iPhone Archives - TheTranscendenceDiaries

Protecting Usernames and Passwords Sir Richard Style

September 4, 2013

A while back on a visit to New York City, a buddy of mine, one Sir Richard, sadly relayed to me how his laptop/tablet/phone had just been stolen and through that slight the bandit(s) were able to walk away with all his usernames and passwords for nearly everything in his life, in effect stealing his identity and more than their fair share of his money and other assets. It was a fairly traumatic experience for the old boy as it would be for anyone. Like many I too kept a running list of my own usernames and passwords in my various devices. How can we not in this day and age?

That evening, unable to sleep, I decided that I needed to take some preventative action in order to prevent the same from happening to me and mine. First I used an encryption app to mask all the data; but I also needed to change the name of the file I keep that data in. But what should I NAME this new file? Certainly “Passwords” wasn’t the smartest idea. So many people I know have a file or a Note in this phone called “Passwords”; just as poor Sir Richard once did. Probably not the smartest move. But as with all things negative in life, everyone is SURE that “that’ll never happen to ME”. Until it does. That’s life. Funny how that works.

Nope. The name of this file needs to be something that no one would ever be the slightest bit interested in if my device were ever lost or stolen. In days gone by when wanting to hide certain personal or confidential communications from the wandering eyes of overly curious busy-bodies in college, I would name the documents something like to dat.bin.cache01901 or some other meticulously boring and random name. This is a particularly brilliant idea that I highly recommend to anyone who has something/anything that they would prefer to keep private… It might be personal diary entries, or it might be the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe that you’ve been saving for just the right occasion. The file name should be something that sounds as if it’s just a system file; that usually does the trick. Hell, I don’t even want to click on files with those types of names.

But what of this new file name for all my usernames and passwords? It too should be cryptic random and boring and NOT contain the words “username” or “password” in it even once. But it also had to be something I myself would remember… In the end, I decided on renaming this file RichardElliot, HIS name. No stranger is going to click on some random name if they find someone’s laptop or phone… And best of all if I ever forgot the name of the file where I keep my usernames and passwords I figured, I would still be compelled to click on that Note now and then just to see why the hell I had created a Note called RichardElliot in the first place, in which case I would then be reminded what it was and where all my usernames and passwords were.

A few minutes ago, after creating yet another new online account necessitating a username and password, this time on Basecamp (an excellent app if you aren’t yet familiar with it), I opened up my RichardElliot file to make a note of this new username and password and was reminded why nearly ten years later I am still typing data into a Note with the old boy’s name on it. It’s funny how one minor event in one person’s life can lead to another in someone else’s so haphazardly. And what an odd thing it is now, these words; to him they are one of the most personal things a person can be associated with, besides a body one guesses, his name. To me, those words have transcended nameness entirely. Without thought, they’re boldly etched in my mind now, solidly demarking a file I access on a a nearly daily basis, sometimes several times per day, ingrained in my consciousness as deeply as my own social security number or birth date. Yet in reality this is someone’s name. A living breathing individual 5000 miles away….

An added bonus is that I don’t believe a day has gone by in the last ten years that I have not thought at least once about Sir Richard. In a way it might be construed as “cheating” a bit I suppose. When Sir Richard receives a seemingly random call text or Facebook message from me asking how he’s doing, he expresses feeling “pleasantly surprised” and thanks me for “always thinking of him.” Little does he know from whence the thought came… He might end up being that one friend on earth I stay in contact with the longest in my life simply due to this strange twist. But hey I can think of much worse things people could do with our name. So in the bigger picture it’s probably not such a bad thing. And if in the end it saves me from suffering the same fate as he all those years ago God love him, then I shall certainly be forever in his debt.

Superman Explains the Transcendence Diaries

September 2, 2013

Tonight Princess Little Tree had the opportunity to watch Superman I and II. We had never seen them before but had heard about them for years. we were curious. I more than she of course. Both movies are considered American classics. They made Christopher Reeve an instant celebrity and household name and swept up at the box office. As you read this bare in mind it’s being written while another American classic, a James Bond film by the name of Goldfinger I believe, is playing in the background. This is another classic Hollywood flick that neither the Princess, who’s long ago fallen asleep by now lucky her, or I ever felt even a slight desire to entertain. The 20 to 30 percent of attention I can afford the movie while simultaneously composing this Diary entry on an iPhone is more than enough to be able to already see that these so called James Bond classics are no better than the aforementioned Superman movies.

Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing more unbearable in ones disposition than to discover that what thrills entertains titillates excites and moves the majority of others in his species does absolutely nothing for him but bores and more often than not simultaneously annoys. It isn’t a pleasant way to live amongst ones peers, nor an easy way to feel that sense of belonging that scientists claim is one of the seven basic human needs. Luckily once we escape the socially emotionally and intellectually stifling and suffocating confines of what they call K through 12, we do tend to discover with pleasure that we aren’t as alone in the world as we once believed we were in our first 16 years of existence. It’s a more than welcome surprise. To learn that there are others who share our love for mental stimulation and our inherent disdain for most things pedantic and mainstream.

