie, the stuff I played with Transcendence was
>less
>than perfect.  It all happened so fast.  As soon as I was discovering
>this
>new angle, getting over this new hurdle, it was on record and finished
>and
>shit got heavy in my personal life and I produced a movie and went broke
>and
>moved away– all before my feet even hit the ground on the other side of
>that hurdle.
>But nonetheless, the whole Transcendence experience, particularly the 
>recording of the upcoming, yet to be titled, yet to be finished album, 
>was amazing.  That’s where it really started for me.  Rehearsals 6:03 
>to 9 on
>Tuesdays at Fishy’s were fine, because I was learning the songs and
>learning
>the guys’ playing  and their vibe and all that stuff, but it was in
>Vancouver’s
>studio, with the Chicken Kitchen orders, and the beating the shit out of
>the
>drums because you can’t get the part, and the get there at 7 and leave
>five
>or six or seven hours later, that’s where it happened for me as far as
>really being in the band.  And it was all so heavy, because we were
>making
>this music off the cuff, and making it so quickly and passionately.  I
>wish I
>could have sunk even deeper into it.  But circumstances you know.
>Circumstances dictate.
>
>So I’m here, in St. Louis, and I throw in the Transcendence rough cuts 
>with me and the guys on them, and I am blasting it in my car, and I am 
>loving it.
>   I am loving the sound of a RECORDED COAXING coming out of the drums,
>and
>Fishy’s galvanized, laser beam voice and Vancouver treating the guitar part like
>he’s
>Jackson Pollack tossing paint all over a wall size canvas, and Bloopy
>laying
>low but stealing the show, because you can’t hold a good man down, and
>you
>can’t make Bloopy play the same thing two bars in a row, because if you did
>it
>would be a waste because he can play it four different versions of just
>right.  And I’m loving it.
>these guys are geniuses. I will miss playing with them…
>Well, Transcenders, it’s been a pleasure sharing some of my experience 
>from the band with you.  Let love rule.  Peace.
>The Poet

  

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September 21, 2003

Went to Madelynne O’Ryans house tonight for dinner. She and Mohdie are in town. Maddie is pregnant now. She looks so beautiful and sweet and happy. Mohdie is so cool now. You can tell he’s really happy that she is preg. I felt such joy being there with them. Their family means so much to me. They have been my second family for a very long time. It is so nice. I have the same thing with Cleo’s family as well. And I really hope that all the problems between us don’t ruin that.

Hi Michigan,

Long time. How is the fastest pen (computer) in the west?
I have to take time to answer your email… so much. But I just read your response about downloading. wow. Ok. Babe,. just because we have discovered a way to steal stuff doesn’t make it right. And just because you (people in general) don’t like the “insert your derogatory expletives here about the” corporate types who own the companies we work for” doesn’t all of a sudden justify stealing from them or the artists they work with. I know you know this. You are too smart not to. But I know how easy it is to find the mind searching desperately for ways to justify stealing or other such acts when they seem really really easy and appear that we may not get caught for them. 

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September 20, 2003

As always walking the fine line between grace and the gutter. Researching porno right now. I always thought pornos were gross. I don’t know why. I am sure as with most things its just the way I was programmed when I was younger. So growing up I never paid attention to them. In high school and college when guys would get into them I just really thought they were gross. Porno. Just the word conjures up images of uneducated trailer trash. Sex without soul. I never had a need for porno because I always had girlfriends. So I just never really understood the need or the concept of them. What were they for? One time Queenie wanted us to watch one. So we did. That was cool. We hit it pretty quick into it. They do turn you on I guess. Sometimes. But they also disgust you at the same. 
Recently on a file sharing program, which is much like porno actually—its as exciting as it is disgusting, I accidentally came across a little porno video online. So keeping in line with my current mission, I decided to check them out. Its amazing. You can type in anything and find it online. Type in fat chicks sex and you can see fifty porno’s of fat girls getting it. Or skinny chicks. Or young chicks. Or older chicks. Or black chicks. Or gay chicks. Or Asian chicks. Type in orgy or gang bang or anal. Its really amazing. I once heard that the porn industry makes more money per year than all American major league sports combined. Even football. I couldn’t believe it. But now I understand. Its just this huge industry that so many people are into. So for the last few weeks I have been researching it a lot.  
Last screening: Noel Coward’s 1946 Blithe Spirit with Rex Harrison. Funny.