But that doesn’t mean that adulthood is all pies smiles and magic carpet rides. One does have to interact with the masses regardless of what profession one chooses. Even rock ‘n’ roll. There’s a loneliness, a palpable sense of isolation that can be quite stifling if we allow ourselves to give into the temptation of deliberate hermitage due to not having enough in common with everyday people. I experienced it firsthand just out of the college years. I learned that I had to deliberately choose to mingle with the masses if I was to maintain what semblance of sanity I may have had. I would love to report that it was brutally challenging and nearly unbearable but truth be told it wasn’t half bad. Unlike many of my ilk I found it rather easy to bullshit with the working classes. Water cooler talk and all. The Tree God bless him used to plead with me how I managed to do it. He couldn’t bare to to do it himself and thus was often thrust into a world with himself as his only companion. I almost always replied “I either stay high or I have a few drinks old chap. It makes it more bearable. Try it. It’s not bad once you get used to it.”

Of course I didn’t always need to be high or drink in order to wine and dine with the mainstream crowd. The first coupla years, sure. How else are we meant to endure the banal conversations about nothing and worse yet the barrage of mistaken propaganda for facts and statistics that are thrust into the air so casually and confidently. It’s no wonder the United States has gotten away with being labeled the land of the free and home of the brave when in reality it’s the most brutal killing machine of an empire the world has seen since Nazi Germany. No wonder at all. Flip on any network or cable news show for a few minutes if you can stomach it and you’ll see just how easy it’s been for this sham to be pulled off.

But that doesn’t have much to do with Superman does it? Tsk tsk. So what does Superman have to do with the Transcendendce Diaries? Simply put, absolutely nothing. Superman can best explain the Diaries by the understanding that the author of said tome found Superman to be one of the worst movies I’ve ever had the displeasure to sit through.

Okay I will confess here in the spirit of freedom beauty truth and love that I didn’t actually make it all the way through any of them. Almost made it through the first one. The second and fifth I merely skimmed at best. The third and fourth… I dare say are unnecessary for the purpose for which we first decided to watch them.

(Seeing the look of disgust and utter boredom on the Princess’s face during the first half hour of Superman I, I attempted to give her a pep talk by standing up and dramatically waving my arms around the room to extol the virtues of viewing these films as a means to better understand the common man so we could relate with them better in the future. It was all I had. How else do you justify spending two and half hours of what under normal circumstances is a thrilling and precious life watching something so bereft of anything remotely interesting and at the same time so mentally insulting and mundane? Well it worked. She made it through the first one. As did i. The feeling in the room was more akin to if we had just finished a lengthy visit at a nursing home with an elderly lady with Alzheimer’s that neither of us knew out of the kindness of our heart and in the spirit of selfless service to others. But still, we did make it through.)

Truth be told I cannot for the life of me now understand even a little why or how these films even get made let alone get viewed by anyone over the age of 6 or 7. I know for me personally these kinds of films, anything that was called action/adventure or comic book oriented, was my worst nightmare. I was far too gone into studying the worlds of earth sciences, electricity, chemistry, art and music.

I got so bored with action adventure portions of films that I would either get up and leave which drive my parents crazy or I would bury myself in the little notebook I carried everywhere with me. Taking notes. Asking questions mainly. Or proposing myriad theories about the mechanics of the universe or the human mind or the prospect of God. This didn’t make me the most popular kid in school thats for sure. But for your average 6 or 7 year old which I learned early on I was not, I can clearly see that with the limited capacity for understanding the need to suspend disbelief or knowledge of the art and science of filmmaking that Superman movies or James Bond movies for that matter may be just their thing.

What I can’t get is how anyone past that age can actually take them seriously. Christopher Reeve.. Okay, he was a struggling actor, he wanted to make a name or himself, he wanted to make money… Makes sense. The same can be said for any of the other actors on set or the crew behind the cameras. But for an audience member… How the hell does one even discuss movies like this without cracking up? The way we might when the words Sarah Palin pop up in the occasional conversation. This is the feeling we were left with. I still attempted to sit through Superman II, because it was in and because I had heard so much about the films all my life. Why not see what they’re all about? After all Christopher Reeve seemed like a nice enough chap.

The same can be said about Sean Connery. He’s handsome enough. And one certainly can’t deny what a an enviable badass machine that Aston Martin is. But other than that, we don’t need to sit through an entire movie to marvel over the noble attributes of these basic earthly trappings regardless of their aesthetic appeal. Nope. Someone has to tell it like it is. Most box office Hollywood smashes are utter shite. Tripe if you will. The James Bond myth is as empty and hollow as the Superman one. This is children’s stories dressed up with a few adult clothes and some kissing scenes at best. And yet they’re national icons. International icons. Treasures. Cultural touchstones for entire generations.

But there’s nothing transcendent about them. And therein lies the explanation of what the Transcendence Diaries is all about in a nutshell. They are NOT about things of that nature. Lucky for us all there IS plenty of valuable art and entertainment and noble goals and missions being created on planet earth on a near daily basis at this time in our history to discover and explore. And lest we forget still plenty of propositions about the mechanics of the universe consciousness human psychology and God even to keep us busy for a very long time to come.

– Posted by The Ambassador using BlogPress on an iPhone

Answer? Using an iPad is Equivalent to Being in Hell

October 30, 2011

NOTE: I am writing this post the good old fashioned way: using a laptop. Yes I am aware of how “six-months ago” that is… but read on….

Well it was certainly a noble question, “Am I in Hell? Or just using an iPad?” One cannot be blamed for posing the question. It’s an innocent and justifiable enough question. It just wasn’t the right question. The right question it turns out was “Why do I feel like I am in Hell whenever I use the iPad?” And of course the answer is “Being in Hell and using an iPad are the SAME thing”.

See, it all started about a week ago. I received this incredible looking device for my birthday from my even more incredible looking wife. I had been talking about getting an iPad for months. I had gotten used to the iPhone — bear in mind if you do NOT have an iPhone that there is a VERY large learning curve to using one. iPhones do not have regular keyboards – they are virtual, not tactile; and because they are an Apple product they are just about incompatible with every known device, website, app, software in the known universe. But still… there is a feeling one gets from using an iPhone — (scientists have actually just finished a small clinical trial that showed that using an iPhone elicits certain endorphins in the brain that are similar to the feelings we get when we are in love or being loved or being made love to by another. This is true. Look it up).

So i had gotten used to the iPhone after about a year of using it. And no, the marriage still wasn’t perfect. To this day I still cannot use more than half of the applications or tools that I use on my traditional PC-based hot-rodded laptop (mind you this thing is a monster if you’re a tech-geek. Custom designed and hand-built with a quad-core processor, ultra-high resolution screen, more ports than a space-shuttle, more RAM than is humanly fathomable, the most expensive video card money can buy along with the best sound card humanity can invent). So it should be fine, right? Well for the most part it is. Only problem being that it is still, alas, a laptop. In other words, it’s significantly larger and heavier than an iPhone.

Seeing that my job entails hunching over some kind of “content creating” device for hours at a time, there was a real need for me to be able to invent some kind of system to still be able to create content and not do real damage to my health. My back and neck are already severely compromised due to how many hours I have hunched over this thing. A Vegas book-maker could gamble that “yours truly has spent 20 hours straight hunched over his laptop without moving except to take bathroom breaks” and win 100% of the time. Unfortunately the statement is easily true. It is the nature of how much the industry I work in has changed. The music-making industry that is. But that’s another story. So… over the last few months I had begun realizing that I could do quite a bit using my iPhone. No it’s not easy, and it’s certainly not comfortable. But once you’ve hit the bed at 4AM and you’ve just put in an 18 hour day and you’re dead tired to the point of your eyes being crossed, finishing up that “last bit of work before you wake up in 3 hours to start the process all over again” is best accomplished on a smaller device with a less trauma inducing screen than a laptop. Hence the iPhone. I could write a three page blog post in less than an hour on the iPhone. No kidding. I have mastered that virtual keyboard. But again, it just doesn’t feel that comfortable, nor healthy. Not much does anymore in this high tech world. But again, that too is another story.

So my mind began to fantasize about the iPad. Not as large as a laptop and not as small as an iPhone. Should be the perfect solution. Right? Well golly Wally how I wish that statement were true. But it just has not been the case. It didn’t take that long to set up. Only about an hour. (yes, laughter is perfectly acceptable at that juncture in our story). What would one want to do first with this sleek slick high-priced and fancy device? We can’t use it as a phone, and it turns out that we also cannot use it to text. (Yes I know, we “can” use it to text if we want to text from our google GMail account… but that isn’t texting if you ask me. That’s IM’ing or chatting. I’m referring strictly to good old fashioned cell phone to cell phone test messaging, and it’s just not something one does on an iPad).

Ok… so what about surfing the internet? It must be good for that, right? Well, yes and no. If you want to just poke around and look at stuff, then sure, the iPad is a very expensive way to do that. It’s also not a bad tool for video conferencing like we do with Skype. And yes they finally added a dinky camera so we can take pictures with it. (Far be it from me to be the last man standing over the last two years pointing out how ridiculously short sighted it was for Apple in release a tablet device with no camera as they did with the iPad #1. My God what a stupid move. But surprisingly many, many people still ran out and bought one. I’m not sure what they actually did with it… A reviewer journalist from Time magazine said it best when he said “I haven’t actually found a use for the iPad, so I still need to carry my laptop around with me everywhere for work. But the iPad looks so cool that I find that I always have it with me, usually just sitting on the passengers seat of my car.” And this is what I had already guessed about the iPad when I first read about it. Hence the reason why I never bought one.