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September 19, 2003

Ambasciatore says:

You there?
G2 says:
Yes
Ambasciatore says:
I JUST Got to the new office. I was at the old office all day. :
G2 says:
fo shizzle dizzle
Ambasciatore says:
This is wild. a virtual office. I am going to try to do this in the design district.
Ambasciatore says:
With our building. its awesome
G2 says:
YESES
G2 says:
Brilliant
G2 says:
Your best of the year
Ambasciatore says:
I walk in with my laptop and I plug into an Ethernet cable and I’m online like WHAM! And I have my own desk and phone.
G2 says:
Can you pull enough $$ for the mortgage out of small rents?
Ambasciatore says:
It’s brilliant here. copy machine and fax machine included.
Ambasciatore says:
Hell yes. This guy charges 500 a month for this desk plus about 70 for phone and Internet.
G2 says:
Is it clean, modern & neat or messy and old like 119
Ambasciatore says:
Sorry on the phone. It is clean
Ambasciatore says:
Modern. South Beach.
G2 says:
Sweet
G2 says:
If I were you I’d put some money into 119
Ambasciatore says:
What a fucking concept
Ambasciatore says:
Yea I know.
G2 says:
Make it modern
G2 says:
Clean
G2 says:
People are willing to pay
G2 says:
Make it like GTC
G2 says:
Cheap but clean
Ambasciatore says:
It’s an idea—rather than rent out the whole floor just rent out the little spaces
Ambasciatore says:
Sb
Moved into a new office today. Sharing space with a bunch of other people. Just a place to go to sit and work everyday rather than my old office. Sitting in this huge office space with like fifty other people—everyone doing their own thing. Strange. I told the guy I would try it for a few days. I can tell its not my thing. My current office, the one I’ve had for the last few years, is over a thousand square feet. I have a driving range and a basketball hoop in there. I can listen to music really loudly while I work. So coming into this kind of environment is a huge change. But anything just to keep making progress towards a complete transition. I figure I will only need an office for a few months so it has been hard trying to find some place that will lease for less than a year. But now I am dead set on moving to new York this year and not waiting any longer. So I just need a place to come everyday and work on promoting the new album and plan the move to NYC. I’m not good at working from home. Never have been. Makes me feel weird.
At dinner tonight Bas says, “God I have been witness to such monstrosities by the women the last few years since I have been here.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just the girls down here. They are so different. They are like nothing else around America. They are just so harsh. So ghetto.” 
“I think what you mean is that they’re fucking sluts man,” I say.
“Exactly. And that’s the way we like em,” says Ferret.
“I just can’t believe the things that come out of their mouths or the things they do. And I think its rubbed off on us. I think we’re all monsters now.”
“Speak for yourself man,” I say. “I’m still the same. Last night the Artisan was telling me I reminded her about manners and being a decent human being in a world full of scum. Face it man. It’s not just Miami. It’s the whole fucking country. Its going down,” I say. “Look at this shit with Madonna and that little tramp of the month… what’s her name.” 
“Britney.”

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August 17, 2003

Train back to Rome. 
We just passed the little town of chieti. Where they found evidence of the oldest civilization of Italy. From 13,000 years ago. talking about anthropology. One of my favorite subjects. Very passionate about it. we discussed how rewarding it is to discuss it, like eating an ice cream. know we just recently found a new sub-species a few weeks or months ago. they call it homo sapiens adoltus or something like this. larger skulls than us. longer faces. Still no link though. But we will get there. and what is next? I said teleportation. That is our next unchartered frontier. Just like the fax machine I say. Use the fax machine as our model. Just use our DNA and transpose it from genetic data into binary data. Teleport one’s image or personality anywhere you want to. like a holograph or something but more data. maybe not the actual person. “well then I could be in more than one place at the same time if I wanted to with that method. Kind of.” Steph says. “yes you could. And that’s when the real fun begins.” 
Is there anything better than a brother? Or a sister? (I don’t actually have a sister, but I assume the pleasure is the same.) talking about our brothers. I don’t think you get closer to anyone more than to your brother or your sister. To your spouse of course but in a different way. I don’t even need to speak with my brother. Because we are so close. It is like they are a part of you in some weird way. you feel so at home with them. talking about Beav and how different we are. “is your brother interested in tracing your family like you are? Will he come here?” “No. he’s not like this. He will pat his wife on the back and point to his little babies and say “This is my family right here man. I don’t need to look for our family. My family is right here in my house.” That’s Beav. We are completely different. Living vicariously through each other’s very different lives.

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August 16, 2003

Riding scooters through The countryside on our way to the tiny town of Penne. Hours and hours in the hot baking sun.

This is it. The entrance to the great city of Penne. Hometown to my great-grandfather’s family. The morelli family. Town of 13,000 people. an ancient town dating from 213 AD. The whole town made of brick. All the roads are paved in brick. Everything is built on these hills. And everything is connected. All just one gigantic building housing thousands of people and churches and businesses. All made of this old brick. Climbing up the hills on our scooter, climbing up and up The cold ride back. looking for Carla. The beautiful people. what a feeling it was to sit in a 1500 year old café in the hometown of my great grandfather…. long before I was ever even conceived of or imagined…

Stopped at these family’s home because they make olive oil right there in their house. Sat down and got to know them a little. Eating bread and cheese and oil. I bought jugs and jugs of this olive oil to bring back with me.