But the iPad 2 was supposed to change that. And so here we are. I’ve now owned one for about one week. I tried going to Facebook. But quickly realized that the iPad doesn’t work too well with Facebook. There are so many problems with it that you just get fed up and leave. Worst of them being that you cannot upload photos from your iPad to Facebook. Nor to anywhere for that matter. Why? Well no one seems to really know. Apple employees seem to think that it’s Adobe’s fault. And if you go to Adobe’s website, they seem to blame it on Apple. As a “regular Joe” consumer, I could care less whose fault it is, I just want to be able to upload photos. The solution we are told by Apple and/or “Apple afficianados” (of which there are plenty — and for good reason — I also own a badass Macbook and I must say it is everything they say it’s cracked up to be. it is for lack of a better word, “the BOMB!”) as I was saying, both will tell you that “you need to download the iPad Facebook app” if you want to upload photos or do other things on Facebook that you are accustomed to doing on a regular laptop. The only problem is that the iPad Facebook app is about as functional as attempting to use Facebook using Morse Code. It just isn’t a viable app. No need to go into the details. Just trust me on this. You’ll bail on it in less than five minutes. It truly is that useless.

Well, ok… that’s a drag. What about blogging? I do plenty of that for my job. I personally use two primary resources to blog: WordPress for the majority of them, and Blogger for one of them. This post that you are reading here in the infamous pages of the long-running Transcendence Diaries is currently being hosted by Blogger and has been for about five years now. Before that we had tried numerous other platforms. (The Diaries, as they are often called, are in their ninth year believe it or not for those who’ve been with us from the very start). At first I tried the obvious. I went to the Safari browser and opened up Blogger, logged in, and started writing a new post. Within five minutes the fiery smell of Dante’s sulfuric Inferno was so strong in the room that it was obvious that I was literally steps away from falling into the pit of hell forever and ever. Why? Because writing a new post in Blogger on an iPad simply doesn’t work. You can’t upload photos. You can’t adjust your settings. You can’t view your blog in a non-HTML standard form. And worst of all, you can’t actually publish the post you’ve just written. Worse than that, once it tells you that and displays a giant ERROR message on its bright shiny screen, it deletes the post you just spent an hour writing. That’s right. GONE for good.

“Oh man, that’s because you need to download the iPad for blogging app bro” Apple people will tell you. It’s true. You can’t actually blog using an iPad on Blogger or WordPress in a browser. You have to download yet another app. OK fine. Done. I first tried the tantalizingly titled “Blogger for iPad” app. No dice. You can only blog for as many sentences that fit above the virtual keyboard. Then you’re screwed. Besides, that’s ALL you can do. No editing, no formatting, no photos, etc. I then tried something called BloggerHD. Big price tag, but it promised the moon. And remember, promising the moon in the world of the iPad just means that you’ll be able to do the normal things you do everyday on your laptop. Not much moon there. But worth a try if it works I figured. Unfortunately it didn’t work. I typed a respectable one page post on a subject that I cannot even remember now only to hit publish and see it disappear. That was last night. I gave up and went to bed early, discouraged and disillusioned with my original fantasy that the iPad might somehow hold some saving grace for me or my health.

Next up was an app that looked even more promising. They call it BlogPress. Meaning that it will enable you to use your iPad for both Blogger and WordPress blogs. Oh what a beautiful morning. I jumped up and paid the fee and download it, logged into my account and began typing away. As a simple safety measure I hit the “Save” button just in case when I went to Publish the post it disappeared, and the app proceeded to close. I tried opening it a few times and it will now not even open on the iPad. Frantically and desperately I opened Safari to see if at the very least it saved this post i had worked so hard on for a little over an hour only to be reminded that when you log into Blogger on the iPad using the Safari browser, you cannot actually see a list of your previous posts. Not kidding. You also can’t access your dashboard. It is as if the iPad’s operating system, something they call “iOS,” is only capable of seeing or displaying about 50% of any given website’s content. God only knows why, but unfortunately it’s the truth.

So with a long face and an even longer sigh, I got up and walked a few feet over to my trusty old laptop. Blogger opened fine. It opened fully. And it functions perfectly. Just for good luck, on the rare chance that a miracle may have occurred, I checked my posts, both published and drafts. Unfortunately neither the post I wrote last night, nor the one I typed this morning exist. It is as if I had never typed them. So that, as they say, is that.

There may one day be an iPad app for those of us who want to actually do something with our iPads besides look at pictures or watch videos on YouTube. But I’m not holding my breath. I’ve just typed a blog without any trouble or error messages using my laptop in a short period of time and that’s fine with me. As far as the iPad goes, the thing that bgles my mind more than anything else is how could something so useless become so popular, at least in terms of “topical”… not many people actually own iPads. It’s more that just everyone likes talking about them and dreaming of owning one eventually. But like many things, the dream is far more fulfilling than the experience. What’s puzzling is how a machine ten times the price of your average iPhone not even be capable of accomplishing the same tasks as your average iPhone.

Last night, after hours and hours spent trying to salvage aforementioned blog posts or tens of futile attempts to use Facebook on the iPad, I eventually gave up and just pulled out my iPhone to do said tasks. There I was, 2AM, in bed, comfortably interacting with people all over the world on Facebook, through text messaging, and yes, even blogging, on my two year old $100 iPhone; while the $800 iPad sat lifelessly on the floor next to us. The irony did not escape me. I stared at it for a few seconds and all I felt was disgust. Outrageously priced, sleek, slick, and fancy looking but no actual use and incapable of being trusted. A lot like the people we dislike the most in this world. For them of course there is hope. I always hold out that each and every one of us is evolving, slowly, at our own pace, but human potential is remarkably surprising. After one gruelling week of trying everything imaginable in hopes of discovering something useful about the iPad, I don’t hold much hope for it. Too little too late for far too much money.

But I will say this. The iPad for as useless as it is does provide one invaluable benefit. It shows us that regardless of how utterly worthless something is, with the right amount of promotion and hype, we can find a way to sell it to others and make a fortune. And as a lifelong entrepreneur, that idea inspires me. Like “the Pet Rock” before it, the iPad is an anomalous entrepreneurial success story. If Apple can profit from it simply based on its beauty and hype, so too can you and I and everyone else profit from things we invent and bring to market and no we do NOT need to concern ourselves with how well they work. Functionality is optional. Much like our Senate or Congress.

iPhone, Blackberry, or Palm? – or Why We Love the iPhone but Don’t Use One

January 29, 2009

A lot of talk lately about the new Palm Pre PDA/Handheld. Stuff Magazine claims it might be THE phone to kill the iPhone. Not that one cares or should care about such things… except that Apple dominates right now in so many areas and still manages to suck ass in a lot of the areas they dominate in. Case in point: our dead iPods that DO NOT come with replaceable batteries. (I have a 60 gig iPod that will not even turn on anymore that is only 2 years old…. sad little thing.) Once an ipod hits the 2 or 3 year mark they just stop working and won’t recharge. Buy a new battery you say? Yeah, great idea. Except that Apple doesn’t offer that. So you either throw it away or call Apple to see what you CAN do. They tell you that for $168 they will “fix it” or send you a “refurbished and reformatted” ipod. They DO NOT guarantee that they will send you YOUR ipod back. So that’s that. Your ipod is history.

ipod pricing has come down so much that you can now buy the same ipod that you paid $500 for two or three years ago for $200. That’s not a bad thing. But it does make their $168 fee to fix your dead battery or give you a refurbished replacement a negligible solution. Now you might as well buy a new one. And get used to it. Because you’ll be doing that every 2 or 3 years. Great idea guys. Now that’s innovation.

A buddy says to me the other day, “dude can I use your charger for my ipod again?” I’m like “what? you just used it last night…” He’s like “yeah I know but it only holds a charge for an hour or less now… do they have a new battery I can get for this?” “Nah man. You send it in for $168 for them to send you some used one…” “But I only paid $150 for this new,” he says. “yeah, welcome to the world of the ipod.”

And that’s just the grand finale rape scene that leaves you weeping when you exit the theatre. Forget about all the kicking biting scratching punching and beating you take before that trying to use the damn thing.

A friend says to me a few weeks ago while looking for a song, “God I hate scrolling like this! It drives me crazy. Isn’t there any other way to find a song or an artist?” “Nope. Nice huh?” Looks cool, but they cost three times as much as they should and will drive you absolutely crazy if you try to use it. Hey wait a minute! That sounds like something else… what is it??? oh that’s it. Apple computers themselves. But let’s not even go there yet.

So I call Apple one day. “Hey there. I probably loaded about ten new albums into iTunes this weekend and I want to be able to see those new albums on my ipod after I synch. How do I do that? “I’m sorry sir. You can’t.” “What?!!! You’re telling me that there is no way to sort according to most recently added so I can see the newest music that I have on my ipod???!” “No sir. Good idea though. We haven’t come up with it yet.” “O.k. well then take it. It’s yours. Consider it a freebie.” Crazy fucks. Have they never used an ipod themselves? Do they keep a list of the newest music they loaded in on their iPhone or something? Or perhaps scrawled on a piece of paper in their pocket?

[truth be told we did create a solution, a lame one, but this will do till they let you sort your music on the ipod in a variety of ways AND even let you create customized sorting configs as they SHOULD. Here’s the fix: You will have to create ENDLESS playlists in iTunes on your computer called “New Music 1, 2, 3,” etc and then drag your newest music over there. That’s the best they got. But even that sucks because the ipod DOESN’T LET YOU SEE WHAT THE NAME OF THE FREAKING ALBUMS OR ARTISTS ARE IN PLAYLISTS!!! All you see is the name of a song!!! So you just have to scroll and scroll and scroll through these freaking playlists clicking on each song every few seconds to see who it’s by or what album its from… it is truly an abomination in functional engineering, despite its technological advances.