Such a contrast to the big city of Pescara. Pescara is like Detroit or something. It is just a sprawling city. highways everywhere. a lot of industry. The ugliest place I have seen in Italy so far. it is actually hard for me to drive through due to the overwhelming lack of real beauty anywhere in the town. Which is funny because so far it is the nicest collection of beautiful girls I have seen in the country. We are truly in awe of what we have seen the last two days. So many beautiful girls and boys it is hard to fathom at first. The Italian girls try to talk with us but we do not speak well enough. And they speak no English except, ‘what is your name. my name is …’ 

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August 15, 2003

Eating this amazing breakfast with a view of the ocean. Hey its not Miami, but its pretty nice. seeing that the “lindenberger” cheese that is supposedly German we are eating has a little Kraft label on it makes me feel very good. everytime I see an Italian smoking Marlboros or some other American brand it makes me feel good. you don’t think about that until you leave America and head abroad and then all you think about is how many of our products are other countries purchasing, how we can increase this, and how we can develop more products in our own country for our own country to purchase. It becomes a little obsession. Thinking about our economy in comparison to other countries. Seeing on TV how Libya now is trying to kiss our ass and finally stand up of that bombing they did. and now we are supposed to authorize the lifting of the sanctions. You don’t realize what power it is to be an American till you start traveling. Then you know. we are immune to it back home. Take it for granted. Libya can fuck off. They killed over two hundred of our people for what? Sorry. Yes we will take your 217 million dollars and no we will not lift the sanctions. 
The longer I stay away the more proud I am to be an American. the more I talk to people here and hear what they go through. The red tape and the beaurocracy. Lack of this or that. “how do so many of you have your own companies over there” Stephano from Germany asks me. “shit dude. At one time I had five going. now I only have three.” “This is amazing,” he says. “is it true that anyone can just start a business of their own?” “yes. We can get the idea today and start it tomorrow if we want to. we’re used to this.” “this is why America has such a great economy. You are all so free. Everyone wants money. Everyone wants to consume. So you all work hard to consume more and this keeps your economy growing. In Germany it is not this way. people want security first. They don’t think about consuming like you do. if you make a certain amount of money you find a way to live according to that. in America you just look for another job or work two jobs or start your own company. This is amazing.” I looked at him talking about this so passionately while I ate my breakfast. I explained to him how I had been in business since I was nine years old, on and off of course. Starting with my shoe shine business, then my own car wash business, then my own lawn mowing business. then my own term paper writing business in college. Then I started taking the SATs and other tests for people at 2 to 3 hundred dollars a pop. (I know I shouldn’t admit to this) and then my own recording studio, then of course my band was a business, record label, health food store, juice bars, vitamin companies, real estate investment company, on and on. He couldn’t believe it. he has always studied about American entrepreneurs and the free enterprise system in university but now he was sharing a weekend with a very typically passionate American entrepreneur. And I was as much surprised and inspired by his awe and enthusiasm. And I’m not even a very successful entrepreneur at that. I go in and out of being rich. I’ve made millions and still don’t have millions. The good ones, they get rich and they stay rich. That’s my goal I tell him. I recount to him how Tony Robbins went from one hundred thousand a year to one million a year in a few years and then from one to six million a year a year or two later. This is what I’m working at. He looks at me with wide eyes. “six million dollars a year?” he exclaims. “sure, that’s nothing. A lot of CEOs make forty million a year, easy.” It is very easy to do this in America. It is inbred in us. we grow up seeing and hearing about it everyday.” 

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August 14, 2003

The heat wave in Europe is like something they have never seen. Over a hundred people have died in Paris so far. I don’t know if people have died in Italy. But in Germany as well. Now I will take extra precaution. For the other day I felt so sick from the heat that I thought as though I was going to pass out. I didn’t realize you could die from it. you do not want to eat here. it is too hot for food. Only drink. In less than five minutes you can guzzle down two or three cans of soda or Gatorade and not even blink. Your body craves liquids. And you do spend a considerable amount of time feeling sick or just tired from the heat. 
I will miss the street cafes very much here in Italy. They are everywhere. there is a café or a bar every few yards. In the states we do not have this, because we do not have a lot of public places as they do here. we need more of that in America. 
Today at lunch speaking of the difference between languages. High context languages—where the meaning is slightly hidden versus low context where what is meant is what is spoken. Very interesting. German or Dutch being low context. The people very direct. Say what they mean. French or English from England being very high context, where if you aren’t from a certain region or town you may not even know what someone meant by what they said, meanings are more hidden within riddles and ideas. The French are good at it. the English perhaps even better. Of course the Asians are the best at this. 