So the iPhone… yes oh yes oh yes. just typing the name of it gets me drooling. Sure I want one. Is it not the coolest thing since a convertible BMW with Techtronic transmission and turbo power? Hell yeah it is. But its fraught with problems in functionality for power users. So they end up with Blackberries or Palm devices still. Wannabe hipsters and newbies to the handheld world are flocking to get their hands on iPhones. And for good reason. They’re cool as shit and have tons of nifty features. Now granted, most of them are just tricked out innovations taken from Palm (see forum dialogues below) but still, there is nothing like your first double-fingered view-expand on an iPhone. A truly chill-producing experience.

So what’s the problem? Why do the majority of longtime handheld power-users still use Palm devices or their beloved Crackberries? Well mainly because they actually do practical things with their handhelds besides talk on the phone, surf the net, or show their friends how cool their phone is. In fact you almost never see people holding the most powerful Palm out there, the TREO, showing it off. Because they’re too freaking BUSY — USING it. They don’t have time to show you photos from their trip to Disney last week or a blurry photo they snapped that day they spotted Al Pacino in the park. Though the Treo holds and records thousands of photos and videos and mp3s too, it just isn’t the main use for the device. [mine also currently holds 16 bi-level dictionaries for 8 different languages, a voice recorder to capture new songs I hear in my head, a world atlas and maps, a metronome, amortization calculators, the internet, Facebook, texting, endless storage using portable and swappable SD cards, a GPS, Microsoft Excel spreadsheets, Word documents, and 168 file folders about just about everything I need access to when on the go.] [Note: iPhone’s feature plenty of these and more. for the record.]

Here’s the glitch: For most power-users of handhelds, they need real-world, business-related, practical tools to surf through their baddass entrepreneurial life. Not a fancy looking gadget. Though blackberries now look as cool as anyone could possibly want. (I wish the Treo looked as cool as Blackberries do now… sigh). But alas there is a reason why the Treo still remains the most expensive Palm-based handheld on the market these days, coming in at a steal for $500. Twice the cost of an iPhone. But worth every penny.

And that’s because one can basically do anything they’ll ever need with the Treo. Of course it looks like the new Pre discussed below is going to shoot it out of the water. But it appears that Sprint has a lock on it for now, which means that those of us with other services are SOL for the time being.

Speaking of SOL, that reminds me of when a good friend went out and bought his new iPhone and got all excited only to learn that he was then stuck with ATT phone service forever and got transferred to Europe for his job and now cannot actually use his iPhone… That’s Apple in a nutshell. Nothing wrong with ANY company dominating a market if they’re awesome and deliver the goods. But deliver the freaking goods already.

A caveat for diehard Apple lovers: this is not a diss on Apple. I used to LOVE Apple. My very first three computers were Apples. And I will be the first to admit that Gates and crew stole Windows from Apple. Windows is just a cheaper less stable version of Job’s and Wozniak’s brilliant software ideas. Gates and company were shrewd and some might even say very intelligent businessmen. Jobs and Wozniak were brilliant visionaries who didn’t see these shysters coming and got a royal screwing out of many of their brilliant ideas. Duly noted. I also freely admit that for music and graphics and design and video and most other professional applications I would never and don’t ever go PC. They also just offer a more stable environment without all the crashes and hiccups that Windows is so famous for. Granted. [Windows WAS getting better until the disaster they currently call “Vista.”]

BUT I will say this and then back to the Handheld issue: I often find myself in the position of being hired to help people choose and purchase new computer systems for their home or office. And besides the triple the cost price point of Apple computers, the machine has two other major drawbacks: one, all the software is proprietary and expensive and by the time aforesaid client has pimped out their computer with everything they’ll need to actually use it, they’re looking at dropping at least 4 G’s. Which is about 3 times the cost of a Windows based machine.

The other major drawback is this little issue: what happens if there is something wrong with your Apple computer? Will a tech come out to your home or office and fix it? Nope. Not a chance. YOU will have to go to them. Can you imagine? In 2009? Taking your computer in to get looked at and waiting for a few hours or days to get it back? I’d rather have hot lava poured down my throat and swallow than lose a whole day of work. Or five as the case might be. Imagine all these poor innocent people trekking their computers to a store to get it fixed and leaving it there and not being able to work… when with a Dell PC for example you can actually just give them a ring and a guy shows up in a van the next day and completely fixes your computer for you no matter what’s wrong with it. That’s what life in the 21st century SHOLD look like. I will trade all the bells and whistles and cool looking interfaces in the world ala Apple for the ability to KEEP WORKING on my computer and not have to drag my ass off to some store because Apple hasn’t managed to master the art of customer support.

A good friend of mine has a “power” problem with her Apple notebook right now. The Apple geeks can’t fix it without her spending hundreds of dollars. And now they are telling her she will need a whole new motherboard or something crazy. So she’s resigned to dealing with it or buying a whole new laptop. So the machine keeps crashing all the time or just shutting down right in the middle of her work and she loses it all… I feel bad for her – what can one even say to console someone in this predicament?… I had a similar issue last year and a Dell technician came out to my apartment and had the entire power section of the motherboard replaced before I was even out of my bathrobe. For free. I offered him a bagel and a cup of Joe to go. The least I could do.

We live in a hard-working multi-tasking gone-mobile world and we need our computers 24/7. Not just when Apple can get around to fixing them. A room full of so-called “Apple Geniuses” is absolutely no use if one cannot get access to them without wasting their whole day. That means COME TO US. Period. Or go back to watching your Star Trek reruns and shut the fuck up about offering good customer service.

Poor little Boo Boo Kitty, another friend of mine, made the switch to an Apple and the first day she was so excited by “how cool” it looked. But in order to actually use the machine, she was at the Apple Store on Fifth avenue in NYC everyday for months… she finally gave up and went back to a turbo-charged Dual Processer Quad-Screen PC that covers half her wall and has been happy ever since. Primarily for two reasons: one, because there was just too much that the Apple couldn’t do that she was already used to. Like run Outlook effectively as a power-user. And two, the “Geniuses” at the Apple Store couldn’t figure out how to help her. So they regretfully but gladly refunded her just so they could get rid of her.

Some of us, in fact most highly effective ambitious ass-kickers, work live and breathe out of a little something called Microsoft Outlook. Not that we think it’s the shit. (Because it’s not. There are plenty of fixes they need to make in Outlook! And often times we the users seem to know more about running the app than the technicians in India you get on the phone…) It’s just that Outlook happens to be the best out there right now. And Apple has so many known glitches with being able to run Outlook properly that it’s only a matter of time before someone either goes postal in some Apple store or they simply switch back if they are accustomed to using Outlook to manage their busy schedules.

I would be lost without my Palm. I’m out of town more than in town and even when in town I would have no clue what the day expected me to do without Outlook running on my Treo. Nor would I be able to have access to an ever growing database of thousands of contacts and respective files associated with those contacts. One day I will retire to a big ranch out west… my heart longs for the day when I will no longer live out of a little metal electric device in my hand all the time…. but that day has not yet arrived. So I live in and out of something called Outlook run on a Palm handheld.

(Apple will try to get you to switch to Entourage to replace Outlook, but google that nightmare app and you’ll see that people hate it so much that it’s a wonder that they still bother to make it.)

Which brings us back to the iPhone and handhelds in general. Google the phrase “Apple iPhone does not sync with Outlook” and you’ll get the picture fast enough. The iPhone is just not quite setup well enough yet to truly sync with Outlook seamlessly. And without being able to sync your handheld with your computer you’re screwed. You CAN JUST use your handheld as your main scheduling and database tool… as many do… but what if you have a major database task that requires a few hours of work? Are you going to do all of that on your iPhone? No. You’re going to do that on your computer and then want to sync your phone to it. And what about scheduling? What if you have ten twenty thirty forty scheduled events, to dos, appointments, repeated events, etc each week? Are you going to do all that scheduling on your little iPhone? Nope. You’re going to want to do it on your computer OR your handheld — and do it interchangeably — and then sync it to your handheld and have it all seamlessly appear there. With NO duplication (that takes a smart program – Palm has it mastered. Apple doesn’t.)

What if you want to take a look at someone’s file you’ve been working on for a week while you’re on the phone with them up on some mountain top? Did you do all that on your handheld? Hell no you didn’t. You did it on your computer. A lot of typing, a lot of copying and pasting, and note-taking while on the phone perhaps etc… and you did all of this on your computer. And THEN you sync it to your handheld device and voila their entire file is right there next to their name on your phone while you’re standing on some beautiful mountain. Go ahead, email it to them wirelessly from that same handheld from 4000 miles away so they can review it and get back to you while you climb another peak. It’s possible. But without Outlook none of that is possible. Not seamlessly at least. Not yet…

And lets not forget the most important issue. BACK THAT SHIT UP. In other words, if you’re doing all your scheduling, event planning, database management, etc on your phone only and you lose it on said mountaintop, then what? You didn’t sync to Outlook on your computer because you own an iPhone. So you lose it all… “oh well” seems to be the answer I hear from most people after they’ve gone bald from puling all their hair out.

Personally I hope it is sooner than later that the iPhone either becomes as functional for business users or Palm gets as kick ass and cool as the iphone. I love the look of the iPhone. Though I can’t tell you how many people abhor that weak excuse of a touchscreen thing they call a qwerty keyboard. That’s going to have to change too. Touchscreen qwerty keyboards just don’t do the trick if you text and type all day on your handheld. Unless you are a dwarf and have really small fingers. I hear dwarfs love typing on the iPhone. They’re the only ones though, so far.

Bottom line, if you sit behind a desk all day and primarily work from a computer, you can probably do just fine with an iPhone when you’re occasionally out on the town. It looks cool. It’s a fine phone, plays mp3s like an iPod, even offers you maps, the internet, email, texting, photos, and video. But if you’re running all over the world and need to be reminded what your next appointment is and don’t want a giant laptop hanging on your back, then Palm or Crackberry is still the way to go. For better or worse. Functionality my friends is still the key. One day Apple will get that.