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August 13, 2003

Today I went to lunch with the French guy and the two German guys from class. Good times. Three of us are in the same age group. They are all very surprised by my being here etc. as if Americans don’t come to other countries etc. They are all here for their jobs. When I explained to them that I had a little Italian in my blood, it made more sense. But there was this feeling in the air about us. they told me that I was not like an American. That America is all puppets and circuses with nothing of substance. That Americans don’t speak other languages, either English or Spanish if they are from South America. That most of them don’t even know that other countries exist. Etc, etc. I told them they were stereotyping. Walking home one of the Germans Stephano asked me if it is hard for me in the states being an intellectual and being surrounded by dumb people. and If I planned on moving here to Europe so I could be around smarter people. I’m serious. He just came out and asked me this. My first reaction was how does he know if I am intellectual or not. Cause I don’t think I am. I think there are plenty of intellectuals in the states and I’m not one of them. I explained to them that I’m a creator. We know a little bit about a lot of things, just enough to keep us constantly stimulated and inspired, but we certainly aren’t intellectuals. I have some friends who are intellectuals and they bore the hell out of me. Give me the big picture baby! But I did know what he meant. I told them that in fact yes by the time I had left America I was so bored with the lack of intellectual stimulation I was getting and so disgusted by the constant barrage of crass commercialism in our arts and entertainment—its as if it is a sin to have a brain now in America, one gets the impression that you are better off if you hide the fact that you are smart. Just try to act cool instead. 
Yes I knew what he meant. But I explained to them that I didn’t necessarily find it anymore intellectual or intelligent here and I had been to the four largest cities in the country. It is true that most Europeans do speak 2 or 3 foreign languages. And this is impressive. And most Americans only speak English. This is a fact. And it is also a fact that most Americans don’t know where or even what Belgium is for example. They kept explaining to me how dumb we were because people like eminem and Britney spears and J lo are like cultural heroes in America, and everything is about being cool and sexy, but that we offer the world nothing of substance. And in America no one cares about being smart. They were really nailing into me with some serious prejudice against Americans. They resent the fact that now their countries are being polluted with crappy American R&B music about sex all the time, and cheesy American movies about sex all the time. they said they are afraid it is going to bring their countries down. I’m not kidding. They nailed into about this for hours. I felt totally discriminated against by these other three guys…
Of course they mentioned GW Bush, and asked me what I thought about him etc, which I get asked by everyone. I told them that on behalf of most Americans we are really sorry for Bush and that although he is a typical American, his administration and his questionable policies are not necessarily representative of most American people. I told them that all of this may be true about a lot of the stupid stuff that is in the mainstream in America. But there is something about the new world that is very special, very stimulating in a different way. it is as if in Europe there is this “we can’t” or “lets wait” mentality. And in the states we have this “we can” or “lets do it” attitude. So yea we’re pretty dumb sometimes, but if I were sick I wouldn’t want to go to a hospital anywhere other than in America. In fact I told them I think really we are the best at everything. I was as shocked to hear this come out of my mouth as they were, but I told them that yes I drive a German car, but that’s America, were smart enough to know to drive a German car if we want performance or an Italian or English car if we want luxury and style, or a Japanese car if we want a good deal and a reliable car that will last forever. that’s us. maybe we aren’t so intellectual, but I just think we are the smartest people. maybe as a whole we aren’t, I mean our lowest common denominator is lower than most of the rest of civilization, as evidenced by the inane music in our top forty (for example in America we get our Sting and our Peter Gabriel from the UK (we just think they’re ours)) and of course our very low test scores show the same thing. 
But still I think that the best of us are the best anywhere. And I think our achievements over the last 200 years have shown this. cars, flight, electricity, space program, medicine, government, the list goes on and on, and of course what is an American but someone who came from somewhere else. why are we the best at everything? (I laughed at myself here). it is the fact that all of us came from somewhere else so there is this wide variety of minds and spirits in the states. We have the best of the entire world in our country. Also the innovative spirit that dominates our thinking. Innovation and entrepreneurism are our most prized possessions in our free enterprise system. And the spirit of freedom and liberty that we enjoy is like no where else. I also think that there is a sense of safety in America that other countries don’t experience as much. All of these things have lead to and continue to lead to America being a world leader in innovation and achievement in any field we want to undertake. Lets hope we keep it that way. I think by the time we all separated after lunch they were convinced that I was just another egotistical flag waving American like anyone else over there. but I don’t care. I have been away long enough now to appreciate more than I ever could before how wonderful America is. and wonderful the American people are. I think we are the smartest coolest most friendly open-minded and spirited polite helpful innovative and motivated people in the world. Every time I meet another American on the street here I am amazed at how sweet and nice AND how knowledgeable they are in this funny kind of American way. like they may not know anything about Rome, but they are pulling in 75 thou a year at home at their job and they are the top at whatever they do. so there is something to be said about that.