Perhaps all of this is for naught and the iPhone will one day come together and be the baddass kick-butt device that newbies, techies, business people, and power-users all collectively dream of… I hope so.

Or perhaps the new Palm Pre will take a bite out of the iPhone so they aren’t so nauseatingly ubiquitous. See some forum posts below from YouTube regarding the iPhone versus the Palm Pre. Interesting stuff….

otterboxiphone (10 hours ago) Show Hide
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Hmm, I love my iphone and itouch but they are not simple to use. It’s good for tons of stuffs except for business-related activities (calendar, to do,…). Palm is better from this standpoint, I have to admit.

TOTALLY agree! iPhone is cool. that’s for sure. But for business apps –real life stuff — PALM is still the way to go. Too bad because i would love to have all the practical application of PALM with the cool features of iPhone in ONE PHONE!!!! Why can’t ONE company comprehend this?

wyguy1209 (15 hours ago) Show Hide
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i have an iphone and i LOVE it. but im happy for plam. FINALLY i phone to keep up!!! or even beat the iphone. the reason im happy because now apple will have to create the next iphone to be better than the pre. so…the next iphone will be a great upgrade and then palm will create something better. Consumers win!
p3t3b2 (16 hours ago) Show Hide
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Look at it this way, if Apples patent is certified Palm can simply change the name pinch/zoom to squeeze, Although I am not sure what Palm calls theirs. That is how narrow Apples claim is, that is one example. Basically Apple was not given a patent on multi-touch, they were give a very narrow patent on a certain swipe not swiping and zooming in general.
zsmorr92 (17 hours ago) Show Hide
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I did see that, Palm could literally do tiny little tweaks to the Pre and avoid most of Apple’s arguments. Apple however cannot escape palm’s. I’m gunna buy some palm stock in hopes that Palm does win this.
p3t3b2 (17 hours ago) Show Hide
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Go over to engadgetDOTCOM and read their in-depth analysis, Apple has been overstating what their patent(s) actually cover. Upon further review of the engadget article it is clear that Apples multi-touch claim is very narrow and that Apple infringed on many of Palms patents with the iphone. IF Apple decides (no indication yet only speculation) to press forward with a lawsuit they have much more to lose.
zsmorr92 (18 hours ago) Show Hide
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Its not over yet my friend, iphone infringes on many of palm’s patents as well, this will be a war of epic proportions lol. Only one problem being that palm is so close to extinction that apple MIGHT be able to drive them to the grave… I wish palm luck, I too will be buying this phone.
igor86SRB (21 hours ago) Show Hide
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omg i must buy this phone ! xD
Wankerlito (1 day ago) Show Hide
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it’s official folks the patent has been awarded as of January 26 2009 and wow I’m really amaze how palm dared to copy most of the features the iphone has. Hahahaha. So what will happen now?

iPhone, Blackberry, or Palm? – or Why We Love the iPhone but Don’t Use One

January 29, 2009

otterboxiphone (10 hours ago) Show Hide

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Hmm, I love my iphone and itouch but they are not simple to use. It’s good for tons of stuffs except for business-related activities (calendar, to do,…). Palm is better from this standpoint, I have to admit.

wyguy1209 (15 hours ago) Show Hide

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i have an iphone and i LOVE it. but im happy for plam. FINALLY i phone to keep up!!! or even beat the iphone. the reason im happy because now apple will have to create the next iphone to be better than the pre. so…the next iphone will be a great upgrade and then palm will create something better. Consumers win!

p3t3b2 (16 hours ago) Show Hide

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Look at it this way, if Apples patent is certified Palm can simply change the name pinch/zoom to squeeze, Although I am not sure what Palm calls theirs. That is how narrow Apples claim is, that is one example. Basically Apple was not given a patent on multi-touch, they were give a very narrow patent on a certain swipe not swiping and zooming in general.

zsmorr92 (17 hours ago) Show Hide

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I did see that, Palm could literally do tiny little tweaks to the Pre and avoid most of Apple’s arguments. Apple however cannot escape palm’s. I’m gunna buy some palm stock in hopes that Palm does win this.

p3t3b2 (17 hours ago) Show Hide

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Go over to engadgetDOTCOM and read their in-depth analysis, Apple has been overstating what their patent(s) actually cover. Upon further review of the engadget article it is clear that Apples multi-touch claim is very narrow and that Apple infringed on many of Palms patents with the iphone. IF Apple decides (no indication yet only speculation) to press forward with a lawsuit they have much more to lose.

zsmorr92 (18 hours ago) Show Hide

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Its not over yet my friend, iphone infringes on many of palm’s patents as well, this will be a war of epic proportions lol. Only one problem being that palm is so close to extinction that apple MIGHT be able to drive them to the grave… I wish palm luck, I too will be buying this phone.

igor86SRB (21 hours ago) Show Hide

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omg i must buy this phone ! xD

Wankerlito (1 day ago) Show Hide

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it’s official folks the patent has been awarded as of January 26 2009 and wow I’m really amaze how palm dared to copy most of the features the iphone has. Hahahaha. So what will happen now?

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